How many have been diagnosed with bi-polar or posttrama/

[Anonymous]

How many of us have been diagnosed (or suspected)Bi-polar or post trauma disorders?

[try another castle]

I was diagnosed manic depressive (pre-cursor title to bipolar) in 1983, after my first suicide attempt. I was sent up to RMA  in 1987. I'm still bipolar, and whatever is going on with that actually doesn't have much to do with RMA. Whatever it is, bipolar in western medicine, plegm/heart-related issues in eastern medicine, it was definitely a pre-existing condition.

I do think there is a relation, however. I think that parents have started to reject conventional therapies for their children who suffer from mental disorders, and instead want to try something that looks a lot prettier on a brochure, or harsher, depending on how into the whole "tough love" boot camp thing the parent is. As such, I think that a lot of children who *should* be evaluated for a short time by a doctor, if they have gone 5150, end up instead in these places, where nobody is qualified to do anything.

I still cannot to this day believe that my parents NEVER once thought to ask if the staff who worked at the school were licensed therapists, or if there were actually any licensed staff at all. When I told my mom there weren't any, about half a year ago, she couldn't believe it. "What? Not one doctor? Not one therapist?" "No, mom. Jesus. You didn't think to look into this when you were placing me?"


I have never received a diagnosis for PTSD. I do think that I had it, as evidenced by some long term symptoms that have hung on quite stubbornly.

Seriously, having PTSD feels like you've been conditioned for something. If we push this button, we know he is going to do that. See how that works? Now let's go make some more people with that button.

[Anonymous]

BiPolar type II or whatever one is the milder form.

This was the WORST place you can send someone with legit depession, anxiety, BP, aspergers, or what have you.

All it did was mask, exacerbate, and ignore issues...

There were no qualified staff, no individual programs, when they did bring in  a Dr. it was drug you to conformity. (Meds were strictly verboten hen I was there.)

The psychodynamics of CEDU did little but compound preexisting issues exponentially.

[try another castle]

BiPolar type II or whatever one is the milder form.

This was the WORST place you can send someone with legit depession, anxiety, BP, aspergers, or what have you.

All it did was mask, exacerbate, and ignore issues...

There were no qualified staff, no individual programs, when they did bring in  a Dr. it was drug you to conformity. (Meds were strictly verboten hen I was there.)

The psychodynamics of CEDU did little but compound preexisting issues exponentially.

Definitely no argument there. I'm diagnosed BP 2 as well.

[AuntieEm]

I heard a therapist give a talk on child sexual abuse. In research, she had asked therapists to rank certain factors for what made a survivor's experience more traumatic.

Many therapists said things like:
*Violence and force. They felt a violent attack was more traumatic.
*How long the sexual abuse went on. The longer it went on, the more traumatic.
*(There were other factors but I can't find my notes, grrr)

Many survivors, however, reported different information, such as:
*Violence and force. Survivors who had been the victim of violent or forced abuse or rape were more clear that the abuse was not their fault. They were more likely to feel sure they were not to blame. Survivors of abuse without physical force generally reported feeling more traumatized because they engaged in more self-blame.
*How long the sexual abuse went on. The factor that was more likely to increase trauma in survivors was the length of time the abuse went unreported--specifically, the length of time the secret was kept by the survivor or others. Long-held secrets were more damaging.

I wish I could find my notes so I could describe this more accurately and completely, and tell you who the woman was who did this research--I don't like to give out incorrect or incomplete information. But this has been on my mind in relation to the trauma of being in the schools. The secrecy, inside and outside the schools. The way students are pressured/coerced/manipulated into cooperating in the attacks on themselves and others.

My point is that I think these factors may increase likelihood of trauma.

Auntie Em

[Anonymous]

That is a good point. Secrecy=more trauma.

The reason being is that it is inculcated from the beginning that you could tell no one. When you tried, you were further isolated from your family and subjected to more abuse in raps. Thus, you learn to not only squash your ability to stand up for yourself, but often, to adopt the program's schema as your own.  

Internally, there is a disconnect from the part of you that grasps at truth and the part of you that is programmed.  But you have no one to talk to about it: your program peers are too afraid to deviate from the accepted ideology; your parents drank the Kool Aid; and the outside world can't fathom your Twilight Zone experience. In fact, you may even feel, as fucked up as you are, that you are superior to "civilians" as a result of all your program experientials.

The harm done is that you have no way to process the experience safely and effectively after you leave. I know I split the program, and the difficulty of this was that I was now persona non grata to my peers at CEDU. Communication was verboten before and after... So, I had no way to make sense of it all.   It just ate away at me. I drank the Kool Aid and didn't spit it out... totally.... but it did make the awful churn.

I always admired the people who were very, very clear that the program was sheer utter bullshit, and didn't taste one drop of Kool Aid. But I don't recall any student behaving that way in the late eighties. They had as pretty tightly wrapped in that era.

What SOS describes (as being totally aware and non compliant) and Cedu Is A Cult discusses (underground) seems like impossibility to me. Serb paid the price and split a gazillion times, and Cult had to stay, but knew how to con the cons, but I wonder if they didn't internalize it as much being clear headed about the BS. Who knows?

Either way you were either hyper aware of the injustice or fighting yourself.  And like the incest/rape survivor, there is a part of you that feels culpable in facilitating your own devolution.

A program that relies upon demeaning yourself publicly over and over and over again is one that is antithetical to mental health.

[AuntieEm]

A program that relies upon demeaning yourself publicly over and over and over again is one that is antithetical to mental health.

Well put, and thanks for the post.

Auntie Em

[Anonymous]

shanlea123 totally.

That is a good point. Secrecy=more trauma.
   

Internally, there is a disconnect from the part of you that grasps at truth and the part of you that is programmed. But you have no one to talk to about it: your program peers are too afraid to deviate from the accepted ideology; your parents drank the Kool Aid; and the outside world can't fathom your Twilight Zone experience.

-i so agree with that.


The harm done is that you have no way to process the experience safely and effectively after you leave. I know I split the program, and the difficulty of this was that I was now persona non grata to my peers at CEDU. Communication was verboten before and after... So, I had no way to make sense of it all. It just ate away at me. I drank the Kool Aid and didn't spit it out... totally.... but it did make the awful churn.

-if it makes you feel any better i never spoke to any of the people i knew at cedu, pretty much,  a few, but they made it out like there was all this intimacy that people who split the program missed out on, all this comrodery and bonding and knowledge.  that was all, and i mean ALL, just a lie to keep people from splitting.  you missed out on nothing but further abuse.



Either way you were either hyper aware of the injustice or fighting yourself. And like the incest/rape survivor, there is a part of you that feels culpable in facilitating your own devolution.

-i have so much fucking guilt all the time now that i let them do this to my brain.  i am dealing with, processing it, but i am so enraged that i allowed it, it requires strong restraint to keep from attacking myself, and i have to keep reminding myself that i was only 14, that even though at 14 i thought i knew everything, i didn't, and one of the many things i didn't know was:

A program that relies upon demeaning yourself publicly over and over and over again is one that is antithetical to mental health.


amen to that.

[Anonymous]

I was diagnosed with Major Dressive Disorder and PTSD post CEDU. I did not have these prior to CEDU. oh yea and Anxiety disorder too.
I have also been told that I should be on anti-depressents for the rest of my life due to my adolesence trauma. AWESOME!

Just want to give a shout out... THANKS CEDU....(assholes)

[Psianide]

I was diagnosed with clinical depression pre-CEDU.

I haven't been to a therapist since I left that place.