Is there ANY program that is genuinely therapeutic?

[Act UP]

I understand the worst thing I can do is INSIST that he stay at school. In reality we are willing to accept this poor excuse of RTS for lack of something better and that includes HOME.

I love my son, he is a great guy and I have every bit of faith and hope that he will get through this period - inspite of mediocre schools, the abuse he experienced in the public schools system, the mental health system, society's bias, etc.

Being at the school and having some structure where he does interact with others is better than him sitting on his ass, doing nothing, obsessing, isolated, and spiraling.

We have seen the other side and will do what ever it takes to keep him from that pit again. I know there are no guarantees regardless of anyone's best efforts.  

Thanks for your feedback... and beer at this hour? What is the chaser?

[HLA Truth]

I understand your need to feel like you have tried everything, especially with him getting closer to 18.  It is scary.  It sounds like you have done a lot to help him already and it is probably irresponsible for those on this site, myself included, to tell you what to do having never met your son.  Speaking in general terms I will say that programs can do a lot of good, but my experience has been that the further a child gets from the 14/15 year old range, the less effective programs become for a child.  Again, this is a generalization.  My advice would be to talk with your therapist (maybe a few therapists) about whether or not your child needs a program.  It may be that a program is the right choice for your child, but it could also be that you have done everything that is likely to help and you have come to the point that you have to let go and let him make his own decisions.  Again, get advice from your local therapist before taking advice from anyone on this board, including myself.

You can feel free to pm me with any specific questions you have.

You still work at HLA don't you?

Nope.

[Dew]

The answer is YES you can find a therapeutic boarding school for your son.  This is coming from another parent who was able to find such place for my deeply troubled child and she is a graduate and doing wonderfully.

There are too many people on this forum without first hand experience as a parent. Many are still deeply troubled chidden and young adults unable to move on with their life.  I would not take their council since it is clouded by their overly strong opinions against any out side the home placement (which sounds unrealistic to keep your son home).

 Watch who is responding to you, they are from a place that has no experience with parenting and they have never felt the deep loving obligation we have as a parent to help and facilitate our child's chance at wellness. Being at home, vegetating and getting worse is not the solution as they have all suggested for you to do?

I believe you need professional advice not opinions from a bunch of kids or people who worked at some facility that was abusive.  Hire an educational counselor, one who is qualified by their professional academic experience and credentials to understand the educational needs and emotional and psychological needs of your child. There are place out there for him!

There are abusive placements so make sure you are careful in your choice. There are also unstable kids on this site so also make sure you pay attention to who is giving you advice!

[Covergaard]

Sure there are places a child can stay with good results. I had an relative in such a place and I could visit the person every single day and when it was not possible due to my work, I could phone HER mobile-phone. It was allowed to have it open during certain hours every single day.

It was the open inpatient unit for psychologically diseases (clinical depression). Every single day they had some hours where we relatives could visit and go off ground for an hour if we wanted to.

I am 40 year old and have grown up in my parents house until I moved out at an age of 20 shortly before I left school and got my first full-time job in the industry where I have worked since.

So we are not all former detainees in programs and I am parent of two children.

If you had a day-program in your city for youth, which would be catagorized as "at-risk" a lot of placements would not be necessary.

Second of all, develop in-house treatment at the local hospital where you can drop in every day if you like and where they can continue to study at their local school as distance-students. We are living 2007 and at long of computerized solutions for distance-students have been invented.

But what most of the people here at forum advocate against is outsourcing of parenting and making a business out of warehousing children until they can be trown out on the streets. The sad reality is that 90 percent of all programs function with level-system based on behavior instead of treatment. They cut off face-to-face communication between child and parent and if you look for a minute at all the community networks, a lot of survivor forum for almost any kind of program are popping up anywhere. Survivor-forums because some children do not return home!!

So take the advice here at the forums. If a single program is so outstanding, please name it so facts can checked.

[nimdA]

I understand the worst thing I can do is INSIST that he stay at school. In reality we are willing to accept this poor excuse of RTS for lack of something better and that includes HOME.

I love my son, he is a great guy and I have every bit of faith and hope that he will get through this period - inspite of mediocre schools, the abuse he experienced in the public schools system, the mental health system, society's bias, etc.

Being at the school and having some structure where he does interact with others is better than him sitting on his ass, doing nothing, obsessing, isolated, and spiraling.

We have seen the other side and will do what ever it takes to keep him from that pit again. I know there are no guarantees regardless of anyone's best efforts.  

Thanks for your feedback... and beer at this hour? What is the chaser?

This hour was last night for me. My time zone puts me way the other side of the world.

I see your desire to keep your son out of the pit loud and clear. Are you going to keep him out of the pit the rest of your natural life? At what point are you going to start insisting on your son taking some responsibility for his own condition?

You can leave him in a program that provides "structure" of the most artificial sort. He won't learn anything from it. As I already pointed out he will relapse.

I'm no parent, but I do know programs. I've been involved directly and indirectly with programs since the early 1990's. I saw how this structure, via Rocky Mountain Academy for my brother, didn't work at all. I've seen it again and again and again at Eckerd's Youth Alternatives, Three Springs, and from others here on fornits.

You can try to keep him out of the pit. But really is that your job to be doing so?

Your son is 17 years old.

He isn't a child. As hard as it sounds when is it that you plan to start treating him like a young adult?

Keeping him in the program is treating him as a child. Denying him the opprotunity of learning the hard way or the easy way or any other way.

Again I'm going to ask you what facility your son attends.

[Dr Fucktard]

Is there ANY program that is genuinely therapeutic?

Yes, SIBS is 100% guaranteed to fix druggie kids for life.

[nimdA]

The answer is YES you can find a therapeutic boarding school for your son.  This is coming from another parent who was able to find such place for my deeply troubled child and she is a graduate and doing wonderfully.

There are too many people on this forum without first hand experience as a parent. Many are still deeply troubled chidden and young adults unable to move on with their life.  I would not take their council since it is clouded by their overly strong opinions against any out side the home placement (which sounds unrealistic to keep your son home).

 Watch who is responding to you, they are from a place that has no experience with parenting and they have never felt the deep loving obligation we have as a parent to help and facilitate our child's chance at wellness. Being at home, vegetating and getting worse is not the solution as they have all suggested for you to do?

I believe you need professional advice not opinions from a bunch of kids or people who worked at some facility that was abusive.  Hire an educational counselor, one who is qualified by their professional academic experience and credentials to understand the educational needs and emotional and psychological needs of your child. There are place out there for him!

There are abusive placements so make sure you are careful in your choice. There are also unstable kids on this site so also make sure you pay attention to who is giving you advice!

Excuse me?

Our judgment is clouded?

This is what the majority of fornits brings to the table. We either were abused by a program. Had a loved one abused by a program, or like me worked in a program.

You bring the one example of your personal experience with a program to the table.

We bring you the results of 30 years of torture, sadism, and deprivation of human rights.



http://http://cafety.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=433&Itemid=35

The sadism started with Synanon

It went to Seed

Then to Straight

Right onto CEDU

From Cedu the entire industry exploded into a growing machine.

You bring your one anecdotal experience. YOU can not speak for your child's time in a program. We bring 30 years of institutionalized rape, torture, and psychological abuses of the worst sort.

To ACT UP:

Again if you want to discuss the specifics of the program your son is being warehoused at then post the name of it.

Other than that this discussion is filled with far to many generalities and contains no real specifics.





I'

[hanzomon4]

The answer is YES you can find a therapeutic boarding school for your son.  This is coming from another parent who was able to find such place for my deeply troubled child and she is a graduate and doing wonderfully.

There are too many people on this forum without first hand experience as a parent. Many are still deeply troubled chidden and young adults unable to move on with their life.  I would not take their council since it is clouded by their overly strong opinions against any out side the home placement (which sounds unrealistic to keep your son home).

 Watch who is responding to you, they are from a place that has no experience with parenting and they have never felt the deep loving obligation we have as a parent to help and facilitate our child's chance at wellness. Being at home, vegetating and getting worse is not the solution as they have all suggested for you to do?

I believe you need professional advice not opinions from a bunch of kids or people who worked at some facility that was abusive.  Hire an educational counselor, one who is qualified by their professional academic experience and credentials to understand the educational needs and emotional and psychological needs of your child. There are place out there for him!

There are abusive placements so make sure you are careful in your choice. There are also unstable kids on this site so also make sure you pay attention to who is giving you advice!

Disregard this rubbish,

Most of the survivors here are successful adults, many with kids of their own. Program supporters always try to label them as still deeply troubled or as people who can't move on. Bullshit!!! Survivors move on everyday they live their life and refuse to go and die in a hole somewhere. Moving on doesn't mean you forget what happened to you or that you don't fight for some justice. They have a right to be angry, depressed, or whatever in regards to their experience. They know more about programs then some ed-con out to make a buck or a parent who believes off the bat that everyone claiming abuse is crazy.

So please drop the "they are all manipulators" song at the door.....

You told her to seek out a professional for advice, ok... But then you suggest an Ed-Con?!? This says it all.......

[nimdA]

Spot on Hanzomon.

[Karass]

I believe you need professional advice not opinions from a bunch of kids or people who worked at some facility that was abusive.  Hire an educational counselor, one who is qualified by their professional academic experience and credentials to understand the educational needs and emotional and psychological needs of your child. There are place out there for him!

I agree you need professional advice -- but from a qualified therapist -- not from a program salesman. Ed Cons have no more academic or professional credentials than used car salesmen when it comes to advising parents on educational matters. And they have even less credentials on matters of mental health care.

You seem to understand that the place where your son is now isn't helping him with his mental health issues. At best, he is getting some amount of education. At best, he is not being abused and is "only" suffering the psychological trauma that comes with any sort of institutionalization and loss of freedom of choice.

Is he in immediate danger of harming himself or others? If so, there are hospitals that will keep patients for short periods of time, usually 30 days or less, to stabilize them before sending them home and to outpatient treatment.

If he is not in immediate danger, why is he living in an institution? Are there no psychologists or psychiatrists in your area who can treat his mental health issues? Wouldn't that be better than "benign negligence?" Are there no other school options (online school, for example) besides the public school that was abusive? If not, then maybe he's not in a position to deal with any sort of school right now. Is there some reason he is not being encouraged or even allowed to grow up, make decisions (yes, even make mistakes) and take on some personal responsibility?

You've stuck him in a sort of limbo, where he's 17 going on 12. The sooner you let him stand on his own two feet and figure things out for himself, the sooner he will start moving toward adulthood.

[Froderik]

The answer is YES you can find a therapeutic boarding school for your son.  This is coming from another parent who was able to find such place for my deeply troubled child and she is a graduate and doing wonderfully.

There are too many people on this forum without first hand experience as a parent. Many are still deeply troubled chidden and young adults unable to move on with their life.  I would not take their council since it is clouded by their overly strong opinions against any out side the home placement (which sounds unrealistic to keep your son home).

 Watch who is responding to you, they are from a place that has no experience with parenting and they have never felt the deep loving obligation we have as a parent to help and facilitate our child's chance at wellness. Being at home, vegetating and getting worse is not the solution as they have all suggested for you to do?

I believe you need professional advice not opinions from a bunch of kids or people who worked at some facility that was abusive.  Hire an educational counselor, one who is qualified by their professional academic experience and credentials to understand the educational needs and emotional and psychological needs of your child. There are place out there for him!

There are abusive placements so make sure you are careful in your choice. There are also unstable kids on this site so also make sure you pay attention to who is giving you advice!

Most of the survivors here are successful adults, many with kids of their own. Program supporters always try to label them as still deeply troubled or as people who can't move on. Bullshit!!! Survivors move on everyday they live their life and refuse to go and die in a hole somewhere. Moving on doesn't mean you forget what happened to you or that you don't fight for some justice. They have a right to be angry, depressed, or whatever in regards to their experience. They know more about programs then some ed-con out to make a buck or a parent who believes off the bat that everyone claiming abuse is crazy.

So please drop the "they are all manipulators" song at the door.....

You told her to seek out a professional for advice, ok... But then you suggest an Ed-Con?!? This says it all.......

Yeah. I knew something smelled wrong about that post.....thnx.

[Act UP]

I came here to hear what survivors are saying and I value your openness. I asked for your experience, knowledge and stories and I got them. Your answers have not all been what I wanted to hear, but I asked and you answered. I would not have asked if I did not want to know. For this I thank everyone.

I believe most here are motivated by trying to save others from the hell they experienced - but I believe most people here do not experience any shades of gray, it is all or nothing. It feels as if the opinion here is no matter what my child would be better off at home than in this school. This is wrong and obviously not something many of you will or can accept. I hoped have accepted this one non-negoicable fact and moved on, but it seems not.

(Dew - and to all whom this applies) it is not for us to dismiss anyone's feelings or experiences. We each have our own reality and truth. The love of a mother/ parent is not more valid than the life and experiences of those we love.

As for an Ed Consult - I can not justify giving 3K-5K to someone I do not know, someone whose motives I question (besides making a lot of money), someone I have little or no reason to trust, nor do I they have any meaningful mental health experience. I understand that they visit these places but I believe things are and can be hidden with little notice. Just like when we all went to parent teacher conferences, the teachers never screamed or humiliated our children then.

At this time my son is willing to continue at the school and for that I am grateful. I will not be telling him he can just leave and come home to do nothing. We talked this afternoon about "the plan" and he said he wants to continue (I understand one day at a time) but that when he feels he needs a break from there I should not hassle him about coming home (for a respite). Sigh. I did hear him loud and clear.

"The sooner you let him stand on his own two feet and figure things out for himself, the sooner he will start moving toward adulthood.” But you are not seeing the entire story – there is a major down side and risk to not moving forward! Either you refuse to GET IT or are so poisoned by your own experiences that you can't get it.

What I probably have in common with other parents who are and have been in a similar place is that we are trying to do what ever it takes for our children to survive long enough to make it out of this tumultuous period (of adolescence)  and live long enough to be able to move on with their lives.

[nimdA]

No facility name provided Topic is booted out of Facilities.

Have a nice day now yall.

[Anonymous]

Okay Act UP, this is getting old. Without names you're really just pissing in the wind.

You're probably assuming that the moment you name the program that we'll instantly find out things that are wrong with it. This is a correct assumption. Every single thing that can be called a program (there are, on the other hand, legitimate medical treatment centers that are non-targets for the majority of Fornits) has been exposed the moment it is mentioned here.

no matter what my child would be better off at home than in this school.

Given that every single time anyone has named a place on Fornits we've exposed it for what it really is, pardon us for working on an assumption that has been validated every single time, much like the Earth continues to rotate to let the Sun rise every morning.

Please prove us wrong. Name the school (if it can be called that) and maybe there really is nothing wrong with it.

But if you choose to wallow in ignorance instead, don't blame us when your kid comes out worse than he started.

[nimdA]

What you ought to do is look into the suicide attempt rate at your son's duckfarm. Might tell you everything you want to know without wasting our time here.