Frank McGill (1988-2009)2/27/2009
"Now I know I have a heart, because it's breaking." – The Tin Man
I just returned from Austin, Texas where I attended the memorial service for Frank McGill '07, a Hyde-Bath graduate who took his own life on February 15. Given that the Tin Man captures my feelings, I initially figured I'd keep them to myself. On second thought, that doesn't seem right.
For one thing, Charmaine and Gordon McGill have chosen to try to help others by being open about their son’s struggles right down to his final decision. (The inspiring rector at the service spoke eloquently about the 1 million people each year around the world who choose to end their own lives.) For another, Frank was simply a great kid. A partial list of adjectives that quickly come to my mind would include athletic, considerate, creative, gentle, handsome, kind (!), reflective, studious, and very well dressed. Given the hundreds of people who overflowed the church, it's safe to say that my assessment is not unique. Among the crowd were Hyde friends and families who flew in from all corners of the country with barely 48 hours notice.
Frank's inability to find serenity with his substance abuse issues inhibited his personal growth throughout his adolescence. But why would he take his own life? Some have suggested that he was overcome by guilt over the anxiety he felt he had brought to his parents and family due to his substance abuse. While that explanation makes some sense to me, I don't pretend to know.
I do know that more than three decades of working with kids have assembled a mega-collage of memories that are stored away in my mind like a bureau drawer overstuffed with yet-to-be-catalogued piles of snapshots and video shorts. There are two that will stay with me when I think of Frank McGill.
First is the "big brother" role he played with my daughter Scout, currently a Hyde junior. For over a decade, she and her sister Mahalia '09 have played that same role for their younger brother Harrison. The truth is that Harrison's autism has demanded and continues to demand a great deal of Scout's care and attention. All the way through middle school Scout gave so much to her brother but never had someone who could play big brother to her. Frank was that person for Scout during her freshman year. She joined me for the trip to Austin as she wanted to say good-bye to a true friend she will always cherish and respect. She was a great source of strength to me on this, the saddest of journeys.
Second is a lacrosse game that Frank played in his senior year. We were going up against one of the top teams in Maine and Frank's job was to cover their top attackman who was an offensive force. He was also quite full of himself and showed a tendency to taunt and "talk a lot of smack." I will never forget the hustle, determination, and class that Frank exhibited that day. He never took the "bait," never volleyed verbally with his opponent's insults. He just stayed focused. By taking the upper hand he drove his opponent nuts and led our team. For me, it was a fun day to be President of Hyde, the way it always is whenever one of our kids does us proud.
After the ceremony, family and friends retreated to a reception across the church courtyard. One thing for sure: Frank and his family have a lot of friends. A good friend of mine likes to say, "If you want a friend, you've got to be a friend." Whether or not Frank had ever heard that saying, the huge crowd of those who came to pay their respects to him showed that he surely lived it.
Rest In Peace, Malcolm Gauld
