Some Posts Deleted

[grad1]

It appears that some posts from January thru June got deleted. Should I be paranoid that mine got deleted?

Here it is again.

I had just been reading the Seed Forum for a while and when I was going to post something, it went down. There was some discussion of no interest in this forum. I am sure many others will hear about or eventually find this insightful, challenging, conflict-filled place.

I know there is not a lot of activity on this message board lately, but I wanted to share my own personal perspective. Just for me, if for nobody else.

 I felt terrible when I heard about those that came to the Seed that had problems that may have been beyond the Seed' s expertise.  I am thinking particularly of those that were too young to benefit and those that had issues that were not addressed such as abuse or molestation.  I do not want to make excuses, but in some circumstances young people or those with other difficulties were unable to get appropriate help or what they needed from anywhere else in the traditional mental health community.  I was taken to therapists, psychiatrists, a priest (he did not try an exorcism), court staff, etc.. It seems that a lot of people's problems may have been the result of the high standard set at the Seed. True, a high standard was set there, and it was difficult to live up to, but even after being in the Seed for a while, I personally thought that the best I would ever achieve in my life would be to be a full-time "pothead" only and a laborer in a factory.

My life now is truly rich (or am I deluding myself) and I truely know that I would not be where I am if not for the Seed.

For myself, the Seed and Art Barker took someone that was totally hopeless and put me on the path toward happiness.  When I first came to the Seed on State Road 84 in 1974 I had recently read a Psychology Today article about the brainwashing in prison camps.  I initially thought that the Seed was just like them.  Then I began to realize that the goal of the Seed's "brainwashing" was to get me to care about myself, respect myself, have courage in my convictions, etc.. Not the usual topics that brainwashers emphasize. I never felt that the goal was to do anything evil to me. I felt sincere caring from the others there. Yes, personalities got involved since it was a human endeavor and no one is perfect.  So with regard to the definition of brainwashing, it was against my will and it did change my mind from my previous belief system that I could never have changed on my own.  If that system had not been challenged at the level it had, I doubt that I would have ever accomplished anything in my life or be as happy as I am now.

 I once saw a girl come back into the program after graduating and being away from the Seed for a while.  She said that during her first time on the program she just learned to mimic the people at the Seed and never learned to internalize the values, attitudes and behaviors.  She chose to come back after she turned 18 in order to try to make the Seed beliefs a part of her life.  When she related that in the group, I saw several staff members shaking their head in agreement regarding her reasoning.  I never saw any of the negative behavior of staff that others on this message board recall. I will always be grateful that the Seed was in my life.  I appreciate everything that my oldcomers and staff did for me.

I just ran across an old address book from my time at the SR 84 Seed from 74 to 76.  I recall going to sing in the Orange Bowl with Pat P. from New Orleans.  I remember going to the state park on Sunrise and route A1A with a lot of people after I got off of my program.  Among them were Joe K. (who lived off of 84 and had a female cousin in the program), Guido C., Debbie M. (whose parents owned a preschool), Jim L., Laura G., Jerry J., Steve C.(from the Boca area?), Rick ? (from Miami was at TCC)  Orlando ?, Americo ?, and Tim J.. I remember going to TCC with other graduates, stopping after the meeting for ice cream, fishing in the Keys, playing tennis, bowling, movies, etc..  What a great time.

I lived with others Seed guys at Tropic Terrace Apartments.  Nick G. and his wife managed the apartments.  Jim P. also worked there.

Others from the group I remember include Rufus M, Janet C., Brian and Cathy C. (from Michigan and their brother came in later, then his son), Robin H., Marcelo M., Candy R., Camby C., Joe and Alfie S., Lee B, Oren ?, Seth S, Jeff M., Don M., Liz and Joan H., Hughie ?(that used to cut hair), Rose I., Kim L., Rick and Robin C., Maria C., Nestor B., Alan D., Beth F., 2 Carlos’ (one in the apartments in Miami and one off of Federal in N. Ft. Lauderdale) Alice H., Deb D., and Tim F. (Ohio), Delise S. (from Jacksonville) that married Mandy ?, Hank M., Skip ?

Thanks for this site. It has been a good experience for me, but I am truly sorry for what happened to some of the others.


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[lllLIZlll]

Hello former Seedlings!!!!

God bless you all and God bless Fornits!!!  I conversed with a Rick that has had contact with Susie C (staff member).  I agree with Rick and Greg about the Seed.  I first have something to say that all who search for the Seed will read my words following.

WELCOME!!!!

Here is the beacon from fornits lighthouse lighting the way for all of us that have felt lost...searcing for another seedling with which to share our experiences, the good and the bad.  We are here and hopefully here for a long time.  Come on in and join, post and send an email to one of us that has experienced your pain and your life lessons.  Know that all of us here KNOW of the experience that you have gone through and we DO understand.  Welcome home, traveler.  You have found your place where you can share your memories and we know what you've been through.  You have found your place.

Not only have I found my way here, but I have been in touch with someone else that has recently found this site.  Thank goodness that fornits has not done away with our discussion group.  If it had, I would not of finally found my way here or the people that know what I've had been through.  Most all the posts were from several years ago, but I never thought about doing a seach on Goggle until this year.  My dreams that I had over and over again and my strong desire to find this one, very wonderful staff member that just her presence at a rap gave me the security I needed to feel safe.  I finally got to tell her thank you and that really meant a lot to me.  I seached for her back in the 1980's and when they told me she no longer worked there I felt that I would never get to tell her thank you, but I did!!!
Please never let this discussion die because there are others out there who will look for someone also that experienced the fears, the sleepless nights, the PB&J's and we can laugh with them or cry...share our pain, heal and hopefully we can all realize that we are better people for our experience.  I know for some of the discussions that there has been those that suffered and I am sorry, but you also can help those that experienced what you did and help them heal.  Thank you Rick, Susie C and Paula.  Also, I want to thank all those others that posted like GregFL, Ginger and all the others that I haven't spoke to but only read their posts.  Let us all keep the beacon burning.

With love,
Another Seedling, Beth

P.S.  I can't remember who...I think it was grad1 that mentioned a Rose I.  Is she Cuban/American?  I was looking for her also.  When I went to the Keys back in the 80's we stopped by Ft Lauderdale on our way down and spent the night in Miami on our way back.  I have several times after that tried to find my oldcomer Rose I.  When I knew how to spell her last name, there was so many people with that last name that I couldn't figure which one.  While in Miami, I did call several, but not one of them knew Rose.