They limit access to the parents so they can brainwash you and brainwash the parents. They tell the parents that your nothing but a manipulator and not to believe anything you tell them. Then they tell you that your parents will not believe anything you say, and if you say anything bad about the program in front of them than you lose your priviledge of seeing them. Youth are taught that they will not be believed, and that their feelings aren't real. So if the program ends up doing something abusive than it's a lot easier to cover up or gloss over because the teen is just 'lying' so they can get out of the program. These programs are really fucked up. I was in one that had a 'straight like' format. What they do is 'tear you down so they can build you back up again.' They make you paranoid. They make you lie. You lie and act fake, and have to have all the 'right' and 'normal' feelings at the right time so you can move up in steps. You can't always be happy because than you're accused of being fake. But if your sad all the time than your not dealing with your issues. So you have to learn how to alternate the happy and sad times and come across as a well adjusted normal teen(amid being in a fucked up program and living in psychological terror) I learned the hard way. I had my steps taken because I didn't talk enough to the other kids (I'm more of a quiet person anyway) So they accused me of being isolative and not dealing with anything, so there went my hard earned steps just because I didn't 'talk' enough. I finally got out, but I learned how to play their game. It's fucked up. These programs are devoid of love. It's all about confrontation and 'positive peer pressure' and brainwashing. You can't express feelings of sadness, loneliness, fear, or anger; because all that is viewed as either a manipulation or not going deep enough. I had to sit in a corner once for 3 days and was put on a peanut butter diet (water, bread, and peanut butter) because I was 'non-compliant'. The girls at the host home took different shifts at night to make sure I stayed in the corner sitting up. If I laid down the lights went on and the confrontation and yelling started. I saw a lot worse than that happen to other kids, but they told us we could call lawyers or the police but no one would believe us. We had to clean the walls and floors with toothbrushes. We had to constantly be doing something 'productive' or get yelled at by the 'higher steppers'. If you were a higher stepper and weren't hard enough on the 'lower steppers', than you got your steps taken.
These programs are horrifying and need to be shut down. They really cause a lot of psychological damage. When I went in when I was 14. I had experimented with a few drugs like pot and alcohol, you know. I was a rebellious teen but I wasn't an addict. Well they told me over and over again that I was an addict, that I needed to 'get honest'. If I didn't admit to my being an addict then they wouldn't let me move up in steps. Well, when I finally made it out of the hellhole (a year and a half later) that's when my drug addiction really started. I drowned myself in drugs- heavy drugs and didn't understand why until later. It was a desperate attempt to drowned my pain, and to live up to and prove my status as a 'drug addict' I suppose. I don't use drugs anymore now, but I did after I got out. These programs do not help kids, they make the problem worse.
What these kids need is love. Teenagers are confused about a lot of things, but they still have feelings. Their almost like 2 year olds all over again- defiant and rebellious, but yet still so tender inside and easily hurt all the while putting forth a tough exterior. Why the hell would you put your kid in a program like these tough 'love' programs and believe that they are helping them? I just don't understand. I have four kids and not matter how bad or defiant they are, I would NEVER NEVER put them in this type of program or any type and pawn them off for someone else to deal with. Kids need love- bottom line. Sorry for the long post, but gosh it feels so good to get this off my chest, I haven't talked about it in 15 years.
