Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones

When did you "wake up"?

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AuntieEm2:
AuntieEm2 wrote:

--- Quote ---I have made contact with several really, really sharp adolescent mental health doctors and therapists, though I am trying to find someone with experience with cults.
--- End quote ---
alia wrote:

--- Quote ---i would honestly be less concerned with finding someone sharp, and more concerned with someone very warm. someone kind. tenderness is very important because it is the most lacking thing in these environments.
--- End quote ---
Yes, poor choice of words on my part, I agree warmth, tenderness, patience, kindness, understanding, and healing are all needed.

I found those characteristics in these two therapists (I talked with at least half a dozen). By "sharp" I mean other stuff like they are knowledgeable about dysfunctional family dynamics, they understand the traumatic nature of the programs, they approach teen behavior issues with a completely open lens (including looking at the family as a whole, exploring possibilities like exposure to toxins or whether medications are the issue, etc.), they don't see things in black and white, and they would be advocates for my niece's needs alone--not mine, not her parents', only hers.  

You know, all these respected experts I've talked to agree: the therapeutic boarding school programs do not comport with any professional standard of care that is taught or practiced in the U.S.

alia wrote:

--- Quote ---imagine being raped daily for 2 and a half years by a family friend and then suddenly returned home where no one knows anything about it and trust the family friend far more than they trust you.
--- End quote ---
Yikes, scary but helpful analogy. My situation is chicken feed by comparision, but I, too, feel that many of my family members choose to trust the secretive and manipulative parents rather than (loyal and trustworthy) me, when I am doing detailed research and offering mountains of credible documentation. I know how much that hurts me, and my niece's experience must be a hundred times as hurtful.
 
alia wrote:

--- Quote ---so she is going to need a lot of patience and expressions of her worth. she will be completely convinced of her worthlessness, and be actively projecting that worthlessness onto you regularly, and my become enraged, and expose your deepest secrets, the ones you are in denial about, we all have them, and she will sniff them out and shove your face in them because she beleives thats the right thing to do.
--- End quote ---
Yes, not sure what I will be getting myself into, but I love her.

alia wrote:

--- Quote ---and unfortunately dont expect her to want any sort of counseling.
--- End quote ---
I'm prepared to accept that she may reject me and the friendship I want to give her; she may not be interested in any advice or help from anyone.  

You suggest going there, and you offer to go with if you could  because "the most healing thing she could experience is a clear condemnation of what they are doing." I'm working on it. I really am wrestling with what comes next.  

Thanks, Alia.

Auntie Em

Anonymous:

--- Quote ---well i think it would have helped me a lot if ANYONE in my family, as soon as i got out, really sat me down and told me 'look, i am so sorry i could not get you out of there, but i know it was wrong what they did, and if you ever want to talk about what they did to you, what they made you do, you can talk to me about it."

i think that would have helped me a lot, cause i knew it was wrong, but i thought everyone in the universe agreed with them, cause thats how they made it out

--- End quote ---


I've been thinking about this Alia, like Auntie, who's niece is in a program, I have a child in a treatment center RIGHT NOW. Many months since I've  spoken to my child.

What you said above is exactly what I intended to say, however I am worried that my child will disagree, that I'M the one who will appear wrong, after so much convincing the program's ideals are the correct ones.

The graduates of the programs are PRETTY convinced the program is great, saved their life etc., seems anything contradictory is strongly opposed by the graduates.

Would I be seen as anything but the enemy?

try another castle:

--- Quote ---Would I be seen as anything but the enemy?
--- End quote ---


Probably not, but she will remember you and what you said when she *does* come around.

Those things very much need to be said right when she gets out of the grinder, but best to formulate it in a question and answer kind of thing. One thing that she is going to be adverse to is being lectured, since she has had her fill of that already. Best to just ask her what it was like, listen to her answers, then ask her things that question the validity and logic of the program, but in a gentle way. "Don't you think that is kind of extreme?" "No." "Why not?" That kinda stuff. Let her have the conversation, she hasn't in a while. She will probably interrupt you a lot. Every program survivor I have talked to has terrible conversation manners (including myself) We constantly step over each other's sentences.


All it takes is to plant a seed...

Anonymous:
Thanks Castle, We were already having the conversational manners problem prior to treatment!

He'll be 18 in a few months, but court ordered to the program, I sure hope he contacts me when he gets out.

try another castle:
Oh sorry. For some reason I thought "she". Probably because Auntie Em was talking about her neice.

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