1)What was your first reaction when you were informed you were going to Elan?
2)Did you have any part of that decision making process?
3)Did you or your parents tour the school prior to your admission?
4)What was your first impression upon arrival?
I arrived at Elan February of "91" and left September of "93".
I was 14 walking in and 50 walking out. If you catch my drift. I had a few grey hairs. The hairdresser found them when I got my hair cut and dyed a few days after arriving home. She made a joke about me being like the girl in "Nightmare on Elm Street", Nancy, that got grey hairs after fighting off Freddy Krueger. I said "You don't know how close to the truth that is honey" and we all laughed only my dad and I were laughing a bittersweet laugh. The entire ride home I filled him in on the "Elan" experience. My God I have a ton of things that happened to me that I am bursting at the seems to share but I will refrain and stick to the topic at hand. Being able to type fast has it disadvantages too
I had been a ward of the state of Ct. for a little less than 1 year at this point. I landed back at my dad's house and he was preparing to enroll me in the local high school when we got a call from my "DCF" worker. (Department of children and family services) and she said that she found a "GREAT" place for me to go to in Maine. I asked a zillion questions about it and she could not answer them all. THAT alone should of been a warning bell to me but I was 14 at the time and my dad was in the room but was cooking and keeping one ear open on my conversation. I asked her if it was like the "Hyde School" because I had a friend that went there and it was supposed to be "OK". She said it was NOT "Hyde" but just as good and it was a boarding school for kids with problems like me and they were nice and would support me and help me. I agreed, excited to go to a boarding school in Maine. I assumed like my dad that it was an actual boarding school with a therapeutic twist to it. I assumed like my dad that I would do the school thing and maybe a few one on one sessions, a few group therapy sessions,get to see a psychiatrist about my depression and maybe get on meds for it, have free time, go skiing, go out and about the town on the weekends, Etc. He was excited that I was getting a great oppurtunity to be in a school that would focus on my learning on an individual basis and that I would be near Portland Maine so I would get to soak up the local culture and see the cool stuff Maine has to offer a young person.
A few days later after my dad took me shopping for clothes and supplies I was packed and ready to go and we met the lady with her driver and they handed my dad some papers and a brochure of Elan and put me in the car and off we went on the long journey from Ct. to Me.
My dad never saw the place in person until about 2 years later. I was there about 32 month altogether.
Upon arriving I wanted to stay with my stuff I brought my radio and sketch books and the Snoopy bank I had for years. They made me leave and said I would get my stuff later on. I believed them. I had my sketch books taken, my radio, my arts and crafts stuff taken away, my books and magazines, my clothes that they deemed "innapropiate" I was into dark colors and long skirts and long sleeves I was into that dark phase a lot of adolescents got into. All my stuff was ripped apart and I ended up with less than 1/2 of what I came in with.
I was taken into Elan 3, I was overwhelmed! People were screaming "Knock" "Headcounts" "Expeditor" "Who's out there", Etc.
I met my "Big Sis" Mindy Grey not to be confused with Mandy Grey. I met a kid named James Clark that I thought was Mindy's BF cuz he obviously liked her. A blind person could see that.
I asked her if they were an item and she got so upset and was like " NO, Don't EVER say that type of thing out loud again"!
I had the whipped puppy dog thing going on and began to wonder what I had gotten myself into...
Where was the nice boarding school campus I was promised? Where was the snow? Where were the cute skiier/snowboarder dudes? The cool chicks I would giggle with late into the night and share makeup tips with?
I was starting to freak out big time! I was actually having a "Panic Attack" years before they were the "IN" thing. LOL.. I could of used some "Xanax" right about then!
I was taken into a dorm and it was a dank, mildew-y, smelly, ugly, dark, damp, room with bunk beds everywhere! I was asked to undress and get into the shower and I "Kwelled" and got dressed only to be told I could not wear this or that or this or that. I said "Jesus, what am I supposed to wear a sheet"?!
Back up at the house I met a few more people and was told to sit down and I was wondering why all the chairs were set up a certain way and I was wondering if the boy upfront was going to put on a performance for us and before I knew it here came Marc and Jeffrey and Linda Roy and they were a screaming and a hollerin and swearing at this young boy and people ran up to him to scream in his face and I started BAWLING. I mean I was crying like I have never cried. I freaked the fuck out! I was screaming get me out of here, this place is nuts, you people are nuts, why are you all trying to kill that boy, If anyone screams at me like that I WILL spit on them back, God help me, God help you, Etc..
I was in "Communications" running around like a trapped rat I was so far from my dad's house and it was awful and there were no phones or nice dorm rooms with homey decorations
and pictures of peoples friends and pets hanging up, there was no campus like atmosphere, there was no skiing and there were no kind people tripping all over themselves to help me and the other kids.
I wondered this, if the kids screamed at each other like that and went on a system of "ratting" on one another, and the staff encouraged it then who was there to protect us from one another? Kids ruling kids? Fucked up kids ruling other fucked up kids?
This reminded me of a movie I saw and a book I read about a group of boarding school kids that get stranded and they revert to a primitive state of being. "Lord of the Flies"?
We were all alone and it was obviously a survival of the fittest thing and I knew I was so weak (at THAT moment) and too sensitive to "kill" so I allowed myself to be killed...For a little while that is.....TBC....
