Greetings; I hope that all are well this evening.
In response to the question put to me last night:
What I find fascinating, though is that instead of becoming a lifelong member of a specific group, you’ve found a way to adapt to all sorts of them. Did any of the beliefs of the other groups contradict those of DAYTOP?
Wow, that's a broad question, a lot of ground to cover here. I shall begin answering the question, by recalling the two of the “DAYTOP values” that most profoundly affected my mentality after I’d left DAYTOP, these ones I really integrated the most into my worldview. These two are,
“You can’t keep it unless you give it away” and
“Act as if."These respective beliefs (Daytopian thinking and religion, especially Bible-based religious thinking IMO) do not, at least on the surface, contradict one another (most Bible-based groups are evangelistic to one degree or another) and the DAYTOP values are quite adaptable to being implemented in any overtly religious context. I suppose that I contrived a way to adapt them to every situation and group that I was around. Daytop is in effect a pseudo-religion with its own creed and dogmas etc. For example:
You can’t keep it unless you give it away: This one threw my sense of boundaries way out of whack. The best way to help yourself maintain your sobriety is by helping somebody else to do the same. Or in a churchy group the best way to maintain your salvation is by helping others to attain the same, by "getting people saved." A good value in and of itself I suppose (keeping it by giving it away, whatever "it" may be), it sounds good enough in principle, but taken literally and to an unhealthy degree this mindset fosters co-dependence and a group mentality, and an unhealthy sense of responsibility for other people’s success or failure. It’s true that in a sense that “we are all in this together” (in the sense of a global community and all that), that we are interdependent, but it’s also true that I have to be self
ish in order to learn how to be self
less in a healthy way. DAYTOP taught me a lack of balance and a boundary-reducing philosophy in this respect. You cannot
keep yourself unless you
give yourself away. In retrospect, it sounds so insane, but that's what I tried to do, give myself away.
Act as if: Translated as "fake it ‘till you make it." You are who other people tell you you are, or who they tell you you ought to be. Need I say more?
Here's a couple more:
Be careful what you ask for you just might get it: Again, sounds good on the surface, right? But twisted and taken to an unhealthy extent, it leads to complacency and again, group-dependency, and a lack of confidence and trust in oneself; it leads one to actually fear being fully "recovered." Makes one afraid of new challenges because this thinking leads to self-doubt and one will always remain in a state of thinking "I'm just trying to sabotage myself again, I'd better ask my counselor what she/he thinks before I make a decision." It's crippling for a kid to be exposed to this stuff.
Be careful if you think that you might want to be fully recovered and an independent, autonomous, fully-functional individual, you just might get it!To be aware is to be alive So nebulous; what does this one really
mean? It boils down and leads to what Lifton described as "doctrine over person" and "the dispensing of existence." It's a potent little thought-stopping phrase that is used to abruptly shut down critical thinking. "To be aware of yourself is the same as being aware of other people telling you who who are, and until you know who you are as defined by the group perception of you the individual, you are not truly alive."
All of these "DAYTOP values" IMO are, to some degree or another, thought-stopping, critical-thinking reducing nonsense phrases.
All cults use some type of thought stopping technique.
“You can't keep it unless you give it away” is a phrase I heard over and over while I was at DAYTOP and now in hindsight, I realize what a powerful tool that little phrase is, as is the teaching on
“Act as if.” Trying to incorporate all this new information about myself, my feelings, and the world around me was suddenly truncated by the thought-stopping phrase,
“You can't keep it unless you give it away.”
"Let DAYTOP do the thinking for you" is all these really mean, and it actually promoted unawareness and an attitude of apathy, an inability to see anything valid outside of the group environment. Instills a fear of "relapse" through misplaced hypersensitivity to times, places, and circumstances. Conflates self-awareness and developing critical thinking with
"be careful what you ask for" crapola and irrational fear of relapsing. It actually guarantees relapse once you are out of DAYTOP!
These are just my notes, ramblings, brainstorming. Am I making sense to anybody?
This I believe is a good start. Any questions or comments from anyone?