Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Troubled Teen Industry.com - Program Website Division
Essay Contest: What is the Troubled Teen Industry
hurrikayne:
I don't want my story up there yet, as I'm not finished with it...but your welcome to use my past, present & future interviews about protests/survival of/in facilities & programs...
kev (antiWWASP.com):
sure thing hurri, i actually don't intend on publishing anything without permission. only the forums and the feeds section of the site, to show how seamlessly our information can be displayed and syndicated. psy and i have decided to use the [tag] system on your thread titles to show me what stage you guys are in... for example... [research]- [writing] - [editing] - [FINALIZED]
i posted to the wrong thread with that last message, sorry for the confusion... (HELP PSY, DELETE MY LAST POST ABOVE, I'M REPOSTING TO CHE'S ARTICLE NOW)
Ursus:
--- Quote from: "psy" ---Well. It's very well written and it has almost perfect keyword density for what we're trying to accomplish here (though I did add two more instances of "troubled teen industry").
Unless somebody else can top this, I think i'm going to use it. See it here:
http://www.peninsulavillageexposed.com/ ... -industry/
--- End quote ---
Regarding opener, just accessed from the above link:
The troubled teen industry has varying formats and varying claims as to what they can accomplish, but all have the same tendency to separate children and parents, limiting contact between a child and their family...[/list]
I'm not sure it is such a good idea to open with the "tendency to separate children and parents" thought, since a lot of them don't quite see it that way, even though that is what actually happens. Many of these programs emphasize that "the whole family" gets involved, even though the reality is that this is done under very contrived and manipulated circumstances.
Better to open with a more universal statement?
Perhaps I am not accessing the latest version?
psy:
--- Quote from: "hurrikayne" ---Take paragraph one, move it to the paragraph 9 position, do not lead with it. You'll lose them johnny on the spot. If they make it to paragraph nine, you're in the home stretch. You're butter.
--- End quote ---
See. I'm just not sure I want to lead anywhere near the word "cult" without explaining it thoroughly in the surrounding areas. Paragraph 1 gets the attention and is likely to results in a "ok... ok... i'll hear this out". When I talked to Phil Elberg about the benchmark case he said the number 1 thing to get past would be the "troubled" monker... the prejudice people already have. I tend to agree. What I wanted to do was try and build up some more credibility between the parents and their kids first... reduce that amount of prejudice.
psy:
so do we have a consensus on what statement will be used? Maybe splice the two together. Input please.
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