WHAT IS A RAP, ANYWAY?

[blownawaytheidahoway]

I have posted extensively about raps. And yet when I present to a reader I am assailed with questions...this is good. There are so many aspect to describe accurately what kids felt/ FEEL at these places. Here are some addendums to my book. What is a rap?

a rap lasted from 1pm until the facilitator of the rap heard another rap getting out. More than occasionally a rap would last well beyond this first indicator that dinner was roughly one hour away. Raps during winter time were the worse because the sun would go down at three in the afternoon, we would get out of the rap and it would be frigidly windy and desolate.

Raps were supposed to get out 5 p.m., but they could go as late as the facilitator deemed necessary. If threre was a lot of action in a rap the facilitator seemed capable of magnificent feats.
Every Rap consisted of three staff members. Keeping in mind that there was only one "power staffer" running the rap, while the other two were supporters, older students were expected to fall into rank and file according to where their peer group fell in the lineage of the program.

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday raps could be expected. Anticipated with great dread, every kid knew what to expect, to some extent, provided they had been there a full week. After three raps, many things become clear.

Many things become more a mystery after the third rap theory. ok that I'm working on:

What does a RAP do, anyway?

[Anonymous]

What does a rap do? I know that it terrifies participants. I know that it exploits, humiliates, demeans, and manipulates. In know that is crosses every ethical boundary. I know it rapes you of emotional safety.

But what do they do? They were supposed to be intensive peer counseling/group therapy facilitated by professional staff.  Isn't that how they explained it to parents?

[Anonymous]

a rap was torture cloaked as therapeutic sessions. Being made to sit in those chairs for the duration of one rap would have been enough to send Any parent screaming. They were always downtoned somewhat when visitors sat in on raps. When outsiders sat in on raps it was an obvious signal to the older students in the rap (of which there were plentiful numbers of decent kids even if they were ass kissing pigfuckers) to take charge and be emotional giants. A rap was a time for

[stina]

A rap was something that made you thankful for Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends. Especially when another student was making some weird powerplay by requesting you. Whenever you got into a fight with someone, you just knew that it was going to be "aired out" in front of people who didn't need to be involved. You knew there were going to be seats exchanged and someone was going to yell at you. And then others were going to get into the action and you'd have to start crying and running your shit as soon as possible to alleviate some of the hostility coming at you. Brutal. B r u t a l. And talk about learning the power of manipulation. Geez. I remember when I was first there, I was walking around with this girl in my peergroup who was half hispanic and half white. And I said something like was it cool to have two different nationalities and cultures as part of her life, and the next thing I knew I was being rocked in a Caroline rap by her big brother and sister because I supposedly called her a halfbreed. Which I never did. But at that point, point of no return. That was before I knew to start crying about my dad immediately in those situations. So I just sat there, legs and arms crossed, not getting a word in edgewise, and being smirked at by the girl in my peergroup who put the whole fucking thing in motion. Boy that was a fun one.

I honestly don't remember a single rap that achieved anything good for me. A few of the propheets were actually good for me, others (dreams) I could have seriously done without. God don't get me started on the fucking dreams, I hated that propheet. But I digress. Anyway, that's my initial thought on raps.

[stina]

Many things become more a mystery after the third rap theory.

Curious what you're thinking about that.

[dishdutyfugitive]

Raps were the true enforcer.

Without them CEDU would have been an episode of Dr. Phil. An unclothed drooling Dr. Phil on late night cable.

[Psianide]

A rap provides a safe place to resolve differences, and take care of your feelings - in theory at least.

In practice raps were the triweelky reeducation that kept the community afraid, submissive and assimilated. Raps were a power dynamic wherin the authorities would reestablish and retain thier dominance by verbally thrashing those who could be deemed weak, defiant or abnormal.

There was a councillor at NWA by the name of Lori Rist, who often liked to talk about how "you don't have to watch your back here" because NWA is safe. The contrasts she would draw between our former lives and the program were highly ironic, because watching our backs was exactly what all of us did all the time. There was an established forum there where any level of verbal agression was allowed - primate dominance displays without the brown spots on the walls.

[try another castle]

Raps gave my hands butterflies. It was the weirdest thing. Normally people get it in their stomachs. Well... I got them in my hands, and it SUCKED. I used to have a ritual right before I sat down for afternoon house around the pit. I would bend over and place my palms flat on the floor and exhale as hard as I could, trying to send all of that energy from my hands into the floor. My friend from high school called it "grounding". I called it ineffective. But I never stopped. It became my "thing" I practiced MWF afternoons without fail. I was trying to exorcise a demon that kept hanging on.

Now, every time I get nervous and get hand-butterflies, my brain races back to how I felt when lunch was over and everyone was gathering around to hear the rap sheet get read off, knowing that anyone's name who was read adjacent to yours was most likely someone who requested you. Once those names are read, your mind races, fretting, trying to remember "When did I piss that person off? What the fuck did I do? What does he have against me? Did he actually request me? Maybe nobody requested me and my name is just next to theirs. Maybe they are requesting me for support? But we aren't that close, so that doesn't make any sense." blah blah blah and on and on

So you sit in the rap the whole time, keeping an eye on those two people whose names were on either side of yours. Every time the facilitator barks "Let's move on." You scan for any sign of movement from those two people, praying neither of them cross the room to trade seats with another student, so they can yell at you about "throwing a dagger" that you don't even remember.

Then, once indicted, it is a free for all. The main crux of the original indictment is cast off to the wind. It is now open season for anyone to air any grievance they  have against you. You pissed me off last tuesday,  you dress like a slob, you eat like a pig, you look like a total loser doing the loop. Once you are sufficiently humiliated and weepy, a staff interjects and asks "What's going on?"

What's going on? People in room are screaming humiliating things at me, that's what the fuck is going on. What? You think these tears are over a divorce that happened over ten years ago? Sure, that's exactly what came  up in my mind when so-and-so was accusing me at 90 decibels of giving them athlete's foot in the shower.

Then the staff takes you to "that place" where your little girl/boy felt most alone and scared. "Go ahead. Give him/her a voice." the staff encourages. And you do, expectorating a cement truckload of mucus onto the floor, and maybe a couple of chunks of ground beef since taco bar was for lunch today. Wailing, crying. Fuck you mom, fuck you dad, you left me. FUUUUUUCK! FUUUUUCK YOOOOOUUUU! WHAT ABOUT ME??? Suddenly the real reason why you were upset is lost, and all you can think about is your inner child, and how sad it is when he/she gets hurt. You're back to being five, when nobody came to your birthday party. When the bully picked on you at school. When your dad left your mom. When you sucked cock for blow. (wait, did that happen?) All your little child wants is to be loved. After you have sufficiently screamed and completely dehydrated yourself, you give yourself direction not to be such a raging asshole in the future.

[dishdutyfugitive]

Castle

That was awesome! I'm very tempted to print it out and and share it with a few family members to see their reaction. Hmmmmm, ideally I'll say, "Hey this is really odd but read this and tell me what you think". Then after they read it and give me a bizarre look and say, "What the fucking fuck of all fucking fucked up fucks"? I'll tell them that's where I went to 'High School'. That's what I did every M/W/F. from 1-5 for 2 1/2 years while you were in Calculus or Spanish class that's how I was rolling.
That's how mom and dad fixed me.

Fuck yes - I'm going to do it.

Lori rist ......
Hmmmmmmm

Wannabe wicked witch of the west looking mrs. Rogers  beaaaatchhh

She was 1 staff that I never took serious . Never . Being in her raps was a 'waking nap '

the fact that she climbed the ladder there is joke.

A classic case of stockholm flavored kool aid

[stina]

Without them CEDU would have been an episode of Dr. Phil. An unclothed drooling Dr. Phil on late night cable.

Ewwwwww. That's an image that's not going away anytime soon.

[dishdutyfugitive]

After Late night public access cable Dr. Phil we have Late night public access cable Oprah.

Late night Oprah has a shaved head, pets small animals inappropriately and wears only body glitter.

[stina]

After Late night public access cable Dr. Phil we have Late night public access cable Oprah.

Late night Oprah has a shaved head, pets small animals inappropriately and wears only body glitter.

You're having way too much fun with this. Scares and fascinates me. And you're forgetting about late night Montel, late night Springer, and late night Jenny Jones. What do they do again?

[stina]

I forgot about Sally Jesse. She needs to be addressed.

[dishdutyfugitive]

Imagine a rap run by Sally Jesse

and

supported by:

Montel

Jerry Springer


after that I'd hope that Jenny Jones could help me get through 'dorm time'

[dishdutyfugitive]

After that you you're destined to have your  "Truth propheet" run by Nancy Grace.