List of failures made by a supposed parent

[Oscar]

Wow, pages and pages and pages... (Conductdisorder tread)

I have commented the list:

* Alleged verbal and physical abuse by biological mother (Yes. Punish the victim instead of calling the police)
* Alleged sexual abuse by biological mother’s friend(s) and boyfriend (Yes. Punish the victim instead of calling the police)
* Extreme temper tantrums (Its a girl. At a certain age expect it to happen around every 30 days)
* Violence toward others (It seems that the Child protective services are looking if it is not learned behavior)
* Bedwetting (Which could have been stopped if you had taken the birthmothers mail friends to the police and got some money for therapy)
* Refusal to comply with simple household rules (Simple. Not if the previous threads by this poster is read)
* Lying (Truth is not exactly what is held high in that household)
* Refusal to comply with prescribed medications (At some time even a human ginny pip might say stop)
* Drug-seeking behavior (Yes. You have tried every kind of medication on her)
* Confession to repeated intoxication by illegal drugs and alcohol (The drugs seeking you have caused. The alcohol is a rite of passage for most teens)
* Violent fantasies voiced (Ask her to put them into a book and send them to a publisher)
* Suicide threats (I have children and I work at a school. Rather normal. Maybe children should be banned from Internet, TV, Newspapers and Radio. Then it will stop)
* Stealing
* Sexual acting out (It's a teenager)
* Self-harming

Now I took the liberty to read a lot of threads from the poster. If the family had been identified by our child protective services, they would all have been ordered into a residential facility where the parent skills and the family dynamics would have been monitored for 3 months including the birth mother. It is not the girl who needs treatment. It is the entire family who should stop being pill-poppers and start living as a real family from start.

According to previous threads this family had a really good therapist for the girl, the girl connected with. Unfortunately the parents didn't like the diagnose the therapist came with and started to search for an alternative.

[Oscar]

How can the mother improve the letter she will send to the program? She has asked for some help. Here is her present suggestion:

Onyxx is a very intelligent, caring young lady with a strong temperament who has been abused emotionally, verbally, physically and sexually. She has threatened and attempted suicide, and engaged in risk-taking behavior such as sexual acting out, self harm, and self-medication. She has also refused to comply with basic household and school rules, verbally and physically lashing out at the closest person to the point of being arrested for assault on a teacher and, later, domestic violence against her stepmother and father. Another arrest occurred for theft of drugs (and she has stolen many other times). She declines to take prescribed medications (especially antidepressants and mood stabilizers), though she will ask for “stronger” medications and has in fact admitted to repeated use of cold medications, marijuana, cocaine and alcohol.

Recently, Onyxx has vocalized disturbing thoughts of extreme violence; her graphic descriptions of stabbing “just to see what it feels like to kill someone” have concerned not only her stepmother and father, but also a family friend and her most recent counselor. At times, Onyxx is vague as to the target of these fantasies; however, she has also stated that she has planned out exactly how to kill her biological mother, her mother’s husband, and her brother and stepmother. She is confident that she “will get away with it”. This is even more disturbing as Onyxx has held her brother at knifepoint at least once, and has had knives taken from her possession by family and friends.

At the same time, Onyxx is confident that she does not require counseling, and has begun to conceal inappropriate behaviors so that she “seems” to be doing better. She is extremely charming and can be very manipulative, “snowing” teachers, counselors and the juvenile court system. However, Onyxx still believes that she “can do what she wants” without permission, and when she is caught in misbehavior will lie even when presented with the truth. She also sleeps very little during the week (2-3 hours a night), wandering around the house and outside. She complains that she cannot sleep, but will sleep from 6:00 AM to 4:00 PM on weekends.

Simple consequences, such as not being granted privileges or grounding, have had no effect in curbing behaviors, and in fact have resulted in extremely violent temper tantrums, a partial hospitalization program (twice), a week at <phosp>, a year at the <alt school>, diversion, probation, time spent in juvenile detention (one day, January 2009, and one week, June 2010), and many calls to the police.

The above are reasons that we are seeking your assistance in residential treatment for Onyxx. We are concerned that, unless she receives intensive treatment, that her behavior will continue its downward spiral.

Remember the child is suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder but the parents want another diagnose. They want some real punishment. How would you write such a letter to achieve that?

[Shadyacres]

This girls parents have failed her, allowed her to be abused “emotionally, verbally, physically and sexually”.  What does her mother propose to rectify that failure?  Punishment for the abused girl.  Of course.  It almost sounds like her mother really just wishes that she was allowed to just kill her.  I spent over an hour yesterday perusing that forum, it was like being back in the program.  What a vile collection of self righteous hypocrites.  

“Hello, notoriously abusive residential treatment center?  I have a daughter who has been horribly abused and now I view her as broken.  No matter how much I punish her she absolutely refuses to pretend to be happy and problem-free.  Also, as her mother I should tell you that I think my daughter is a murderer who will probably try to kill you in your sleep.  She is also a master manipulator and con artist so you should not take anything she says seriously.  Keep her as long as you have to, I don’t want to have to be bothered with her problems at all.”