I mean, fuck, man. I even *supported* in a Childrens.
Yeah, when you guys say supported does that mean you helped out like backroom style or did they actually let you help facilitate.
Because at my school, right before i graduated they actually let me facilitate with three other adults, big chair, etc., the "childrens propheet".
I remember it being kind of odd though because like half way through during the group part we were in the backroom and tim brace talked to me and he was like, "i don't understand why you don't just (paraphrasing) ream someone who is obviously full of shit; and i didn't really have an answer for him. i'm not the give somebody shit type of person then or now. i guess i get mad at people occasionally and certainly let them know it with a raised voice but i have to feel it you know. thats the thing i hated so much about this stuff is because i wouldnt and wont do that unless i feel it. And they always wanted us to trump up these sort of emotions. fake it if you will; and that i never got then and still resent now because the faking it was the whole thing we were supposed to get mad at the other person over to begin with.
After graduation though we smoked ganja on graduation night and it got back to everyone at the school and i got letters and tidbits from those in the childrens propheet that i facilitated like "what happened, etc." and it was such a surreal thing because though i talked about definitely gonna be getting high when i left etc., there was still boundaries up until the very last day that you couldn't really make actual 'plans' to do something like that so you had to be sort of down low about your actual intentions while talking in groups about your 'fears' of getting high when you leave, meanwhile everybody knew we were gonna get high on grad night even though even amongst friends you couldn't come out and just say it that way, unless you wanted to not graduate.
damn, 12 years later and my stomach is still kind of in knots just kind of thinking about the bull shit stress of juggling all these personas and fronts. And the whole thing they were trying to get us to do was be real and honest. Grrrrrrr!!!
Another thing I remember was it got real crazy around school when somebody actually went beyond the boundaries of being too honest. It was interesting because the staff never knew how to react. Like it was always push push push to be brutually and completely honest with everything, and it worked 99% of the time. But every once in a while somebody would say something really honest but so far over the line of what was socially accetable that even the staff would become uncomfortable and that was a real showstopper. Like one time we had this guy, and i wasn't at the school yet (like a month or two before i got there), but a guy in group or a workshop said that he had thought about what it would be like to rape one of the girls. Certainly a show stopper, and he got in trouble for it. But it was so weird because it was like, be honest, but that was way too honest, so nobody knew how to react and it became cover your ass time for the staff.
anyways, nice to sort of get this stuff out after so long. not that i've been freaking about it or anything but still, i guess it still affects me when i think about it. such intense experiences; and thats another thing i hate the most about this whole thing is that this bull shit happened when i was supposed to be dating girls and getting laid, etc., but instead i'm going through emotional clusterfuck in my prime teenage years (16,17,18).
Fuck that school.
Peace.
