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Author Topic: New memory  (Read 1929 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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New memory
« on: September 19, 2007, 07:53:12 PM »
I was just outside having a smoke and I remembered a particularly vicious torture method employed by one of my oldcomers to help me "accept my powerlessness".
When I went into AARC I was medicated to help curb my behavior. As an aside, my behavior was a result of a turbulent childhood which included being abused by my mother's friends son and my father being a schizophrenic.
My oldcomer used to give me my ritalin at night so I couldn't sleep at all and then blast me in rap in the morning for staying up "in my head" all night.
So why is it that to make me truly see the beauty that the program could bring to my life I had to be sleep deprived, beaten and starved?
Because it is all lies and in my diminished capacity I finally saw your light.
You will see my light, sort of like headlights to a deer. So freeze, I can see you and I am not braking until I am well past your carcass (and that is just to check that I have no body damage on my vehicle before I move on).
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline hanzomon4

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New memory
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2007, 10:14:58 PM »
::noway::

So AARColytes is this what you call not abusive? Is this what you call treatment?

I got a hummer you can barrow SLF......
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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i]Do something real, however, small. And don\'t-- don\'t diss the political things, but understand their limitations - Grace Lee Boggs[/i]
I do see the present and the future of our children as very dark. But I trust the people\'s capacity for reflection, rage, and rebellion - Oscar Olivera

Howto]

Offline SpecialLadyFriend

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Waves and waves
« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2007, 04:08:35 PM »
This motion against AARC is gaining momentum and it has come time for me to write my story. I just started and I am currently in point form mode, page after page of headings and then notes and memories related to the topic. So I am coming up with things I had thought long gone and realizing the full extent of the damages this program has caused me.
I hated the hugs. I did not like hand holding. I did not like to be touched and when I told my olcomer, it got worse.
It took 5+ years out of AARC for me to believe that public displays of affection were anything more than displays of ownership and control. Even hand holding between lovers seemed forced and nervous.
I still do not hug socially and get very uncomfortable hugging anyone other than my partner and immediate family.
I hate what this program has done to me.
I feel so far away from everyone right now. I am emotionally closed down and just going through the motions of being a human being. I feign interest in things people are talking about and even interject my opinions and experiences just to feel a sense of comradarie with the people around me.
Some days I can't write, but I still check the website regularly just to watch the number of people reading the information here. I hope this post crosses the path of someone going through the same thing and then we can both take comfort in the warmth of shared experience and the truth that there is nothing wrong with us, save for the fact that we are victims of a terrible program and are survivors.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline Anonymous

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New memory
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2007, 05:31:49 AM »
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! IT WAS THE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pure evil hugs are, fuck you up for life i guess? Perhaps you should seek professional help, not an online forum with crazy fucks like ajax on it. He can't help you with your problems. He will only make them worse.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline hanzomon4

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New memory
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2007, 06:16:17 AM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! IT WAS THE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pure evil hugs are, fuck you up for life i guess? Perhaps you should seek professional help, not an online forum with crazy fucks like ajax on it. He can't help you with your problems. He will only make them worse.


You are a pathetic human being. You come here and laugh at the pain of others, it won't be so funny forever. One day you and AARC will be outed for the things that go on and went on in AARC. Your victims won't stay quiet and suffer in silence for long.

It's sick, not your mean comments, but the fact that you show no remorse because you think no one knows about the secrets you and AARC keep hidden in the walls of that private hell.

Hahahaha

*waits*
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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i]Do something real, however, small. And don\'t-- don\'t diss the political things, but understand their limitations - Grace Lee Boggs[/i]
I do see the present and the future of our children as very dark. But I trust the people\'s capacity for reflection, rage, and rebellion - Oscar Olivera

Howto]

Offline ajax13

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New memory
« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2007, 11:47:30 AM »
Unwanted physical contact has been a hallmark of AARC, from the love-bombing hugs right up to rape.  Were you a big hugger guest?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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"AARC will go on serving youth and families as long as it will be needed, if it keeps open to God for inspiration" Dr. F. Dean Vause Executive Director


MR. NELSON: Mr. Speaker, AADAC has been involved with
assistance in developing the program of the Alberta Adolescent
Recovery Centre since its inception originally as Kids of the
Canadian West."
Alberta Hansard, March 24, 1992

Offline SpecialLadyFriend

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Lucky you
« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2007, 01:36:58 PM »
It must be nice to live in a world where you never need read any deeper than the information placed infront of you. I am glad I could bring you a laugh, sorry to end that but let me spell out the abuse here and see if you can wrap your head around it.
It doesn't matter to me if you do or don't like hugs. I was sexually abused before AARC and NOT comfortable with physical affection. I made that clear to staff. If AARC really wanted to help me heal and move forward in my life they would have shown me some respect and let me decide if I wanted to be hugged by strangers.
Let's delve deeper, shall we? If a child is allergic to milk is it theraputic to force them to drink it? NO. What if AARC decided that milk helped heal alcoholism? Still not theraputic hey? So follow my logic here, I promise I won't take you away from your nonthinkingjustfollowing safe place for much longer, if a person needs a little more space around them and forcing them to hug people is part of their treatment then tell me how that was supposed to help me? What it really did was make it even harder for me to ever trust anyone in a position of authority.
Also I noticed your problem was only with my "hugs" issues, are you admitting that the misuse of my medication is actually a form of mental abuse or did you just choose to ignore it because there is no way to make me wrong for that?
Thanks for coming out. You can return to your safety zone.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline Anonymous

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New memory
« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2007, 01:51:41 PM »
I'm trying to email you guys ajax & friend ... I seem to be missing the information I got from Rachael. I sent something by email. I can't log on here because I forgot my password... It won't send it because my account is inactive. I can't re register because the email is already registered.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline hanzomon4

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New memory
« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2007, 02:25:33 PM »
If you had an email address in your profile you could try posting your situation and username into the web hosting forum so one of the mods can send you an email with your password.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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i]Do something real, however, small. And don\'t-- don\'t diss the political things, but understand their limitations - Grace Lee Boggs[/i]
I do see the present and the future of our children as very dark. But I trust the people\'s capacity for reflection, rage, and rebellion - Oscar Olivera

Howto]

Offline Anonymous

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New memory
« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2007, 02:31:13 PM »
Thank you!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline Anne Bonney

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New memory
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2007, 06:10:28 PM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! IT WAS THE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pure evil hugs are, fuck you up for life i guess? Perhaps you should seek professional help, not an online forum with crazy fucks like ajax on it. He can't help you with your problems. He will only make them worse.



Yep, there's more of the compassion for someone who you think is a 'druggie'.  I think you have the wrong script in front of you.  This is where you're supposed to call her a druggie loser and dismiss anything she says because she's 'relapsed'.  That's what you're taught in there.  Scorn and contempt for anyone who has a differing opinion.

It usually goes one of two ways.  Either you have no boundaries and tell people way too much, too soon.  Pour your whole life out to anyone, or you shut down.  Hugs become painful.  The words "I love you" (as I wrote a few minutes ago on another thread) become polluted and bastardized. They lose their meaning.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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traight, St. Pete, early 80s
AA is a cult http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-cult.html

The more boring a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents-- because they have a tame child-creature in their house.  ~~  Frank Zappa
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