With the grief of a child's mind...

[mithygato]

Marika,

I also understand what you are saying - just be positive in life and know that those fuckers can never touch you again . . .literally.

When I escaped it was so strange being in public places like restaurants.
I felt like all these people are eating and drinking and they are all looking at me and judging me.
It took along time before I could simply enjoy sitting by myself in a bar or res. and drink/eat and watch a ball game.
Only people who have been through an ordeal like us can understand.
Beer and wine they were drinking with their Italian food - EVIL says Straight.
I can't believe Straight actually wanted everyone to declare that we would never drink alcohol again!
Yea, right.  I couldn't even say that when I was 17 - I refused even though the upper phaseres constanly screwed with me.
Sure, I will never drink a beer even if I'm hanging at the lake with my best friends when I'm 100 years old.
Give me a fucking break!

I don't know how we fix things.
That's a big one.
Just be happy, enjoy life and know that there are other people out here who went through the same Hell . . .and that we are there to share out experience and get it off our chest.

Also, that some of us are active in lobbying in States all around the nation against these organizations, in order to SHUT THEM DOWN.
Future generations should not have to live with the memories that we will never foget.

Peace and happiness to you. :grin:

David
M.I.A.
Straight Richardson, Tx. 88/89

[85 Day Jerk]

I find myself constantly battling the "Mother May I" syndrome that was programed into me.  I have a bad habit of hanging back and waiting to see if it is "okay" with people to do or say certain things.  Eventually, I come to realize that a majority of the people I am allowing to have authority over me and my emotions are really just a bunch of fuckin idiots and I get mad at myself and then the Jerk inside me comes out.  Right about this time a wonderful thing happens.  I piss off and offend the true assholes in my life, and am embraced in spirit by my true friends who are enlightened by my point of view.  This has happened in the workplace countless times and never fails to set the tone with people.  For example, I would bring my boom box to work on Wednesdays and play CD's from home.  If management bothered to drag their pussy-ass carcasses to the return dock and out of their air-conditioned comfort they could be treated to seeing 8 or 9 truck drivers singing "Life is Shit" by the Dead Milkmen at the top of their lungs while filling up dump bins with recyclable newsprint!  While some viewed my antics as childish and rebellious, most of them enjoyed the hell out of it.  As far as emotions go, their are times that I feel constipated emotionally, so I watch tear-jerker videos in the privacy of my apartment and cry into my popcorn.  One of the most emotionally devastating movies to open the floodgates is called "Once Were Warriors."  It is a New Zealand film and deals with the trials of a family of the Maori people that are indiginous to New Zealand.  This movie is defineatly not for children and has one of the most realistic scenes of spouse abuse I have ever seen.  It is pretty damn heavy duty and was showcased of the Independent Film Channel a couple of years ago.  All in all, it is good that most of us are aware of these lingering traits left over by the program.  We come to realize what is wrong and take steps to correct it.