Adult Children Living At Home

[psy]

Coping With Adult Children Living At Home

We understand the challenges you face with an adult child living at home. The students who require the assistance of our school usually do not want to be here. Many are late stage adolescents, or adult children living at home with parents rather contently. They have been skipping school, partying with friends, taking liberties with family members and indulging in other disruptive behaviors*. Others have been living at home with parents quietly, but doing nothing with their adult lives. Now they must leave their homes, family and friends and take the challenging steps necessary to move forward in their adult lives. To learn more about any aspect of our program, please contact us today.

source - http://www.benchmarkyoungadultschool.co ... ofile.html

Un B lievable.  They basically promise to take your recent (if even) graduate from HS and make him a "model citizen"... even if they're doing NOTHING wrong... What the fuck happened to "you're going to have to get a job or go to school, or we aren't going to pay for you...".

* notice they remind the parents immediately of how annoying their little hellspawn are (nice marketing tactic).  Misses the point entirely that everybody is an asshole sometimes and every parent feels wronged by their kids (and it does happen, but it does go both ways).  In my opinion, conflict in a family situation is inevitable and natural... especially when parents want to be obeyed, are used to it, and become angry when their kids turn out a little differently than they expected (natural).  Heaven forbid they make their own choices and learn their own consequences on their own.

Now if you think that little snippet is bad... guess what happens to the chosen few selected to graduate and become free advertising (until they kill themselves):

http://www.benchmarkyoungadultschool.co ... story.html

Success Story
Meet Meghan

One year ago this past September, Meghan arrived at Benchmark. “The first thing I did when I got here was to lie straight to Jaynie and Richard, by telling them that I absolutely did NOT have an addiction. I was scared to be here. I had no self esteem, no coping mechanisms and major anger issues,â€

[Ursus]

The self-congratulations drip through every sentence.  Pity the poor sacrificial lamb.

This generally goes two ways:  she makes a career for herself at Benchmark, or, once out of the limelight, commences with a major slide in the other direction.  People singled out for star-status like that are rarely able to quietly and gradually wake up on their own.  Sometimes they never do.

[psy]

The self-congratulations drip through every sentence.  Pity the poor sacrificial lamb.

This generally goes two ways:  she makes a career for herself at Benchmark

Already done...

Meghan Frawley
Weekend Resident Counselor

Meghan came to Benchmark Young Adult School in September, 2005 as a student. She admits to having no self-esteem, no coping mechanisms, anger issues and an addiction to alcohol and drugs. Meghan spent 18 months as a student at Benchmark. In that time, she rebuilt her self-confidence, re-establisher relationships with family and friends and took control over her life. She served as Benchmark’s Student Government President and was honored as Student of the Year for 2006. She has achieved almost two years living clean and sober. She worked as a Benchmark Resident Advisor when she was in the graduate program and is now a Weekend Resident Counselor. Her duties include assisting the students with their weekend independent living skills such as meal planning, shopping and household chores. She provides emotional and behavioral support and helps students with problem solving issues in addition to participation in activities such as bowling, roller skating, BBQ picnics, sporting games and charity runs. Meghan is studying to become a California State Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor. She has completed her first year of classes in counseling, crisis intervention and also in public speaking. Meghan enjoys spending time with her friends and going to Starbucks.

Source... http://www.benchmarkyoungadultschool.co ... story.html

or, once out of the limelight, commences with a major slide in the other direction.

Or both.  Staff quit/relapse/fired rate is crazy...

People singled out for star-status like that

See.  A lot of people don't realize that (they aren't cynical enough).  Some "students" were chosen for a fast track path.  I've been able to verify this happened from an ex staff member who was at another school.  It's not an illusory phenomenon.  Staff did pick some to be "success stories".  But it's just enough for marketing... As few as possible get picked, while the vast majority of students are kept chasing a carrot on the stick (that they'll get, and get taken away, until they figure out what's going on, start "spreading negativity" (or start a strike like I did), and get sent to one of the splendidly luxurious $60/week motels in Redlands CA...  And at night, instead of watching COPS on the TV, you can see it out your motel window.

Get a job?  Forget it.  No phone in the motel, also, if you got a job without Benchmark you were out (immediately) and if you got it with benchmark you had to sign over your paychecks... Go ahead...  Ask me a question.  They have every angle covered so you would stay in the program for as long as the parents have cash...  and when they runout, they tell your parents you blew your chances somehow and drop you on the street with no money, property, food, water, or in my case (but not always), identification.  AND  They'll convince your parents not to talk to you while you're in motel so you can't tell your parent what is going on. (recommendation of the psychologist after you "blow up", your parents refuse to take you out, conflict takes place, the program plays on that conflict (such as in suggesting you confront your parents about something, for example), and harsh words get thrown.

What if they called the cops?  Benchmark tells the students they have no rights (that they signed them away when they entered program).  Plus.  The owner (Jayne Longnecker) has local police in the family.  How did ambulance records disappear?  You ask me...  but that would require an insider on the police to accomplish.  Survivors (who attempted suicide or were otherwise 5150ed) have ambulance bills, and for some really strange reason, they don't line up with the Redlands PD records.

Somebody once suggested to me that it sounds like fraud inside the ambulance company, but there was also complicity by the police because they would come as well for suicide attempts (and would help out with a restraint (tazers, if necessary)).

are rarely able to quietly and gradually wake up on their own.  Sometimes they never do.

Some never do becuase their entire lives are built around that belief system, supporting it...  In other words, if that belief system (the program works, because I'm alive because of it) is threatened their entire lives would collapse...

Hey.  Wake up you fuckin program people.  This asshole who you hate is alive and kicking and, all things considering, actually doing pretty well.  My criminal record is spotless, grades are good... Definitely not dead...  Insane?  Eccentric perhaps, but in this conformist society, that's a very good thing IMO.

[Anonymous]

"coping" with adult children liveing "quietly" at home.  How sick that this is viewed as a negative!  
We live in a world where we have lost or in some cases, thrown away, the most vital of all reasons for being: connection.  Connection to people we love and who love us back.  Home is where you are supposed to be comfortable.   My daughters have lived with me as adults for extended periods of time and I loved every minute; I would have them with me all the time if I could only I went and bought them a house (like what young people are ever going to be able to afford one these days?...besides I get to see them enjoy their inheritance, which I worked hard for, while I'm alive instead of imagining how it will be after I croak)  My step-son lives with us.  He is 28,  is finishing up school where he has always been on the slow track and works with his father and me in a (money-making) musical group.  He has a very unique bond with his dad.  We don't have any " my house, my rules" stuff going on.  It is "our" house and we all do what we can to make living together cozy.  He has total freedom the result of which is that he is very respectful and considerate.  No one is pressuring him to be or do anything on  anyone's timetable but his.

People should stop with their stupid bowing to society's view of how things should be and do what really works for everyone in their family.  My daughter said it best when she was four:  " I'm the boss of my own self!"  If more parents had confidence in their parenting, the balls to tell society to kiss off and love their children unconditionally, being on their side right or wrong understanding that each minute with their precious children is a gift in a world that is random, violent and not very kind then these hellholes would not have a market.

[Nihilanthic]

Don't you know yet, silly, that people make up new problems and issues and controversies to make money and because its easier to fix a fake one than a real one?  :rofl:  :rofl:

[Oz girl]

I would think that a parent who is concerned that their young adult kid is not contributing educationally or financially would be reluctant to shell out this sort of cash. perhaps the marketing will backfire

[psy]

I would think that a parent who is concerned that their young adult kid is not contributing educationally or financially would be reluctant to shell out this sort of cash. perhaps the marketing will backfire

Nah...  This has been their website all along pretty much.  They basically advertise to everybody, not just "troubled" teens... (though the parents will believe they are troubled after Benchmark finishes with them).

For some reason, it works.  They claim to offer salvation from everything.  They'll claim a 95% sucess rate on the phone, they'll say you can write your girlfriend, they'll say all sorts of things.  The only thing people wonder about coming is the 30 day communication thing.  Soon you figure out why they won't let you talk to your parents.  Soon you'll be brought up on trumped up charges based on rumor and forced to admit (unless you want the punishment to get worse) to things you didn't do.  You'll learn that reporting on others isn't snitching on them, it's helping them follow their program, withough which, they'll die.  You see the optimistic AWOLs leave for the road only to see them come back later after realizing with not resources you're pretty much screwed (teaching everybody else they can't make it).  We were told that if we could make it on our own we wouldn't be there.  Or you get awols who have been so programeed to believe they are irrecoverable addicts (and failures since they didn't work the program) they immediately descend into drugs, often far worse (as they were told) than before the "relapse" if they were even doing drugs before Benchmark....

[Mummie]

Yes, some of these programs do very well, often these programs have transitional programs past 18 which they try and tell you your child still needs, which, don't fool yourself, the programs will try and sell you are voluntary, but they are only voluntary so long as the parents threaten the streets or the program.  Not much of an offer is it.

 :flame: I am so pissed off right now, my son just told me one of his friends, over 18, was just sent to CinHill or it was off to the streets.  This kid does NOT belong there, he's a total mental case, and this place is going to fuck him up, (excuse the language, but I am pissed), even more.

[psy]

Yes, some of these programs do very well, often these programs have transitional programs past 18 which they try and tell you your child still needs, which, don't fool yourself, the programs will try and sell you are voluntary, but they are only voluntary so long as the parents threaten the streets or the program.  Not much of an offer is it.

EXACTLY what happened with me.  It was the streets of Washington DC with no money or the "Boarding School".

[Oz girl]

its funny because over here it is pretty common for kids to stay at home while they are at college as it is the norm to go to university in your home state. Of course if you were 20 and permanently neither working or studying the average parent would be saying get a job or move out. A lot of young people also spend their university years or early 20s moving in and out of home before they settle down with their first proper adult career job. it was also pretty routine in my family to do a stint in a siblings attick. You got the comfort of a nicely appointed  home, but without your mum nagging you about how much you drank the night before. The sibling got someone with enough time on their hands to pick their kids up from school and throw a load of washing on. Everybody won.
 
in some parts of europe people stay at home till they marry even when they have the financial means to live away from home. I can remember goign to Italy with a friend who had family there and her 27 year old male cousin still lived in the family home. This was not considered at all unusual. Perhaps parents considering these young adult schools should be encouraged to look abroad in determining whether their kid is that off track

[BuzzKill]

in some parts of europe people stay at home till they marry even when they have the financial means to live away from home. I can remember goign to Italy with a friend who had family there and her 27 year old male cousin still lived in the family home. This was not considered at all unusual.

On a related note:

When I pulled my son from Dundee, it was set up so that he was traveling with one of the Costa Rican family reps. He went home with the guy the night before the flight out, and got to go grocery shopping with him, meet his family an all. I had the impression it was a good time. Altho, I was told the Costa Ricans are scary to be in a car with. Not a lot of road rules there, apparently.

Anyway, my son was talking about his future plans, which included his own place to live. This guy told him young Americans were foolish about that. They all want their own place. If they were smart, they would do like the Costa Ricans do - stay at home - work hard - save their money instead of struggling to pay all the cost associated with their own place - and someday inherite the family home - with all that money saved - and they would have a great life.

He and I both had a laugh about it. It does of course, make a lot of sense. But for some reason, American families just don't work this way. Maybe the more relaxed, laid back attitude of Latin America's (and Europeans) help them pull this off.

[Oz girl]

I can understand why western parents look forward to an empty nest. i dont know how i would feel about doing laundry for a 30 yr old. With many european cultures it evens out because grandparents live with the family so the adult child's turn to be forking out does come. But the idea that you would spend 50 k to punish your 20 yr old. just nuts!

[M_Hilton]

Yes, some of these programs do very well, often these programs have transitional programs past 18 which they try and tell you your child still needs, which, don't fool yourself, the programs will try and sell you are voluntary, but they are only voluntary so long as the parents threaten the streets or the program.  Not much of an offer is it.

EXACTLY what happened with me.  It was the streets of Washington DC with no money or the "Boarding School".

thing is now some of these kids COULDNT GET A JOB IF THEY WANTED TO
and thanks to benchmark my employment history has HUGE gaps in it i cant get jobs now and am finely giving up and getting SSI and i really dont like the idea

[try another castle]

I still snicker at the term "adult children"

We really do need to think of a better term than "children" to refer to one's offspring after they grow up.

[Anonymous]

in a word