flashback

[Antigen]

I been caught..

It's all cool. You own your words and can parry them any damned way you please. Sorry I missed it. You're artful.

[Antigen]

Can you ask him to hurry up and get on with it

 :rofl:

I had a totally surprising flashback like 8 years out. I was working as a telemarketer. I had just been promoted to closer (pretend manager) The room was set up w/ the cold caller booths in a horseshoe w/ the "managers" in the middle. So we were doing a li'll stage show stoking them  when we weren't closing calls. That part was fun.

My very first closing call, I suddenly realized that the whole room was focused on me. I had this nice little old lady on the phone wanting her carpet cleaned and reassurance that it wasn't a scam, when I started hyperventilating. I told her I was having an asthma attack. It would have been upsetting except that it was so damned funny! The room went from busy but focused (cause it was all about stiff competition among cold callers and between managers) to dead silent, totally focused on my unusual closing style. They didn't know what to make of it. It sort of sounded like an obscene phone call. And that was just hysterical! I had to stifle my laughter as I was trying to speak through totally seized lungs and work out the details to get old widdow Pollack's carpets freshed up for the holidays. So there I was, trying to breathe, speak, sound normal and not break into hysterical laughter when I realized I had to pee.  :rofl: So add desperately crossing legs and doing the pee pee dance to the whole scene.

I closed the sale. Busted out laughing. Co"manager" asked if I was alright. I said yeah, just a panic attack. It's just that it caught me by surprise. Thinking back, there were a lot of elements leading up to it. Ever done telemarketing? You get no response about half the time, a positive response about 1% of the time and cussed at all the rest. But it's just that I didn't see it coming. That passes as you have more time to sort things out.

[psy]

I been caught..

It's all cool. You own your words and can parry them any damned way you please. Sorry I missed it. You're artful.

I found a copy by hitting the back button enough... HAHAHAHAHAhhahahah...  But i respect his decision to edit...  It was a good post though.  Was about to respond too...

I'm still kind of shocked...  I don't normally like groups of people such as crowds (at least not anymore), but uncomfort never causes me to just freeze like that.  I can talk in my sleep, i can talk drunk, I can talk your head off after a day without sleep...  Thanks to acting class, i don't have any problem speaking standing up in front of people, or on a stage... I don't forget lines, i am fast enough to improvise If I forget words...  Being uncomfortable does not do that to me, nor does being scared.  I couldn't think about anything but group.  It was like the people in the room became the people in group, that's how i saw them for that moment in time.

I think Julie is wrong...  This wasn't a phobia situation.  I was surprised to feel fear, and it wasn't a sudden thing.  I was fine for the first point of my presentation, but something reminded me of group (raps), and I was at eye level, and they were all looking at me.  I didn't think I would feel that way, and i've talked about other things in the same situation and been fine...  I couldn't get group out of my head.

Many people mention that propheet/Seminar/workshop music causes vivid flashbacks.  Personally, I'm afraid to try.  I will sometime... soon.  During break, between semesters.  How did you guys sit at Straight?  Was it in a circle, or was it lines of chairs facing forwards?  I'm curious.  My hypothesis is that if you place a survivor in a similar situation, similar surroundings, etc...  the same will happen.

[Antigen]

Hey, we cross posted. Check it out. It'll pass. Don't shy away from any damned thing you want to do.

[exhausted]

I've read your post several times Psy and am wondering why you are surprised to feel fear when placed in a situation that was at one time designed to break your very being.....why are you surprised? because you've dealt with it before?

Give yourself a break, I didn't go through raps, but just reading about what they are like tells me you got every right to feel fear when in a raps 'situation' - damn, it'd be enough to send anyone into a full blown panic attack, personally I would have ran out of the room thinking my throat was going to close up on me/heart give out/legs collapse - you were very brave to stick it out

Oh and to the idiot - what do you think a batroom is? It's a place you keep bats ?? Like Duh

[Anonymous]

one room for the bats, and one room for the balls, then you take a bat or two and go into the room with the balls. you know, the balls that have helen peterman or whoever else, you know, there little face right on that little hard ball. then you swing the bat and knock the ball right into the hellfires that are waiting for those balls to come home. it's HOME RUN.... run to yer home little balls. and take your hellish essense with ya.

[Deborah]

I agree with Julie.
The situation was similar to one in the past that induced fear. Just change the software that was installed then. You do that by continuing to put yourself in that situation, at whatever level you're comfortable, and noticing that you're perfectly safe in the present-de-sensitization. Those panic feelings are old fears from an environment that wasn't safe, and not useful in the present.

[69]

I wish LSD flashbacks were real..

[Antigen]

I don't think this post really had any point at all.. you know how sometimes you just keep typing and shit comes out, this one of those posts.. and it never gets wrapped up.. it just kind of ends abruptly for no reason.

Fuck!  :nworthy:

LOL. I once almost round housed my boss. He came up behind me while I was zoned out doing some repetitive, menial job and called me by my given name in just the condescending tone of a fucking Program parent or staff. That was a huge trigger cause very few people even knew my real name outside of program pod people. Just the look on my face when I turned around made the dude jump a foot. Turns out, he was only there to give me a $5 cert for lunch at a local place; my reward as employee of the month. LOL. His son saw the whole thing but couldn't hear the conversation over all the machine racket, asked wtf that had been all about. So I had to explain a little bit. Turns out, he was a proud LIFE graduate. I lost that job soon after when TWA folded and the kid's friend needed a job. Oh well.

Point is, sometimes you'll be paranoid and react to things that are just similar, but not really true signs of the same kinds of threats you've already learned to manage. Other times there's something to it, it's not paranoia, it's good, sound gut instinct. Often enough, those people around you who keep their cool while you're losing yours really just don't know WTF is going on. It helps to get a reality check from friends who understand where you're coming from.