Thoughts on teen marriage ~

[Truth Searcher]

MTV's new reality series "Engaged and Underage" actually got me thinking about this.  

One of my co-workers quit school (college) so that she could marry her high school sweetheart.  She is only 19.  He's 20.  You wouldn't believe the ridicule this girl took for her decision.  Our boss called her "stupid" in regard to this decision.

And our daughter is going to marry late this summer.  She is 19 ... boyfriend is also 19.  Our church gave them so much grief over this decision ('you're too young' ... 'you're not financially ready' .... you don't even have a place to live yet') that they called a pastor from another church to do the ceremony.

I feel that all people mature at different ages.  Some 19 year old kids are ready.  I know some 40 year olds who are not.

I know the statistics.  I'm a social worker by profession.  The younger you are ... the less likely the marriage has for success.  The more financially set you are the greater is the likelihood for marital success.  I know that younger adults have not become who they are going to be.  But, shoot, don't we all evolve as we continually mature?  I'm certainly not who I was 10 years ago either.

No they have not finished college.  No they are not going to own a home ... they are going to have to rent an apartment.  Their cars are beaters.  Their silverware doesn't match.  She won't have bone china.  Is all that important to find marital happiness and longevity?  

I'm throwing this out for different perspectives and experiences.

[Deborah]

Is living together (gasp) for a few years not an option?

[Oz girl]

I can't see why co workers feel that it is helpful or appropriate to comment and I think the local church is being pretty unchristian. You would think that thhey would try and help these kids by setting up some kind of pre marriage counselling for them to  truly consider this decision. Therefore if I were these kids I would find a new faith or church fast.

I do know a couple who got together young when they became accidently pregnant. While they did not marry at first the baby came as a big joint comittment. Eventually they did marry after splitting up briefly in their early 20s and are still together some 16 yrs later so it can happen.

Having said that if I were the parents of these kids i would be really worried. I think 19 is too young. it is not about the money per se, afterall most Uni students here at one time or another live like that if they are not in dreaded dorm accomodation or living at home. I would be more concerned that the 20s are a time of enormous growth and change and that they need some time to get real lifes experience. Afterall being this tied down this young denies them the opportunity to travel, or see the world. I also think that while there is a certain charm in being a starving student it is not a great time to have a child. How will they afford to feed a kid? or afford healh care or insurance. I would also be concerned about the eventual transition from student life to full time work. This is a biggie. A lot of time is spent realising that the ideals you had as a rosy cheeked kid in no way match the dad to day world. There is also the queston of whether a couple is sexually compatible.

 Given that the US and similar countries have pretty high divorce rates I think TV shows like the MTV one are being irresponsible and setting kids up to fail. i would advocate living together for a while too .

I am with Deborah. live together first and see how things go.