TheWho: why do you post on this forum, what is your motivation?
Lets say that you attended a program and that you were abused and didn’t make out too well there and you knew other people who were abused also and a year or 2 after you graduated you came across a site/forum like fornits which talked about how great programs are and how everyone makes out well and not one person has ever done poorly. They say all programs are the same and my programs was great so therefore they all must be great!!
Then you decide to post your story and everyone calls you a liar and says you were never abused. “Its not possible all programs are the same”, they tell you “and we turned out okay”. “Just give it a few years and you will see the truth”. But you stand your ground even though they tag you with a scarlet letter, call you a Nazi, call you names and say someone must be paying you to post that nonsense, call your posts spam and flooding and even manage to get you banned a few times, try to find out who you are and where you work. Kids were being sent to programs left and right without a thought of them being abused. Wouldn’t you want to stay and add a little balance in the case that maybe one person would listen to you and you could help one child? Wouldn’t that be worth it to you?
Well that is what I face every day on fornits and I post against all odds to reach a few parents who are looking for help for their child. We all know in reality that not all programs are the same and that they help a tremendous number of children. Fornits choses to focus on the kids who have been abused and didn’t finish the program which is a good cause but many here deceive parents into not getting any help for their own children or making them feel guilty for trying. I try to add balance to that. I think you would do the same thing in your circumstance if you could.
...
You must realize that most of the world agrees with your position. Take a look at the comments on any news story regarding a death in a program. Most cheer it on, saying the "little bastard deserved what they got". You get out of the program and tell your parents you were abused and they say it was for your own good. You tell the police and they say they can't do anything. You call a lawyer and they ask for thousands of dollars. You write your congressman, they send you a form response letter.
You are not in the minority, TheWho. On fornits, perhaps, but not in the real world. Fornits has an accurate tally now of how many people are on this forum. A dozen, maybe a few more or less, at any given time. That's a very small sliver of the population.
The reason why so many parents believe programs work, is because on the surface, it "seems" like a good idea. All the words and pictures fit together in a mythical way that creates an aura of pleasant imaginations. I know, because I wasn't forced into all the programs I attended. I went willingly to a couple of them after perusing brochures, and discussing it over with my psychiatrist and my parents. Weren't we all surprised when we found out it was horribly abusive, both psychologically and physical. Well, the truth is neither the psychiatrist or parents cared. For a while, eventually after a long period of estrangement they realized I had no motivation to lie, and I had been telling the truth after all.
Fornits is one of the only places in the world where you can discuss these events, and people will believe you. My own friends don't believe what I tell them, so I am never surprised when a parent or someone like that doesn't either. It doesn't make sense. These things don't happen in the United States, a country which everyone thinks would protect it's children. But the truth is bad things happen in programs, and the reason bad things happen is because the theory behind the "treatment" is flawed.
I went from the juvenille justice system, to the psychiatric system, to the RTC system, and finally through the private program arena. The biggest noticeable difference is that the kids in the private sector, I couldn't figure out for the life of me why they were there. I knew why I was there, I was the "special case". The fucked up kid with a long list of mental illness and medication, which nobody knows what to do with. There was a couple of us who had actually been addicted to hard drugs, done illegal things, and faced criminal charges and incarceration. 98% of the kids I met in private programs were there for reasons that do not justify forced incarceration.
I am still flabbergasted at their fate. Kids as young as 12 all the way to 18, all offered the same form "treatment plan" which consisted of uncomfortable and unhealthy living conditions (we all got pink eye and scabies), coercive brainwashing also referred to as behavior modification, confrontational group therapies which consisted of the group of kids tearing each other down, to the delight and entertainment of the high-school educated staff. I know this type of environment does not help anyone, from kids like me who were in treatment for a reason, to the majority who had no business being in any sort of locked environment.
I know what good treatment looks like. The difference is night and day. Private programs and the theories behind their actions do harm, and no good. Notice I did not say they do more harm than good. The good that parents perceive, is a culmination of the child's fear and gratification of being granted leave from the precarious and dangerous situation they surprisingly found themselves in. Parents see this as some sort of result, but it is false. I saw what happens before the parents enter the room. I know what was told of us, what we were supposed to say, and what we weren't supposed to say. The program and us were partners in deception. Deception of the only people that matter, the people signing the checks. This deception continues into the home after the child's eventual return, in fear of being sent again. Many parents vocalize this thread quite regularly as a way to keep order. Fear works.
Positive professional treatment versus confrontational and coercive programs, the effectiveness to me is obvious having flavored both. Remember those normal kids who were sent to a program for ditching school, smoking ciggarettes and having sex? Some of them get out and then kill themselves because of what was done to them.
Parents want to send their kid away for conduct disorder, or depression. A proper RTC will not under any circumstances take a kid away from their school, family and friends for this. As professionals they know that these are better treated in the home. Parents are bypassing traditional treatment because they feel the bar is too high on how "bad" their teen has to get in order to do a full intervention (lockup). I've seen the consequences of this myself, and it's not inspiring.
So you claim that your views and opinions are not tolerated and you are an oppressed minority, forgive me for finding this laughable. You can imagine if fornits equated society how it would feel to be us in everyday life.
You have the entire world. We have this small sliver of cyberspace.
As far as parents finding this site and me trying to scare them into not sending their teen. I plead guilty. I would never suggest a parent follow the actions of my parents, nor would they. But we both know not many parents stop into fornits and read 5 page long threads. Google troubled teen and see what they read. It's 99.9% pro program marketing websites.
I told my parents in letters exactly what was happening, actions that would land a parent in jail if they were done at home, and they ignored it. They chose to believe the programs explanation that it was all manipulation.
I have no anger any more, it's been several years. I love both my parents and we get along. I am more concerned that other people will follow their mistaken choice, as they freely admit, and it will result in a family's destruction instead of it's salvation. Our goals seem to be the same, our experience seems to differ greatly.
