You are most eloquent in your apology; here, there is no doubt. You are most skilful in your avoidance of the word, wrong, as used in a sentence…I was wrong. It was used once…concerning dates employed, or rather said “On Staff”.
For 19 years you gave “little thought to my actions as a staff member of Straight.” And I as I take it, this began after your stint, time on your phases…ya know…incarcerated, against your will, oh and not to mention the 16 forms of Mind Rape you were also exposed to and…endured. So, I guess what I am saying is that there is no wonder in my mind why you had “little thought to my actions as a staff member of Straight.”
I struggle with your words. I have considered your words from the first time I read them. I suspect I have put as much consideration into the words as you did when they came from your fingertips. I have looked at the words from varying angles. From extreme distrust, inspecting motives and motivations that factor in your decision to articulate these words. Looking at the words and what they say on so many levels…amazing.
And yet I am in a conundrum. Take the words at face value (as they seem genuine, from the heart) or entertain a familiar contempt I have for the upper echelons of Straight Inc.’s operation central…from the time one is led out to the group and placed in the “chain of command” on upwards. As one climbed upward into the ranks of staff essentially got closer and closer to the evil.
You may have been “Executive Staff” at various locations, tending to what duties you had in day-to-day operations. Yet, you were a minion to a greater evil. Am I to be surprised you are the only one to come forward and apologize? The evil still exists and yet you broke free of the fear of that evil. I do not doubt that others, like yourself wish to come forward and do as you have done. They, I think have not out of fear. Not of us, the survivors, but the evil that pulled their strings, not unlike puppeteers.
For myself it is standard operating procedure to distrust any staff from the start. But this is not a start. I have already locked horns with you I believe, and you have continued to hit the boards. Your stories have remained consistent, your intent consistent and a sense of respect you show for those who suffer appears unwavering.
The cause or the genesis of my scrutiny comes from Straight Inc. It is what I was taught and trained to do. I am wrong to behave or communicate that way. I am responsible for my actions now, especially in regards to the “now” looking at the “then”. I genuinely do not like that I have had to re-train myself in that regard. But I have found it more and more necessary to develop some sense of forgiveness.
A staple in Buddhist Teaching (since ya already got a Christian perspective) is the concentration on Cause and Effect. Find that, establish that, make sure of that. Switch concentration to Forgiveness and ultimately switch concentration to Compassion.
I have found it easier to release a lot with individuals or in regard to individuals, but as an institution, not so much. Your words are my first words from an “Executive Staff” in the form of an apology. I hadn’t expected that. Considering that just a few days ago I posted a thread “On Forgiveness”. In the thread I ran a poll and of the five that participated only one indicated they would forgive with a written apology. Never the less I am convinced that is the direction I should go. I find that you have given much for me to consider, examine and reflect upon. This thread is of immense value, unspeakable value. Yes, for myself (even though it seems to have opened a can of worms, but at least not Pandora’s box) and for many others. I think in the long run your L.O.A will be refered to many many times. Un-countable people may read your words, after the shock, they may ultimately find healing. I think your LOA need be printed on every website devoted to Straight Inc. Survivors. Because I am assimilating information on Straight Inc. to take to a Tibetan monk, I plan to print your LOA out and include it in my package.
I was in Straight Inc, long before you probably smoked your first joint. I do not know you, and so on an individual level you never harmed me. However, three of my cousins may have been in the Atlanta Building under your “care”. One of the three was started over on 5th phase, as a college student he was invited to a keg party, which he did not attend, but because it was found out and because he didn’t admit it first to the group…blam…day one. Might you have been instrumental in this swift justice? Was that just a money grubbing opportunity? Insurance fraud? Or was it so goddamned important to admit to the group he declined an invitation to a kegger that not doing so deserved a start over?
Because of Straight Inc. our ties were severed for almost 30 years. One denied, at least momentarily, he had Straight Issues. That lasted for about 5 minutes, he spewed his guts to my better half and me for 90 minutes easy (we were on the road, I was driving). The other at least on the surface still spouts Straight Jargon and I haven’t been able to sit with the third in privacy yet. So I could only guess at their reaction.
I admire you for honesty and guts to put your conscious to words. I suspect you will loose favour of many of your past co-workers. Hope ya got all favours needed tended to before your LOA was released. It could very well be the straw that breaks the camels back. Up until now we were perceived as disgruntled folk with an axe to grind, written off as crazy as they probably deserved it.
Now, one of their minions has effectively blown the whistle. It will be interesting to see what unfolds as a result.
In all sincerity, I wish you much Healing
Om Shanti
In Peace
woof
