Author Topic: flashback  (Read 3966 times)

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Offline psy

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« on: May 04, 2007, 12:35:46 AM »
Ever had this happen?

Quote from: ""on IM with OzGirl, I""
Michael Crawford: yeah... it's sad .. all of us are affected. i discovred somethign today... i was supposed to
give a presentation on lifton's 8 principles of brainwashing for french class. i discovered i couldn't talk about
program to a group of people while sitting down...
Michael Crawford: i completely froze. i was so embarrassed.
Michael Crawford: i saw them staring at me, and i felt they were judging... i felt like hiding.
Michael Crawford: i started remembering what it was like to sit on the hotseat.... to get "fishbowled" as
Jayne called it..
Oz Girl: oh hey im am sorry. Perhaps a quiet word with your lecturer will allow you to do some
alternative assignment or a note form the campus GP?
Oz Girl: Sounds awful
Michael Crawford: well she knows ... i explained ... it was just really embarrassing... i was able to talk about
it standing up for another classs... just not sitting down
Michael Crawford: i felt they were going to attack me
Michael Crawford: that has never happened before
Oz Girl: Im sorry that happened to you
Michael Crawford: it was a shock...
12:25 AM
Oz Girl: Well it might be a oncec off?
Oz Girl: Or not. Perhaps a really sympathetic counsellor who is strategy based can help
Michael Crawford: Before program, if people confronted me, if I was stressed, the adrenaline helped me
perform better. I couldn't speak. I couldn't form sentences today
Oz Girl: to at least come up with ways to manage it
Oz Girl: Im so sorry
Michael Crawford: it the sitting down
Oz Girl: Its ironic cause most ppl are more nervous about the formality of standing to give a
presentation
Michael Crawford: it's funny how something so simple... but bioenergetics were a big part of program... how
we sat, posture, it was all tightly controlled... the "calasthenics" we had in the morning.
Michael Crawford: i am normally a great public speaker...
Michael Crawford: i used to take acting classes before program.. i was never shy in front of an audience..
Oz Girl: well you still are. Perhaps if you stand up lecture style that way *you* are the one in control
Michael Crawford: I wish i had figured that out ... but i was too unsettled. i kept thinking about group...
Michael Crawford: you mind if I post this on fornits... i don't feel like typing this twice?
Oz Girl: Well nobody can figure it out on the spot when they are in the moment. Dont be hard on your
self
Oz Girl: nope not at all
Michael Crawford: cool...


i've frozen up talking about things like program... but I didn't expect it to happen just sitting there talking about something so general...  I couldn't speak.  It was so embarrassing.  I tried to make it seem like it was nothing, but clearly the teacher noticed since she asked if I needed to take a breather after I "finished"...

Maybe I should have chosen a more innocuous topic?

I felt afraid... they were all judging me, they were all loading up their guns...  I felt like i was shit... once again.. that feeling of worthlessness.  I deserved to be attacked.

Something was wrong.. the claws didn't come out.  the defiance...  where was it?  I just wanted to hide under the desk...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Benchmark Young Adult School - bad place [archive.org link]
Sue Scheff Truth - Blog on Sue Scheff
"Our services are free; we do not make a profit. Parents of troubled teens ourselves, PURE strives to create a safe haven of truth and reality." - Sue Scheff - August 13th, 2007 (fukkin surreal)

Offline Rachael

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« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2007, 03:55:57 AM »
ok, maybe I'm just sleep-fucked, but I swear to god there was another reply to this like 30 minutes ago.... um, I think I need to go look at something else for a little while. Wierd.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Justice, Justice shall you pursue.

Deuteronomy 16:20

Offline psy

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« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2007, 04:00:39 AM »
Quote from: ""Rachael""
ok, maybe I'm just sleep-fucked

You tooo...  Odd... insomnia tends to be a common trait amongst program survivors.

Quote
but I swear to god there was another reply to this like 30 minutes ago.... um, I think I need to go look at something else for a little while. Wierd.


yes.. it was ExitPlan.. he has a funny habit of deleting posts late at night, soon after posting em... Funny thing is I enjoy reading his posts.  Oh well.. The browser has a back button...  Silly exit plan: quit doing that!  I like your posts.
« Last Edit: May 04, 2007, 04:02:53 AM by Guest »
Benchmark Young Adult School - bad place [archive.org link]
Sue Scheff Truth - Blog on Sue Scheff
"Our services are free; we do not make a profit. Parents of troubled teens ourselves, PURE strives to create a safe haven of truth and reality." - Sue Scheff - August 13th, 2007 (fukkin surreal)

Offline Rachael

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« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2007, 04:02:36 AM »
Jeez... you shouldn't do that to a person with a sometimes tenuous grasp on reality as it is. Not nice.

And if I remember, I think it was a good post.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Justice, Justice shall you pursue.

Deuteronomy 16:20

Offline psy

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« Reply #4 on: May 04, 2007, 04:04:05 AM »
Quote from: ""Rachael""
Jeez... you shouldn't do that to a person with a sometimes tenuous grasp on reality as it is. Not nice.

And if I remember, I think it was a good post.


It was...  But I get what you mean about the reality thing.  When you learn to doubt yourself...  everything is possible.  black is white if you believe...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Benchmark Young Adult School - bad place [archive.org link]
Sue Scheff Truth - Blog on Sue Scheff
"Our services are free; we do not make a profit. Parents of troubled teens ourselves, PURE strives to create a safe haven of truth and reality." - Sue Scheff - August 13th, 2007 (fukkin surreal)

Offline 69

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« Reply #5 on: May 04, 2007, 11:55:30 AM »
I been caught..
« Last Edit: May 04, 2007, 09:41:08 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #6 on: May 04, 2007, 04:32:57 PM »
What you're talking about sounds like a phobic reaction--it doesn't matter how you got it if you have it.

You may want to look up systematic desensitization, which you can do for yourself if you're (understandably) phobic about therapists and pshrinks.

The key is to go in very small steps of things that only make you a little bit uncomfortable--first even just imagining yourself doing it, or doing little steps of it (just a few people or a huge number of people, whichever is least frightening for you). You do that until you are comfortable with that step you've taken. Then you take another small step until you're comfortable with it, and so forth.

The key is to set yourself up to succeed and build on each small success.

I'm doing the same thing for myself now with a phobia of social events with lots of strangers, and of getting formally introduced to new people. I do therapy, and my therapist says that doing the systematic desensitisation myself is a great idea.

It helps with almost any phobia. I hope this post is useful to you.

Julie
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline exhausted

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« Reply #7 on: May 04, 2007, 07:58:48 PM »
It was helpful to me Julie - i might have to try that ...anyway this is about Psy

Psy - really if it made you feel so uncomfortable (was it panic attack uncomfortable, fight or flight situation?) then stand up and make your presentation, I don't think you should avouid the subject at all, it's something you are really passionate about and SHOULD be speaking about imho, you are articulate and intelligent when it comes to this subject

Maybe you're real concern here would be to find out why it's bothered you so much that the sitting down upset the balance, you already know why sitting down to make your presentation bothered you, it's more imprtant to find out why you are worrying about it, it's perfectly understandable! Anyone who had been through a trauma like that is going to feel uneasy when put in the same situation

I'd really concentrate on the work you're doing Psy, continue with it and stand up next time, it doesn't matter that you feel uncomfortable with sitting, of course your psyche is going to tell you to be on the defensive, you're asking too much of yourself to try and force yourself to just 'get over it' - just go with what's comfortable for you and don't beat yourself up because you can't face it, no-one is going to kill you for standing up - why put yourself through it when you don't have to?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #8 on: May 04, 2007, 08:29:13 PM »
I have this phobia..and suddenly.. suddenly.. it all of a sudden came on..it scares me..I'm afraid of my own shadow.. everywhere I turn it's there...

I have this idea that my own shadow is always choking me.. and he..he..gags me.. you know it's funny..it's a funny thing...he's always gagging and choking me..he's always.. he creeps around me..and when i'm in the batroom with myself..I'm always in a nice warm tub or sumpn..and i put nice cream on myself..he's always there lookin to choke me.. it's an awful thing..I feel very silly..i feel so sad about this..

could you help me??Cause he's always gagging me and choking me..and he's my own shadow, that's what's so scary...

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! You see?? Oh, god help us.. god help us.. god and baby jesus help us.. See? He always chokes me!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2007, 08:45:36 PM »
Quote from: ""Sol R0senberg""
I have this phobia..and suddenly.. suddenly.. it all of a sudden came on..it scares me..I'm afraid of my own shadow.. everywhere I turn it's there...

I have this idea that my own shadow is always choking me.. and he..he..gags me.. you know it's funny..it's a funny thing...he's always gagging and choking me..he's always.. he creeps around me..and when i'm in the batroom with myself..I'm always in a nice warm tub or sumpn..and i put nice cream on myself..he's always there lookin to choke me.. it's an awful thing..I feel very silly..i feel so sad about this..

could you help me??Cause he's always gagging me and choking me..and he's my own shadow, that's what's so scary...

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! You see?? Oh, god help us.. god help us.. god and baby jesus help us.. See? He always chokes me!
Can you ask him to hurry up and get on with it
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline psy

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« Reply #10 on: May 04, 2007, 09:21:38 PM »
Quote from: ""exhausted""
It was helpful to me Julie - i might have to try that ...anyway this is about Psy

Psy - really if it made you feel so uncomfortable (was it panic attack uncomfortable, fight or flight situation?) then stand up and make your presentation, I don't think you should avouid the subject at all, it's something you are really passionate about and SHOULD be speaking about imho, you are articulate and intelligent when it comes to this subject

Maybe you're real concern here would be to find out why it's bothered you so much that the sitting down upset the balance, you already know why sitting down to make your presentation bothered you, it's more imprtant to find out why you are worrying about it, it's perfectly understandable! Anyone who had been through a trauma like that is going to feel uneasy when put in the same situation

I'd really concentrate on the work you're doing Psy, continue with it and stand up next time, it doesn't matter that you feel uncomfortable with sitting, of course your psyche is going to tell you to be on the defensive, you're asking too much of yourself to try and force yourself to just 'get over it' - just go with what's comfortable for you and don't beat yourself up because you can't face it, no-one is going to kill you for standing up - why put yourself through it when you don't have to?


I didn't figure out why until after the fact.  Next time, I'll stand up.  The sitting in a lone chair, with everybody looking at me... that was what did it.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Benchmark Young Adult School - bad place [archive.org link]
Sue Scheff Truth - Blog on Sue Scheff
"Our services are free; we do not make a profit. Parents of troubled teens ourselves, PURE strives to create a safe haven of truth and reality." - Sue Scheff - August 13th, 2007 (fukkin surreal)

Offline Froderik

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« Reply #11 on: May 04, 2007, 09:36:57 PM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
Quote from: ""Sol R0senberg""
I have this phobia..and suddenly.. suddenly.. it all of a sudden came on..it scares me..I'm afraid of my own shadow.. everywhere I turn it's there...

I have this idea that my own shadow is always choking me.. and he..he..gags me.. you know it's funny..it's a funny thing...he's always gagging and choking me..he's always.. he creeps around me..and when i'm in the batroom with myself..I'm always in a nice warm tub or sumpn..and i put nice cream on myself..he's always there lookin to choke me.. it's an awful thing..I feel very silly..i feel so sad about this..

could you help me??Cause he's always gagging me and choking me..and he's my own shadow, that's what's so scary...

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! You see?? Oh, god help us.. god help us.. god and baby jesus help us.. See? He always chokes me!
Can you ask him to hurry up and get on with it

 :rofl:  :P ::seg::
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Energizer Bunny

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« Reply #12 on: May 04, 2007, 11:31:04 PM »
Quote from: ""Sol R0senberg""
I have this phobia..and suddenly.. suddenly.. it all of a sudden came on..it scares me..I'm afraid of my own shadow.. everywhere I turn it's there...

I have this idea that my own shadow is always choking me.. and he..he..gags me.. you know it's funny..it's a funny thing...he's always gagging and choking me..he's always.. he creeps around me..and when i'm in the batroom with myself..I'm always in a nice warm tub or sumpn..and i put nice cream on myself..he's always there lookin to choke me.. it's an awful thing..I feel very silly..i feel so sad about this..

could you help me??Cause he's always gagging me and choking me..and he's my own shadow, that's what's so scary...

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! You see?? Oh, god help us.. god help us.. god and baby jesus help us.. See? He always chokes me!



what makes you think it's a he? have you been to see a shrink about this?  
 :o  and what is a BATROOM exactly? do you keep bats as pets? i'm very confused...

wait... what's that noise?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!
 
damn, been nice knowin ya....

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline basketball

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now there
« Reply #13 on: May 05, 2007, 12:57:08 AM »
if she wants to have a batroom - SO BE IT
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Offline Energizer Bunny

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Re: now there
« Reply #14 on: May 05, 2007, 01:02:10 AM »
Quote from: ""basketball""
if she wants to have a batroom - SO BE IT


um ha? ha? ha? yeah ok

so she has a male shadow... she sounds crazy i think she should commit herself to the crazy farm one with a petting zoo preferably.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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