Btw: name's Michael Crawford
..and just so you know, there is hardly any regulation at all over private programs for teens. You might want to read a book on this such as "Help at any cost" by Maia Szalavitz.
Thanks Michael. Yes, I've read the book. Not what I would call an open or balanced account of anything. In fact, I have yet to see
anyone write anything that tried to be balanced - they have all started with an agenda and tried to prove it. The most interesting
part of the book is that of the very few programs she talked about, Cross Creek came out basically without a problem. She didn't like
it, but couldn't condemn it (aside from the fact that they wouldn't meet with her).
Guest - I name you coward - and beyond that refuse to acknowledge anything you respond with (nor the insults you throw) until you come
forward, reveal yourself, and quit hiding behind the internet.
Buzzkill - oops, another anonymous name pushing a cause. Come forward if you truly want to be heard.
People saying that it is prudent to remain hidden on the internet - WHILE ATTACKING OTHERS - are cowards. Period.
If you choose to attack me - then reveal yourself, don't hide. In the US Courts - everyone has a right to confront their accuser. People
here are attacking me and hiding. No charges have been brought against me, nor will any be, because I have not broken any laws, and
while many people do not agree with the decisions I have made ( every person's right - but then these are anonymous beings out there, not
people - I acknowledge no rights to anyone without a name!) they are my decisions.
As I stated before, I doubt I'll check this very often - because it does not seem that many people here wish to actually discuss anything.
They instead want to make hidden attacks against me - and I refuse to give them that power.
So group up, welcome to the real world, and once you quit hiding behind your keyboard then we can talk like people.
Regarding the anonymity thing for a second, although some of the bickering does come across as if it were Internet Tough Guy action, there is a real fear from survivors associated with revealing their identities that has nothing to do with cowardice. A lot of us, because of our experiences, are incredibly paranoid. When I first found these boards, I lurked for a long time and promised myself I would never post, then I finally started posting as a guest, but did not register. Why? I feared for the possibility, however remote, that there was a chance someone here might have known me back then, and might figure out who I was.
What your daughter is doing right now is remarkably brave. Especially since she came out of a program so recently.
As for now, I have no issue with people knowing who I am, or who I was then. The current picture in my avatar of the rather demented looking gent brandishing a bottle of manischevitz is indeed myself (happy passover, btw.) However, I do not post my name simply because prospective employers DO google names, and my laid-off animator self is currently looking for employment. Being sent to one of these places is a stigma. Period. I will never ever be proud of it.
However, if you would like to know more, I would be more than happy to discuss things with you via private message or email. I am not a WWASPS grad myself, but a CEDU one, (the grandaddy of them all) and my placement story is similar in some ways to your daughter's. (Living with father and stepmother before placement, and returned to living with them after... which was uncomfortable and tense, to say the least.)
While I understand survivors' anger towards other program parents, I do not share it. I think probably the strongest emotion I feel regarding that is frustration. For the most part, (there are exceptions) the parents are also victims, and their very real and very normal concern for their child has been taken advantage of by the industry. Whether you agree with this or not, at this point, is not something I wish to debate. Just know that I have read a good portion of your blog, (I started at the beginning) and I experience what I normally do when I read such accounts: sorrow. Not just for Katie, but for the family. It seems now that things are on the mend, which makes me happy. However, the pathos expressed in your blog is difficult to simply read with indifference. There has been much hurt, which has been only exacerbated by the program. I am sure that you can agree that when Katie returned home, things had gotten worse? I hope that you are able to see that this is not simply an issue of a defect in her character, and certainly more than what was done to her in the program. The family cohesion has been compromised, as was mine.
It's been 20 years for me, and I feel that my relationship with my own folks is
relatively functional. However, it is most certainly different than it was prior, regardless of how much tension there was because of the fact that I was an unruly teen who was up to stuff that my parents didn't fully comprehend. There has been damage, especially between my father and myself. I'm sure I love him, but I am unable to connect with that. We won't talk for months and neither of us will think anything of it. Not because of any argument, but rather because we have nothing to say to each other. It's like dead air. This situation, while on the surface, is tolerable, simply because I am so used to it, bothers the hell out of me as well, because I feel nothing. We are strangers. Comparing that to the connection I had with him before, when I was given a choice with which parent to live with, I chose him, since I had wanted to be his kid again ever since the divorce and all we had was visitation.
Ironically enough, one of the pet issues while I attended CEDU was my relationship with my father. The amount of energy directed towards that was disproportionate to everything else, sans the gay issue. (homophobia in the 80s rivals present day, i assure you). I came to lionize him and think of him as my hero, (something initiated by the program and willingly embraced by my brainwashed self.) One would think that when I resurfaced into the real world, our connection would be even tighter.
It was the opposite. It had been completely severed. I daresay I hated him, and at the time, it never even occurred to me that the program might have been responsible. I continued to believe in CEDU and what it "taught" me for a good two to three years after getting out. One thing I did know, however, was that I could no longer stand being around him or my stepmother for very long before reacting violently (verbally) for even the slightest transgression of etiquette on his part. He can still really push those buttons and hit those nerves to this day, and although arguments such as that are rare, when they happen, and after I inevitably hang up on him, I always ask myself "Where on god's green earth did that come from? What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I still let him get to me that way?" He *does* say unreasonable things, mind you. The rare times that I have brought up how much it bothers me that our relationship is pretty much nonexistent, he tells me it is all my fault, and that if he is guilty of anything, it is being an enabler. (verbatim) Now, regardless of the relationship, the odds that any dysfunction is entirely, 100% the fault of only one of the parties is virtually nonexistent, because it is a relationship between more than one person, so to hear this, from a man who is a lawyer... well, it hurts.
I moved out of my father's house after my freshman year of college and found a sublet with a six dollar an hour job. Aside from a christmas break visit the following year, I have never gone back to visit either parent, even overnight. They travel to see me about once a year, which is nice, but I wouldn't want any more than that. I just only recently visited (for about twenty minutes) their new house in san antonio, and while it was beautiful and I still appreciate seeing them both, I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. I felt like I was going to break out into hives.
The good news is, my relationship with my mother, and her side of the family, is much more solid.
I do hope you read this. Especially because I feel that dialogue with program parents is probably one of the most important things to me on this forum. (Although I have tangled in the past, and I still talk trash quite frequently on here, but about matters of much less importance, and always in jest, and rarely with parents, unless I am unaware that they are.) Regardless of whether we ever agree, I feel that the communication is important, because a lot of times you will hear things that you may need to hear regarding what kinds of things happen in these places. Things that you may never hear from Katie. (I refuse to talk to my parents about specifics regarding my experience at CEDU. It is too much.) In addition, hearing parent's accounts, such as your blog, is equally significant to me. (Although I do laugh at parent testimony that are on referral sites, because the context is extremely distasteful, as opposed to something such as your blog.)
I do want to say (and I mentioned it in Katie's blog, but you stated you were not going to return there) that if you *are* doing WWASPS referrals, I implore you with every fiber of my being to please please stop. That is blood money.
Anyway, if you want to get in touch with me, please feel free to PM me. I no longer have my email function, but I can give you my address via a PM.
