Author Topic: Family Contracts  (Read 4879 times)

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Offline Fire Swamp

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Family Contracts
« Reply #30 on: September 02, 2007, 11:38:42 PM »
I'm hot
And when I'm not
I'm cold as ice
Get out of my way
Just step aside
Or pay the price

What I want I take
What I don't I break
And I don't want you
With a flick of my knife
I can change your life
There's nothing you can do

I'm a problem child
I'm a problem child, yes I am
I'm a problem child
And I'm wild

Make my stand
No man's land
On my own
Man in blue
It's up to you
The seed is sown

What I want I stash
What I don't I smash
And you're on my list
Dead or alive got a .45
And I never miss

I'm a problem child, ey
I'm a problem child, yow
I'm a problem child
Just runnin' wild, ha ha

Just watch your step

Every night
Street light
I drink my booze
Some run
Some fight
But I win, they lose
What I need I like
What I don't I fight
And I don't like you
So say bye-bye
While you're still alive
Your time is through!

'Cause I'm a problem child, yow
I'm a problem child
I'm a problem child
I'm a problem chi-ih-ih-ild
Problem child
I'm a problem child
And my mother hates me
I'm a problem child, oh yeah
I'm a problem child, hey yeah...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Che Gookin

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« Reply #31 on: September 03, 2007, 07:24:04 AM »
Quote from: ""Oz girl""
Quote from: ""Anne Bonney""
Kids do not need contracts  IMO.  One of the biggest complaints I had about my father while I was growing up was that he dealt with me in a very business like way.  It sucked.  Kids don't need someone to 'control' them, they need someone to guide them.  They need parents who are willing to let them have a mind of their own.  Parents who, while setting limits and doling out consequences, make sure that communication remains open ensure natural involvement in their kids' lives, not forced intrusion.

I think that there is something in this idea. With all this talk of Contracts etc it does seem to make family sound like some kind of management consultancy company. it reminds me of all the self help books that make running a family sound like a company mission statement.

 But I can see on the other hand the use of a contract. Particularly if the kid is a real handful. The problem is that these programs bastardise them to create something creepy and ruthless. if the family sits down together and the "consequences" for rule breaking are mutually agreed upon and reasonably proportional I would think it could be an avenue worth trying.


So what consquences are in place for parental rule breaking? I'm more opposed to most contracts even if they are done for a good reason. Sitting down and working out a mutually agreeable system of living with each other makes good sense, but by no means is that binding, and certainly shouldn't be treated as if its a business merger.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Oz girl

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« Reply #32 on: September 03, 2007, 07:57:00 AM »
and certainly shouldn't be treated as if its a business merger.

Absolutely. it should not be a business merger. This is why i can agree to an extent with Anne Bonnie's concerns. To my mind though it can also be a way to calm a kid who is rebelling because there is some ownership if they have a place at the table so to speak.
it seems reasonable to sit down with a kid and say for example negotiate a cerfew. If they are late then the next time they go out they have to be home earlier say 1/2 an hr late means 1/2 an hour earlier nxt time.
I did not grow up in a world with family contracts as such but i do remember that when I began driving it was clear that if i drank and got behind the wheel the car would be sold. On my parents end it was agreed that I could call regardless of the time for a lift, that I had access to their cab charge card or i could stay at my sister's house. They would also render the same level of assistance to any friend or aquintance. But drink driving was the only deal breaker. i guess you could call it a contract but never once did i drink or take any substance and get behind the wheel. So if the rules are few and the deal breakers clear and rare i can see the merit in a contract
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
n case you\'re worried about what\'s going to become of the younger generation, it\'s going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.-Roger Allen

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #33 on: September 03, 2007, 11:50:51 AM »
You have got to be kidding parents make the rules not the teens. That is why we have so many fucked up teens from parents not enforcing rules and boundaries from the time they were young
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #34 on: September 03, 2007, 11:51:05 AM »
You have got to be kidding parents make the rules not the teens. That is why we have so many fucked up teens from parents not enforcing rules and boundaries from the time they were young
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #35 on: September 03, 2007, 11:51:25 AM »
You have got to be kidding parents make the rules not the teens. That is why we have so many fucked up teens from parents not enforcing rules and boundaries from the time they were young
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #36 on: September 03, 2007, 11:51:44 AM »
You have got to be kidding parents make the rules not the teens. That is why we have so many fucked up teens from parents not enforcing rules and boundaries from the time they were young
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #37 on: September 03, 2007, 11:56:14 AM »
Kids don't deserve no goddamn rights, cuz they ain't no better than a bunch of fuckin NIGGERS! If mine ever try to "assert their rights" I'm gonna drag 'em out to the woodshed and tear up their uppity little asses!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #38 on: September 03, 2007, 02:07:39 PM »
abusing a child is never okay and they do deserve rights. I don't agree that they get an equal say in making the rules. Input yes but not equal say
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #39 on: September 03, 2007, 04:55:39 PM »
They do in my house Guest, all the decisions are made by us together, usually at dinner ... if they don't like my way or I don't like theirs, we agree to a compromise, there's always one there, it just takes a little effort in finding one

If I made al the decisions, they'd never learn decision making, they'd never learn that their opinion is importnat, and mostly, they live here too, so why shouldnt they have a say in what goes on?

When it comes to tough decision stuff that i really want to take control of...erm, an example, crap, let me think....ok let's go really extreme, one says 'I want to take drugs at my leisure in the house' thats tough to compromise with, cos it's absolutely NO! So rather than say no, I'd probably say something along the lines of..'well I promise not to do drugs in the house if you don't'  :lol:

Sometimes they give me the strangest looks, but it works at the end of the day so who cares?

Exhausted, too lazy to log in
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline 3xsaSeedling

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« Reply #40 on: September 05, 2007, 02:31:24 PM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
You have got to be kidding parents make the rules not the teens. That is why we have so many fucked up teens from parents not enforcing rules and boundaries from the time they were young

Although I agree with this view, I must defend my right to raise my child in my own way.  
I've made lots of bad choices in the name of 'what's best for them', along w/some great ones.

And of course they participate!!  Takes alot of nerve committing them to SOME THINGS without their knowledge and consent.  
Did you enter 'your program' with previous consent and knowledge?  Not me and I was 16.

Anne:  I can relate somewhat w/dad issue.  My father was a real estate attorney and made a very nice living.  (I suspect  his acquaintance w/Judge Stephen Pepe was what got me in theSeed to begin with.)  He always did business from home and that 'business-like' atmosphere came w/being his daughter.  He used to take me on day-trips w/him to look@properties (hours@a time in the car together) but when there were 'issues' about the house or kids or...MOM always handled it.

Turns out, I'm a single mom w/a developementally disabled son.
Even that's old.  He's 24 now.  He has ADHDw/PPASPBS.
AttentionDefecitHyperactivityDisorderWITHPervasivePerception&AspbergersSyndrome  :o
We call it dense. ::both::
Some of the most satisfying, productive, educational things we have shared were a result of some contract.  Be it a long-term accomplishment or some type of reward.
He even put up w/2years in a SpecialEd. facility.  I FLAT REFUSED to make him a resident.  I freaked and since then, everyone acts like  I'm WACKO!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Of all the things I\'ve ever lost, I miss my mind the most.
Wait...I found \'IT\'!!    
oh joy

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