Struggling Parents Hall of Shame

[Ursus]

There is a lot to be said about doing the deed in person.  When they are faced with you at their door, in person, a parent with co-custody... it is much more difficult to stall.  You could say you happened to be in the area "on business" and wish to have a visit with your son.  Take him elsewhere, for a walk or a cup of coffee, get the low-down straight from him without them snooping around.

If he can't stand it and cites instances of abuse, just don't bring him back.  File charges when the two of you get home.  You have to do this.  Not only to prevent your son from being sent back, but also to prevent your ex-wife from filing kidnapping charges or some other bullshit.  She may well do it anyway, but those charges will have less teeth if you've already filed yours.

It may be a problem if he has been brainwashed into thinking he needs to be there.  Then you definitely have to wrangle with the courts.  But at least your son will know who to turn to when it gets unbearable.

[rayjax]

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[Anonymous]

Worst possible outcome. The judge ordered an independent evaluation to be conducted by the Mormon Utah psychologist picked by my ex-wife.

[Anonymous]

These guys have been ignoring the joint custody thing from day one. They are frauds and have years of practice at this stuff. This isn't their first time doing this kind of thing. They are acutely aware that I am hostile to their program and there is no way their staff who knows what I look like would let me any where close to my son.  If I rescue my son from this facility, he will have to disappear for 2 years until he turns 18.

[Anonymous]

No, he may have drank the koolaide, but he isn't brainwashed. He sends me signals in his letters to let me know he is lying to them.

[Rachael]

I'm recommending relocation to Canada... but then again, I recommended that for fornits too, and see how well that went

Rachael

[Anonymous]

If I rescue my son from this facility, he will have to disappear for 2 years until he turns 18.

SMALL PRICE TO PAY.

[Ursus]

I'm not really up on the legalities of this.  A lot depends on what is in that document you signed with your ex-wife.  You need to have a lawyer go over that with a fine-toothed comb.  If you can not afford good legal advice, check to see whether there is a hot-line staffed by attorneys or legal students that you can call for advice on that document.

Do you have a copy of his birth certificate?  I don't think they can legally deny you access to him if you carry appropriate identification as to who you are, and if you are armed with the birth certificate as well.  There may be things you can charge your ex-wife with, as well as the so-called boarding school, if that transpires.  Somebody else's suggestion that you arrive with friends, one of whom has a video camera, is a good one I think.  Especially helpful would be if one of those people were from local law enforcement, but being Utah, that's going to be tough.  Not impossible though, some one else might know someone who is more sympathetic to justice than they are to their local cronies.  

Also, things can get murky if she has charged or subsequently charges you with some kind of harassment or physical violence incidents.  Having others along for the visit also ensures that there are witnesses so the "school" can not make something up about what actually transpired.

I would strongly urge that you PM Deborah here on the forum, as she has a fair amount of experience in what you are up against.  She would be able to give far better advice than I can...

[BuzzKill]

If you can - get your lawyer to go with you. Or a lawyer. Might want to call up some of the journalist who have covered the story of abuse and neglect in private programs in Utah and see if they'd like to tag along.  Do take a camera. Also a recording devise. Record everything.

Naturally take your paper work, and copies, in case they (the program) insist you provide a copy.

When you get your son in your custody take him to a doctor. Get his weight recorded and get a record of any marks or bruses to his body.

A camera can be useful with this as you can photograph all this on the spot in the hotel room - but be sure to have his face in the photos - and something to prove the date - like a newspaper.

Back to the doctor visit - have him checked for narcotics and sedatives that might have been given to him by the staff. Many of these drugs have a short half life so if they are in his system when you pull him it would indicate he was given them while in the program. This would of course be illegal if not prescribed by a doctor - but apparently it is a common enough event.

Have him write up a statement as soon as he feels up to it. Tell him not to be afraid to tell the truth, that you will believe him. Still, there may be things he won't want to tell his dad. The doctor visit might help with this too - and a private conversation with an attorney might be a good idea. If this is a WWASP program - please consider writting me privately.

Good luck.

[Oz girl]

Where is the wider family in all this? Is it at all possible for you to get one of your wives siblings to talk some sense into her while you are retrieving the kid? or a Grandparent? What about your side of the family? are they a possible source of assistance?

[Anonymous]

The ex-wife doesn't have any contact with any of her family. At this point, it appears her only friends are people who work for her. I have heard that she has fired everyone in her office recently, so it appears that no one currently working for her has been there for more than a year. I would be very surprised if any of her employee/friends would be willing to talk to her about this.

[Ursus]

Any chance you can get any members of her family on board with you?  That might go a long way as far establishing your credibility over hers... Keep your relationship with her minimized.  Focus on what's best for your son.

[Deborah]

These guys have been ignoring the joint custody thing from day one. They are frauds and have years of practice at this stuff. This isn't their first time doing this kind of thing. They are acutely aware that I am hostile to their program and there is no way their staff who knows what I look like would let me any where close to my son.  If I rescue my son from this facility, he will have to disappear for 2 years until he turns 18.

Why? What does the decree state?
BTW, I've been there. And in hindsight, I would've done things very differently. Be pro active rather than finding yourself on the defensive. If you aren't then the program is likely to testify on your ex's account and use their "professional" opinion to sway the judge. You'll end up with a judgement that your kid will stay and the lost visitation will be made up post program.
Court ordered rights (if you have them) supercede any program policy. You are well within your rights to show up anytime the order specifies and demand his release. File a motion with the court, then go get him. Take a local cop with you if you anticipate problems. There's the risk that they may be in cahoots with the program, but they are sanctioned with upholding the law.
Your argument would be that you consider the placement to be unnecessarily restrictive and in violation of your rights without just cause. You want the kid home so you can have an independent (not the program's) evaluation to prove this.

[Joyce Harris]

To this father:
Our daughter was at Whitmore Academy in Utah.
We requested a police escort to accompany us when we removed our daughter from Whitmore Academy.
Another parent/father contacted me here on fornits. He had "joint custody of his son" who had been placed at Whitmore Academy by his ex-wife without his permission or knowledge.  He finally took his custody papers to the Nephi Police Department, requested a police escort, and went to Whitmore Academy and removed his son, and left with him. "Custody" issues were resolved later, after the son was removed from this facility.
Utah officials will honor legal custody documents. You should have the legal right to remove your son from a facility.
What Utah officials have you contacted? Have you called the Utah Office of Licensing,? The Attorney Generals Office?  The State Attorney? The Local Police?

[Anonymous]

I screwed up and tried to do the court motion first. I should have removed my son and then filed the motion. If only I had known then what I know how. Now the judge has ordered the program to be 'independently' evaluated by a Utah psychologist selected by my ex-wife. My opportunity for removing my son from the program is past and he is screwed.