Of couse they are true....What word should I use, dear? Biographies?
I have been in many egp's. The most "famous" was Desisto. I know how Cedu works in a basic sense. I know that it brainwashes you somehow. But I dont know how...
I would like to understand how Cedu worked by hearing the biography of your time in the place with any info you are not comfortable sharing editied out.
I dont need to hear just about the early 90s either becasue though im sure they changed a bit through-out the ages, with the exception of the time it was under public scrutiny, i am sure it stayed basically the same.
I was at desisto the beginning of the millenium and overall it was the same as at it's inception.
My freind was kidnapped.
How did you arrive?
What happened next?
Where you allowed to speak?
How long did group go on?
Where you "forced" to confess to being addicts etc?
What was the overall strycture of Cedu?
etc
okay, but remember, you asked for it.
I posted this in parts in the lingo thread in this forum, but due to the fact that I am far too lazy to find it, when I can just simply gank it from my livejournal, I'm reposting it here.
Most of my own answers to the questions are similar to dishduty's, right down to the parental trickery, so there really isn't any point in me repeating it, IMO, but I will be more than happy to speak to the overall structure of CEDU and its brainwashing methodologies. (For the record, I was at RMA from 87-89)
One of the best ways to demystify a cult is to study its lingo: the insular language used, that came off as mysterious and incomprehensible to outsiders. This is by design, as I am sure you know, Lee. So, what follows is a list of CEDU lingo that was in play while I was there, with the exception of the term jumpsuit. I find that language, or, more accurately, a restriction of it, such as newspeak, speaks volumes about a culture or an environment, especially if that environment is one which is isolated.
"
Propheet": a 24 hour workshop. Named after Khalil Ghbiran's "The Prophet". Passages from the prophet are read at one point in each propheet. When I was there, there were 7 propheets and two workshops. The propheets employed sleep-deprivation, humiliation, occasional exposure to large variations in temperature, guided imagery, loud and repetitive music, regression therapy, bizarre ritual, forced emoting. This normally resulted in a feeling of euphoria and exhaustion after the experience. Certain propheets actually caused students to temporarily lose their voice. Each propheet, with the exception of the last one, also consisted of "
disclosures"and a lengthy "
rap" (see below) where everyone in the room was spoken to. After you complete a propheet, you are sworn to secrecy, however, you are allowed to speak to students who have already been through the experience. The list of propheets are The Truth, The Childrens, The Brothers Keeper, The Dreams, The I Want to Live, The Values and The Imagine. The two, multi-day workshops, are the I & Me and the Summit. They employ similar techniques, but are significantly worse and more bizarre.
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Ice breaker" A propheet exercise, done in the beginning, that is normally funny, or tries to be, but most often employs some level of humiliation. It is used to lull the students into a feeling of security and ease their nerves before the more intense exercises.
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Rap": a group session, often confrontational and verbally abusive. Based on Synanon's "The game". Were held three days a week, and lasted around four hours.
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Rap request": When a student or a staff requests another student to be in a rap with them. Requests would be made by writing your name and writing the name of the person you are requesting on a piece of paper, and put in a wooden box. The requests were normally for screaming and yelling at another person, but could also occasionally be used to request support.
"
Indict" or "
Indictment": When a staff or student confronts another student in a rap. Most often, this is done through browbeating, screaming, and abusive and embarrassing dialogue. This is normally because the student being indicted did something to piss the other person off, or because they are considered to be "not growing", "out of agreement", or any other number of reasons or non-reasons. Occasionally, an indictment will be civil and kept at a decent volume. When a student is "indicted", the person indicting them must sit across from them, since it was considered too intimidating to have a person sitting right next to you scream in your face. If a student was sitting in the wrong position and wanted to talk to the student being yelled at, they were required to get up and trade chairs with someone across the room from that person. There were several times during my stay that I literally emptied out the entire side of a room, with people fighting for chairs across from me, wanting to take part in the indictment. Normally, this took place during peer group raps. It makes me laugh to think about. You could also "indict" yourself in a rap, by saying "
I need to talk". Self-indictments were known as
"creating space". Sometimes, instead of saying "I need to talk", a student would say "I need space."
"blown away": Being screamed at in a rap.
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Agreements": rules
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Out of agreement": you had broken one of the rules. Also known as "
dirty". The things that you did that were against the rules were known as "
dirt."
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Copping out" or "
Disclosing" meant that you told someone the rules that you broke. Required. Disclosing could also mean "copping" to things that you had done in the past that you felt ashamed of, negative thoughts, or complete and utter fabrications because you were under pressure from faculty to come up with more "dirt". As a student progressed through the school, many of them came up with increasingly elaborate and extreme "disclosures", which involved things such as bestiality, prostitution, and acts of extreme violence.
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Dirt list" was a list of rules that you broke, which you write yourself. Required before propheets and workshops, on "full-times" (see below), and any other time the staff felt you were "dirty".
When a student attempted to enforce the school rules ("agreements") with another student, it was referred to as "
pulling them up." If a student sees another student out of agreement and does not "pull them up", then they themselves become "dirty".
When I first got there, I forgot what the term was and accidentally called it "pulling you down".
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Families" was the phased system of progress through the school. The higher you got, the more privileges you were permitted, such as no longer having to have your mail or phone calls monitored. You graduated after you completed your last family. There were six families when I was there. Voyageurs and Discovery, which were the lower school, Quest and Challenge, which were the middle school, and New Horizons and Summit, which was the upper school. You were required to apply to summit, and make a summit portfolio. They announced your ascension in front of the student body.
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Peer group" the group of students you go through all the propheets, workshops and wilderness expeditions with. Your graduating class. Students were often "
dropped" (demoted) peer groups if they were believed not to be progressing.
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Big brother/sister... little brother/sister" Self-explanatory. Older students taking younger ones under their wing. As an older student, you could have official (i.e. assigned or requested) and unofficial younger siblings.
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House around the pit" Students were required to assemble around the fireplace, for announcements, and the calling out of who would be attending what rap.
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Bans" meant that there was a specific student, or a group of students (normally from a family on down) that you could not speak with. (You were "on bans" from them.) This also meant that you could not have any eye contact, or engage in any other means of communication, such as passing notes. If there are a group of students which were having a conversation, and you were on bans from one of the students within that conversation, you could not be allowed to participate in that discussion, even if you don't speak directly with the person you are on bans from.
The forced, no-boundaries, and often inappropriate affection was known as "
smooshing". Yet another instance where, as a younger student, I accidentally called it by the wrong name, and said it was "smashing."
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Where are you at?" was a common question, referring to how you are feeling. Although that term is common in regular culture now, back then I didn't even know what it meant. When I was asked it in a rap for the first time, I said "What do you mean? I'm in a chair in a room in Idaho."
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Run your anger" was forced, cathartic, screaming and crying, similar to primal scream. Normally forced upon the student by staff and other students by yelling at the target and breaking them down until they were totally frustrated. The screaming would normally be misdirected towards a past experience, or at "negative thinking". Often involved a lot of snot, mucus, and occasionally, vomiting. Also known as "
running your shit."
"
That's right" was a common term of encouragement uttered by faculty in raps, to spur on people who were "running their anger". I once had a joke that said "How many rap facilitators does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three, one to screw it in, one to support, and one to scream 'That's right!'" Facilitators would also bark at a student to "
say that again" when they wanted a student who was "running their anger" to repeat something.
Keeping your space "
tight" was specific to RMA. It meant to keep it clean. I believe the equivalent term at CEDU was "
plumb and square."
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Going slow" meant, well, I guess it meant that you were in such a vulnerable space that you were totally calm and super sensitive to intense stimulii. It happened a lot after the euphoria wore off after a propheet. It was looked upon positively.
"
Going fast" meant the opposite. And was looked upon negatively.
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Safe" or "
safety" meant the opposite of what it really means. It was an illusion at the school. But staff and students continuously wanted to enforce the idea of "
keeping a safe space" so people felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable and disclose embarrassing information about themselves, or "run their anger" without fear of ridicule.
"
Resistance" meant that you weren't allowing yourself to succumb to the program. The staff at the school would say all too often that they needed to "
break down your resistance."
"
In your thinking" or "
In your head" meant that you were actually having rational thoughts and thinking for yourself, instead of crying your eyes out, screaming, or puking. This was often an accusation towards an "indicted" individual who spoke in a normal tone of voice in raps. This term is the one I find to be the most transparent and obvious in terms of reflecting the true agenda of the school. Your thinking was literally bad. You shouldn't think. Only after the I & Me, do they mention, briefly, that I (thinking) and Me (feeling) should work together. However, it was emphasized that "Me" should be the one in charge. I think a current parody of this mentality, although not directed at CEDU, is Stephen Colbert's concept "truthiness". "I don't care about the facts, I just go with what's in my gut."
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In your shit": in a negative emotional mental state. (I think.) Or it might mean more like, you're in a negative state that is consistent with your behavior before you came to CEDU. Kind of like wallowing in your past. I'm kind of iffy on this one.
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Image": This referred to how you represented yourself before you came to CEDU. It implied that you were sporting a false and contrived persona, akin to a stereotype, that was contrary to who you truly were as a person. What CEDU neglected to mention, however, was that it perpetuated it's own "image" onto students: conformity under the guise of individuality. "You're an individual, just like everyone else." Images were, a lot of times, assigned to you by the staff. i.e. a staff member would accuse you of being a slut, or a druggie, or a junkie. I was once accused of having "junkie thinking" because I bought some pants on a home visit that were kind of loud. I remember wondering what loud pants had to do with being a junkie. The pants were even temporarily confiscated, which cracks me the fuck up. Watch out for them junkie pants. (Speaking as someone who has spent a considerable amount of time around junkies when I lived on 16th and Capp, I can safely say that the junkie population, as a whole, does not regularly shop at the Limited Express.)
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Cutting up the streets" meant that you were discussing places in your hometown with another student who also lived there. It was strictly forbidden.
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Unacceptable" referred to musicians or bands that were not permitted to be mentioned at the school. Obviously, the music could also not be played, you could not sing it, and you could not listen to them on a home visit. What was deemed acceptable and unacceptable changed over the course of CEDU. Some bands that were unacceptable when I was there later were actually used in propheets and played as house music.
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Fiending out" meant that you were getting overly excited about unacceptable music, whether it be singing it, or hearing it somewhere and getting hyper about it.. Also forbidden.
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Popping off" meant that you accidentally starting singing a song by an unacceptable band. Not too big a deal, since it was considered accidental, but still "dirt".
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Badrapping" meant that you were speaking badly about another student or staff behind their back. Also against the rules, and considered "dirt".
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Sex contract" meant that you and another student were planning on having sex. Severely against the rules.
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Splitting": running away.
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Split contract": planning on running away with another student.
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Work detail" meant that you were being punished, and you worked on your own on a particular project, such as digging up stumps, landscaping, building walls, etc. People on work details were on bans from the entire student body while working, and were not allowed a watch.
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Work crews" The assigned jobs that each family participated in. Work was done in the mornings on rap days, and all day (plus phys ed) on non rap days. Each family had a different job. Voyageurs were at the wood corral, Discovery did forestry, Quest was the farm, Challenge was either the woodshop or the kitchen, and by the time I had reached New Horizons and Summit, we actually had an academic building, and could attend classes. Work crews also applied to saturday cleaning crews.
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First light" The meeting of the students in one particular family, before going to work or class for the day.
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Last light" The final meeting of the entire school, before going to bed. Normally consisted of a particular student being assigned to read or talk to the rest of the student body.
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Sharing". Pretty much how it sounds. A student stands up and talks about themselves, often directed at anther student they like and want to offer support to. They could also simply talk about themselves.
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Experientials" Our phys ed credit. Normally consisted of some sort of team-building exercise, or the ropes course.
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Warm up" An event involving the entire student body. Happened before a peer group went into a propheet or workshop. Normally involved guided imagery and loud, cheesy music. Often, many students cry. It culminates with other students "sharing" with the ones who are about to go into the propheet.
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Dyads" A propheet/workshop exercise where two students face each other in chairs, and engage each other, while being coached by the staff. Normally involves a lot of screaming, repetitive chanting/shouting (Such as "Mommy made me ____ . Daddy made me ______.") and regression.
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Projecting" meant that you were accusing someone else of a behavior, when in reality, you were the one guilty of that behavior. Also a common term in psychology. I think it also meant when you would pretend that the person across from you is someone that you hated in your past, or a negative representation of yourself, and you would then scream at them as if they were one of those people.
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Bioenergetics" A term referring to specific kinds of exercises in propheets and workshops that resulted in physical and emotional exertion, and possible physical injury. Normally consisted of a repetitious act, such as pounding a pillow, or running in place, and accompanied by emotional explosion.
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Containment" An exercise used in the Values propheet. A student lays on their back, and is directed through a guided imagery experience, via a staff member whispering in their ear. Often very emotional and upsetting. After the experience, the student normally feels an intense connection with that staff member. (See:
Stockholm Syndrome)
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Beat sheet": Normally the standard issue wool blanket, thumbtacked up around your bunk bed to give you privacy while you masturbate.
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Bingo": a communal masturbatory game that the boys did. Each student beat off in their beds. The first one to cum shouted "bingo", and essentially "won". Variation of the circle jerk.
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Trust counseling" Students could not participate in this until after their I & Me workshop. Two members of the same peer group would set up an appointment for the counseling session, and meet in a room or dormitory when no one is there. The format is like a "dyad", although it can also involve bioenergetics, and often does. The students often write in their journals or notebooks afterwards about the experience.
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Full-time" was a method of punishment for more severe infractions against the rules. Such as running away, having sex, or a sex contract, self-inflicted injuries, such as carving (common with girls). A student was to remain isolated at a booth in the dining room for x amount of days (mine was 14, which was a lot, back in my day. The lengths of time increased dramatically after I left). While there, they were supposed to be completing writing assignments in their notebook, as well as complete a reading assignment given to them by the staff that ran their full time. During the day, they were on a work detail. Normally it was a very long project that would last the entirety of their full time, and the student could not complete the full-time until they completed that project.. (I had to build a rock wall.) On non-rap days, they worked all day, on rap days, they worked half a day and then were in a rap. A full-time student would be on bans from most of the school, with the exception of upper school students. The only times they could speak with others was in raps. They could not leave their booth unless escorted by a staff or student. They were not allowed to smile, laugh, sing or hug. If you smoked, you were limited to four cigarettes per day. Your watch was also taken away for the duration of the full time. Staff and older students would occasionally sit down with the student and talk with them about their progress. Often, when a student got on a full-time, they would also have to move dorms. Once you were taken off of a full time, you were relieved, and sometimes felt that you had "learned something about yourself." My full-time, which happened when I was in Voyageurs, was the final straw that "broke" me and made me a full-blown programmie.
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Booth" a variation of a full-time. Not as severe. I'm not sure about all of the differences, since I was never on one.
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Living Room" another restriction. A student is placed on bans from others and is forced to remain in the living room and write in their notebook.
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Jumpsuit" A form of punishment where a student is forced to wear a jumpsuit while on work detail. Did not exist when I was there, so a little fuzzy on the details.
There is a variation of the full time, where a student stays outside in a tent when not on work detail or in a rap. Meals are brought to them. They are not permitted to live in the dorms. I am currently looking for more information on whether there was a specific name for this, and what the punishment entailed.
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Direction": Sort of like a goal, set either by staff or the student themselves. Such as "My direction is to spend more time with my little brothers or sisters." or "My direction is to make more rap requests." or, in my case "My direction is to be more feminine." (See how well that worked?)
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The floor": Literally, the floor of the main house at RMA. Students would often be sitting on it, playing cards, or "smooshing". A common phrase was "I'm going to go spend some time on the floor with people."
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The house": The main lodge at RMA. This building contained the dining room, the "floor", fireplace area, phone rooms, nurse's station. The main area for socializing when not working or in raps.
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Your story": Your life story. Students were often encouraged to tell a friend their "story".
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Moving up": graduating from one family into the next.
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Doing the loop": I did this a lot. The only thing worse than being alone at RMA was being
seen alone at RMA. As a result, some kids would literally "do the loop" around the house. Walk through the floor area, hide out in the bathroom, then to the mudroom, then to the classrooms, to the smoking deck, and back to the floor. Normally, in my case, I would pretend to be looking for someone. It basically meant that you had no one at the moment to hang out with, and didn't want to be caught hanging out by yourself, so you kept moving.
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Needsy": A more esoteric term, and as a result, a bit more difficult to explain. It basically meant someone who has ulterior motives for speaking to you in a rap. Normally this revolved around the person having resentment towards the target, and indicting them, not out of concern for their well-being or development, but because they simply wanted to say nasty things to you and make you squirm. Ironically, almost everything that was said to someone in a rap could fit into this category. It's just that some people were more obvious about it than others, and they were the ones who got busted or confronted on it. Also referred to as "
getting your needs out" on someone.
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Side conversation": A conversation you are having with someone in a rap, while the rest of the members are focused on someone else. Literally, having a conversation "on the side". Forbidden.
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Let's move on": Spoken by rap facilitators, when they wanted to shift the focus from one student to another. Probably one of the most frightening things to hear in a rap, if you had not yet been indicted.
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Taking care of your feelings": Doing what you believe is expected of you in a rap. Understood as a need to "run your anger" or cry. Indoctrinated students believed this to be a necessity for their mental well-being. There was a common fear that if a student went too long without doing this, something bad would happen.
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Game": Not to be confused with synanon's "the game". "Game" was when a student was believed to be acting in a dishonest manner. "You have so many games." or "You're playing a game." or "I can spot your game from a mile away."
There was also an exercise in the Imagine propheet known as "the game". I have no idea if there are any similarities to the Synanon version. The staff basically say "Who has something to say?" and let us go at it until we run out of gas, then they reiterate the question, which sparks an entirely new argument. For the most part, the faculty stayed out of it, watched us fight like dogs and were amused. It was stupid. Not nearly as bad as a rap.
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Option": The alternate facility that your parents were planning on sending you to. Faculty would often hang someone's "option" over a student's head and remind them of it, to scare them into wanting to stay at CEDU. I have no idea whether my "option" was something the staff simply told me, or if it was truly something my parents had considered.
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cap": To insult someone, mostly by calling them names. i.e. "capping on" them. Making fun of them. Frowned upon. The rules and standards for this seemed rather arbitrary, since it was perfectly ok to say very demeaning shit to someone in a rap. For instance, you could not call someone an asshole, but it was perfectly legitimate to say they were acting like one. The linguistic origin of the word, according to CEDU was that when you insult someone, you "put a cap" on their feelings.
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hard": being tough.
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soft": being vulnerable and sensitive.
Note that "hard" was always considered an "act", wheras "soft" was considered being authentic. Kids who had a tough sensibility about them were constantly given "direction" to be "soft". The goal of the school was to make everyone "soft", essentially.
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look good": a kid who is believed to be following the rules without sincerity. A non-programmie who tries to look like a real one.
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get a feel good": Essentially, copping a feel when "smooshing". Does not necessarily have to manifest itself in any overt physical action. It could simply be that someone is suspected of enjoying the intimacy for sexual gratification. Predictably, staff were mostly exempt from this scrutiny.
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Lugs": Part of the ice breaker in the Brother's Keeper propheet. A student is required to come up with a short performance that makes fun of themselves, and act it out for the entire peer group. This is done repeatedly, since every time a new member of the peer group comes up with and performs their "lug", all of the previous students who have already come up with theirs have to do it again. (Kind of the same structure as the "12 days of Christmas" song.) I
believe, and I could be wrong on this, my memory is fuzzy, that it could also mean a staff member mimicking a student in an embarrassing manner. It essentially meant making fun of your behavior, or having someone else make fun of it.
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News and Goods": A list of things that are going on with you that are positive. Students were required to start their presentation by saying "here is what is new and good in my life."
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scum": Humiliating things you feel bad about. Students were often required to "cop" to their "scum" in raps. Different than "dirt" in that it wasn't necessarily something that was against the rules. I don't remember a whole lot about this term, I just recall seeing it mentioned repeatedly in my full-time notebook.
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flags": means pretty much the same in the real world that it did in there, albeit the criteria was far different. A warning sign. A student demonstrating unacceptable behavior was often told that "their flags were flying", and that it was indicative that something more sinister was going on with them. On full-times, students were sometimes given a writing assignment to list their "flags".
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stretch": Dual meaning. 1. Doing something that is difficult for you, or that makes you uncomfortable. 2. Part of the Summit workshop. (The costume party.) Students are assigned characters that they have to dress up as. Each character is expected to do specific things and behave in a certain way. The actions were normally a combination of doing something that was contrary to your (already heavily compromised) personae, in addition to a "lug". However, instead of calling these assignments "characters", they were called "stretches". Students were required to fashion their own costumes within a specific amount of time, and then participate in a "party" where everyone goes around and acts out their "stretch" repeatedly. Later, students were then required to perform their "stretch" solo, in front of the peer group, until they got it "right" and the staff were satisfied with their performance.
I believe the stretches exercise was the one thing that Wasserman didn't borrow from Lifespring, and came up with on his own. (Which was why the summit had 6 days and Lifespring only had 5.)
