Hey, man. It was good talking with you a while back. I think that there is nothing wrong with doing your best to hold your own. As my first girlfriend used to tell me, you can't jump beyond your own development. I guess that sounds program, maybe not. I think it's very different than "You are exactly where you.need to be." when we were all a sobbing, blubbery mess. That was a mindfuck designed to establish validity to our compromised conditions. As the fornit's forum bot/hack words it: "You are exactly where I want you to be." That pretty much sums it up.
I think that all of us to some extent have experienced a certain degree of arrested development, even the ones who seem "successful", whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean. RMA was a "detour" that threw us all off, and we all had to fight, in our own way, to regain ourselves. Some did it sooner than others, but you know what? It's not a fucking race. Just like my girlfriend said.
Like you, I tend to enjoy solitude, and also like you, I was like that before I came to RMA. All the more awful what we were put through, with the forced intimacy. Some people simply like to keep to themselves more than others, you know? "No man is an island?" Bullshit. I can be as island-y as I want when the mood strikes.
I wish I could give you some insight regarding connecting with old friends. However, until recently, I really haven't wanted to associate with anyone from my graduating class, or from the school. (It took me forever to warm up to blownaway.) It's just not something I understand. You and I are just wired differently in that sense, I think.
I hope you are doing well, bro. I'm now looking for my peer group, too. Shine on.
