In the South, If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all bacon grease. You will be instructed later on its many uses.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective big'ol; as in big'ol truck, or big'ol boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin' " is a valid defense here.
Also be advised, the moon comes over the mountain in gallon jugs; and there ain't no such thing as quater moon these days.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" you should stand clear. These are likely his last words.
If there is the prediction of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns; that they are proficient marksmen; and that their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
keep in mind the folowing:
The North has Bloomingdales, The South has Dollar General.
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races
North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has greens
(kale greens; collard greens; turnip greens; all requiring the bacon grease you saved)
The North has lobsters, The South has craw-dads.
The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.
AND REMEMBER: If you settle in the South and bear children, don't think they'll be considered Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
