This post was sent to the Struggling Teens forum by me a couple of days ago, in response to the never-ending "You've done such a great and loving thing for your child by sending him away to get help" postings. It appeared, but was deleted by moderator Jena when she checked the next day. I have received one private message question about it from a reader, which brings up something interesting. This is about the 3rd deleted post (out of 10 I've made) and I am AMAZED that these ST parents don't seem to have a clue about WWASP, or any such facilities or programs.
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Dear Sue,
Your post, copied below, has been deleted from the "Parenting Issues" forum on Strugglingteens.com because it is hostile and also contains names and/or locations of specific programs.
If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Thanks
Jena Martin
Board Moderator
Sue Kolbo
Member
Member # 3362
posted June 12, 2003 10:36 PM
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I cried tonight...first time in a couple of months. I went into the bathroom and husband ("Grandpa") found me sitting on the side of the tub with a towel over my head, crying. Sometimes it overwhelms me, and I wish I were dead.
This is a support forum, but Jena has made it clear that it is not a support forum for parents/grandparents in my situation. I have a child in an internationally controversial program...one who has not spoken to her mother in the 7+ months since she was dropped off in Mexico, one who tries to teach herself out of books without any teacher, one who still cannot talk to *anyone* except in "rap" group circles, one who gets 30 daily minutes drill running around the interior courtyard inside the 24-foot walls for physical exercise outside, one who lives in a world without parents, friends, peers, world news, one who somehow knows that she is in it for at least another year....
She has been cut off from us, her grandparents, because we are not "positive and supportive of the Program", and so she exists in this netherworld of random rules and punishments meted out by kids barely beyond her in age and length of prison term. She is in **** , and so are we.
This is to all you thoughtful, caring, desperate, searching parents who investigate, visit, check references, and communicate with either your children or their therapists on a regular basis:
Be careful what you preach. When you are in the grocery check-out line, when you are waiting in the Jiffy Lube lounge, when you are speaking at a luncheon with other parents about how successful your child has been in your chosen placement: to every potential parent with a problem child, whether a real problem or simply adolescence, your advice is powerful. The majority of parents with problems will first check the Internet. They will be bombarded with marketing...every Google search for Teen Help, troubled teen, teens in crisis, etc....will return an 800 number for a company who promises to fix *all* ills. This same company has had numerous facilites closed, most recently in Costa Rica, for abuse. There is no horseback component, no hiking in the mountains, no mingling with local culture, no safe and loving environment. This is a cult of brainwashing which will return to you a compliant child, after much time and much money spent. What the rest of that child's life holds is a crap shoot.
I read here and take some solace in the care each of you seems to bring to your child's problems. Please remember that not everyone is so involved. Temper your enthusiasm for your child's successes when talking to others, for they may not be so diligent as you. A whole different "solution" is hammering at their door. Please don't be responsible for sending another teenager to such a fate. Thank you.
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Posts: 10 | From: Red Bluff, CA | Registered: Dec 2002 | IP: Logged |
