Author Topic: Rebelling against your parents (Read 3749 times)

Anonymous · « **on:** December 19, 2007, 05:51:40 AM »

Their parentsâ€™ instincts are warped, and murderous. Being obedient, and pleasing your parents, means destroying yourself.

After I left program, my parents continued to manipulate, terrorize, and hurt me in ways I can't go into, but resulted in intense physical debilitation. Rebelling completely was the only way to survive...a process I had progressed far in, previously, until my program detour.

I am curious how survivors here, went about separating themselves from their parents', emotionally, and physically..

Anonymous · « **Reply #1 on:** December 19, 2007, 06:58:26 AM »

Woops, the first part of that fell off. (It's early.) This should say:

Quote from: ""Guest""

Rebelling is a normal part of growing up. But, for kids of abusive parents, who place them in programs, rebellion is critical. Their parentsâ€™ instincts are warped, and murderous. Being obedient, and pleasing your parents, means destroying yourself.

After I left program, my parents continued to manipulate, terrorize, and hurt me in ways I can't go into, but resulted in intense physical debilitation. Rebelling completely was the only way to survive...a process I had progressed far in, previously, until my program detour.

I am curious how survivors here, went about separating themselves from their parents', emotionally, and physically..

jjpinks · « **Reply #2 on:** December 19, 2007, 09:05:07 AM »

For me it was moving to 9 different states in a 10 year time frame to keep my distance from them.

I had a conversation with my father (we have always butted heads and never really got along) about how I was as a teenager. I tried to explain to him that I really wasn't a bad kid, just went through a rough patch and became really rebelious. I told him that I wasn't a "druggie" like they wanted me to be. And I wasn't a sex-fiend either. Hell, when I went to my program I was a virgin and they made me out to be a freakin slut!
Anyway, my father asked me if I felt that going to a treatment facility made a difference in my life, I told him that it did, but not in a good way. I tried to explain it to him but he didn't get it. Maybe he is still in denial about anything bad that happened there, or maybe my mother (the one that came up with the idea from a guidance counselor at school where she taught) is still to this day telling him that it was for the best. Even though when their insurance ran out, they had to take a 2nd mortgage out on the house and didn't get that paid off for 15 years!
The emotional scars are still there. Actually, they aren't scars yet, they are still open wounds. I have never really dealt with the feelings that I still have and maybe that's why I am here. To see that there are others with the same problems and feelings and know that it's ok to feel this way and that life will go on. I will someday be able to talk to my parents and my husband openly about what happened, until then, this is the only place that I feel "safe" sharing.
I know that probably didn't answer your question, but it helped me a little.

Anonymous · « **Reply #3 on:** December 19, 2007, 10:41:09 AM »

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/sh ... st10051578

Anonymous · « **Reply #4 on:** December 19, 2007, 10:51:11 AM »

the day i got back i lit a joint that was stashed in my room for the entire time i was in a program, and smoked it in front of my furious parents. they got pissed at first....but then figured "oh...just let him be. he'll come to his senses on his own" because they were so sick of trying to police me.

we found a middle ground eventually. I dont light up inside the house, she doesnt get angry. i get good grades, stay out of trouble in general, she stays happy. so now i do everything i got sent away for in the first place (primarily smoking weed, staying out late), and i dont get bothered as long as i fullfill my responsibilites. A big reason why this worked out is because I drew the line. I showed them that they no longer have power over me, and that if they want to have a relationship with their son, they have to earn it by treating me with the same respect that i treat them with.

things got even better after the HLA lawsuit. my parents thought i was lying...manipulating, etc all along when i was telling them stuff about hla to get them to pull me out. when the lawsuit came around, my mom apologized to me, crying hysterically. i had her read "help at any cost"...and now she's one of us fornii.

Froderik · « **Reply #5 on:** December 19, 2007, 11:05:24 AM »

I was over 18 when I finished. I got thrown out of my mom's house for breaking a stupid program rule during "aftercare." That was the end of my contact with anything program. I had no contact with them (especially my mom) for a couple of years which was fine with me at the time, as I wanted to be out on my own and was not remotely interested in going to college or living with either of my parents.

Anonymous · « **Reply #6 on:** December 19, 2007, 01:26:53 PM »

I didn't have to deal with my parents. I spoke to them once a year after my programs, usually on Christmas. There was no point talking to them weekly like I had done in my programs. The only reason why I did talk to them was in hopes they'd let me come home. Never happened, and once I ran, I had my freedom, and didn't need them anymore. In fact, I was so pissed at them, I didn't allow myself to see them, or talk to them on a regular basis for 10 years.

hurrikayne · « **Reply #7 on:** December 19, 2007, 09:54:35 PM »

Five days after my 18th birthday, I flew the coop. I went home for the first time about four years later, to visit. I stopped by once more about a year later. I was still too angry & bitter to deal with them, so then I waited another 11 years before going back. I didn't have "regular" contact with them for many years.

Anonymous · « **Reply #8 on:** December 19, 2007, 10:20:22 PM »

Quote from: ""hurrikayne""

Five days after my 18th birthday, I flew the coop. I went home for the first time about four years later, to visit. I stopped by once more about a year later. I was still too angry & bitter to deal with them, so then I waited another 11 years before going back. I didn't have "regular" contact with them for many years.

Quote from: ""Froderik""

I was over 18 when I finished. I got thrown out of my mom's house for breaking a stupid program rule during "aftercare." That was the end of my contact with anything program. I had no contact with them (especially my mom) for a couple of years which was fine with me at the time, as I wanted to be out on my own and was not remotely interested in going to college or living with either of my parents.

Seperating yourself, i think, is the best move. Sadly, 17 or 18 year olds can remain dependant, or unnaturally dependant on there parents. Like, for example, I knew a kid who was very sick physically, and couldn't fend for herself. That kid's life is twisted, now, badly.

Where did u guys live when you split?

hurrikayne · « **Reply #9 on:** December 19, 2007, 10:24:01 PM »

The Lone Star State.

HG · « **Reply #10 on:** December 20, 2007, 02:16:14 AM »

I left, was basically disowned. I came back for Christmases, worried about my dad's health, but never able to really talk. I never told him the whole deal of what really went down there. Afraid to break his heart. My dad eventually died, we never did talk.

My mom? Lost cause. Sibling? Also a lost cause. They are busy being successful in their own way. Not bad people, but Im really just a drag to be around. I havent been back in a while, some years now.

Anonymous · « **Reply #11 on:** December 20, 2007, 03:52:28 AM »

Quote from: ""hurrikayne""

The Lone Star State.

hehe, I mean how did you survive? Did you stay with friends.

I am a teen, whose broken from the parents, but still depend on them in many ways. I would break completely, but have complications....I don't know, i have conflicting feelings

lorrispickelmire · « **Reply #12 on:** December 20, 2007, 03:58:50 AM »

I didn't make mine soon enough and let my mom steal things from me that I can never get back. My daughter is 18 years old and does not know who I am because I didn't break from my mother soon enough. You just have to get out, get a job and make your own way. Later if you still are conflicted you can start to mend the relationship on your terms. Dont give your parents control, they have already shown they are not good at making choices for your life. If your parents were sorry, compassionate, empathetic my answer would be different, but if they are still controlling you you have to get away.

Anonymous · « **Reply #13 on:** December 20, 2007, 08:45:21 AM »

What i dont get about all this, is the fact that it happens, kids grow up and become young adults-its not rocket science, in all this the parents and the program operators keep resisting that process. being inflexible and sooner or later abusive to some degree. Its disgusting. they are the ones who need 'programs'.
More should be done to stop this crap

lorrispickelmire · « **Reply #14 on:** December 20, 2007, 01:29:22 PM »

M, you are right and more is being done. This industry has taken over 50 years to grow into what it is, it will not be shut down tomorrow. But trust me when I tell you this, IT WILL BE SHUT DOWN!!!!!!!!

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