Author Topic: Teens are destructive by nature, like all rodents  (Read 1631 times)

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Offline Nihilanthic

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Teens are destructive by nature, like all rodents
« on: December 09, 2007, 06:46:29 PM »
From: http://stcharlesjournal.stltoday.com/op ... _1.ii1.txt

Note: Someone took a thing about squirrel proofing and replaced "squirrel" with "teen".
Quote

One of the most common teen removal services we provide is for teens in the attic.

During certain times of the year, teens will enter homes by chewing their way into your house. Once inside, teens can cause significant damage to your home. Some of the most common forms of damage associated with teen infestation include shredded and damaged insulation, stains from urine and other waste matter, and a pungent odor throughout the home.Of course, the most serious danger of having teens in your home is a fire hazard. Teens are destructive by nature, and like all rodents they chew on wires. This can be avoided by having the teens removed from your home and then teen-proofing your house to make sure they don't return.

Teens across the area are constantly getting themselves into trouble. They are mischievous by nature, and fall down chimneys, get stuck in woodstoves and squeeze their way into places they shouldn't be. We have removed teens from just about every part of the house at one point in time.

"It sounded like a party in my attic!"

"We were unknowingly running a bed and breakfast for teens!"

If you've made comments like these, you're not alone. These are actual testimonials from people who've had their sanity restored after using our teen removal service.

While many people think teens are adorable, clever little creatures, homeowners know them to be destructive, dangerous, loud and annoyingly persistent pests. Teens can cause significant damage now and leave your home vulnerable to hazards later on.

Then there is that constant, nightly racket you have to endure. Once you discover you have a teen infestation, call us immediately to discuss ways to get rid of them.

We will emphasize the importance of teen-proofing your home. Believe us when we tell you that if you don't seal up the access points the teens used to get into your house, you will have more teens return to your home!

In some cases, teens are using four or five holes in your roof to get inside. All of these must be properly sealed to prevent their return, but ONLY after we're 100 percent sure there are no teens inside before we seal it. The last thing we want to do is trap a teen in the attic. We've heard cases where the teen will eat their way right into the living room in an effort to get out!

One question we often get is, "What do you do with the teens after you remove them?"

Actually, the teens aren't removed; we just seal your house while they are away so that they cannot return. Once the teens realize they can't get back in, they will go look for a new dwelling. They are quite the resourceful little creatures.

Our customer Jim R. put it best when he said, "The teens are gone, and so are the smells! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

We thank you, Jim R., for your business. We wish all of our customers a happy, teen-free winter!

Scott Beck of St. Charles is a Web page specialist for a health foundation in St. Louis. He writes a semimonthly column for the Journal.
« Last Edit: December 10, 2007, 10:06:40 PM by Guest »
DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Anonymous

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Teens are destructive by nature, like all rodents
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2007, 09:47:53 PM »
This is very alarming information, thank you for posting it.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Nihilanthic

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Teens are destructive by nature, like all rodents
« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2007, 10:07:34 PM »
Quote
One question we often get is, "What do you do with the teens after you remove them?"

Actually, the teens aren't removed; we just seal your house while they are away so that they cannot return. Once the teens realize they can't get back in, they will go look for a new dwelling. They are quite the resourceful little creatures.


Hrm....
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Che Gookin

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Teens are destructive by nature, like all rodents
« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2007, 10:18:55 PM »
This used to be standard practices at the age of 18 many years ago. Now with these 'teens' are dependent upon their parents well into their 40s.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline hurrikayne

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Now THAT was funny
« Reply #4 on: December 10, 2007, 10:44:40 PM »
I laughed until I cried, all the while reading it out loud to my family.  My very own teenager didn't like it so much.  My husband thought it was pretty good.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
"Motivation is everything. You can do the work of two people, but you can\'t be two people. Instead, you have to inspire the next guy down the line and get him to inspire his people. " - Lee Iacocca

Offline barkway

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couldn't stop laughing...
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2007, 05:50:03 PM »
OMG, I laughed so hard, it HURT! Sent that to everyone in my family. The sad part is....that's actually a great word substitution!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Nihilanthic

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Re: Now THAT was funny
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2007, 06:19:39 PM »
Quote from: ""hurrikayne""
I laughed until I cried, all the while reading it out loud to my family.  My very own teenager didn't like it so much.  My husband thought it was pretty good.


Why not go give your teenager a hug and kiss instead of say he or she didn't like it?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Anonymous

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Teens are destructive by nature, like all rodents
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2007, 04:48:57 AM »
that is pretty funny, sadly, you actually can have those pesky teens removed
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline hurrikayne

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My teen
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2007, 09:53:20 PM »
...
« Last Edit: July 01, 2008, 09:21:04 PM by hurrikayne »
"Motivation is everything. You can do the work of two people, but you can\'t be two people. Instead, you have to inspire the next guy down the line and get him to inspire his people. " - Lee Iacocca

Offline Nihilanthic

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Teens are destructive by nature, like all rodents
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2007, 11:07:32 PM »
Just hug her and ask if she wants to go pick nuts out of pine cones.

I remember being 14. You don't want to admit it but you still like the affection. Being a teenager means being hormonal and foolish.

At least now I'm honest enough with myself to know I like to hug people   :D
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Anonymous

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Teens are destructive by nature, like all rodents
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2007, 11:22:45 PM »
Quote
You don't want to admit it but you still like the affection.


Funny, I can't seem to remember anything but hating them since the age of seven.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »