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Pledge to ban theWho

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Anonymous:
I think we are all painfully aware that there is a net right below our feet ready to entrap us if we should take just one wrong step. Once you know that, experience it and feel it, it's hard to go back to not seeing all the fucking cracks in the sidewalk from then on, it really is impossible. You see just how close everyone else is to that cliff, as if they don't even see the edge.. and here we are running in the opposite direction, screaming back to them, get back you ignorant fuck!! Which can make you seem crazy. I know I seem this way to my friends, but I tell them, this is not because I have a chemical imbalance. I spent my entire teenage years running from and being put into facilities and shit like that, and well into my adult years. So when you know that there are people who take an active interest in knowing your thoughts, and pleasures and acting upon their idea of what's best for you, even if it means locking you up or forcing you onto brain altering chemicals, they will do whatever it takes and think themselves heroes. I still live in fear, and I think it's because I spent my younger years hiding and running from my parent. All the way up until I was 18 and finally clawed my way out of the constant maze of catch and release, escape and survival. I made a real friend, who I met a treatment center, but that was't a program. We are best friends now. We don't talk about our treatment experiences (we both have similar younger years) because what point is there really? I start to talk about it and my hands sweat,  pupils dilate, appetite goes away, muscles tense up, my jaw clenches and all the other signs that I am getting ready for a battle, and adrenaline is being released. I can't just sit around and talk about it like we are talking about politics or something. To me its unresolved. It never will be, because in order to do so I would have to enter battle and either win or die trying, and I am dead serious about that. Unless something that extreme were to occur, it's hard for me to imagine that this amount of hatred can ever, ever abate itself. Which brings up the point, who to fight? It wasn't one particular program, one particular family members, or one particular experience. It's the whole damn enchilada, and I am not quite sure whether I am allergic to just the peppers inside or the whole damn thing. It can get upsetting sometimes. The pent up stress and anger has taken its toll physically as well, it hurts, literally. So I don't know, I come here expecting to find answers and solutions so it's disheartening to read through some of this stuff. But it feels good, just to know, that others are out there.. but depressing at the same time. When you read about program survivors from programs 20 years ago, waking up, still having nightmares. It can get kind of scary.
I was thinking maybe a new forum might be in order for the abuse that takes place in regulated medical facilities and group homes, like psychiatric hospitals, and half way houses. I have a lot of stories from these types of places but I am never sure where to place than and just focus on my time in private programs, but its hard to tell a complete story. Like you say, DARE and public school, it starts early, and to suggest this is the result of only private programs is only telling half the story.
I like talking to the older survivors the most because they are further from the program and more chill.
ANd when I sawy the 'program' I am talking not hjust about private programs and such, but program families and all that kind of shit. Growing up in a fanatical AA family I feel like I was in a program from my earliest memories..and then prgoram after program after that. I was just fulfilling my destiny. 90 meetings in 90 days, whos up for it. lol

Anonymous:
Ive been rereading my last post. Who do you fight, I ask in my last post.. and I have no realized the answer is, myself. The only thing left to fight is an internal battle, trying to remove the implanted psychological bullshit and self doubt that inevitably comes from being held hostage from love, family, society and respect so long as you withhold yourself. I think its hard to give up withholding self from that point on since its the only things that kept you, you.

Anonymous:

--- Quote from: ""Antigen's Ghost"" ---So yeah, I think there's value in hooking up w/ people who understand what you're talking about, but I wish it didn't tend to be such an exclusive thing. You're right, I've noticed the same thing. Wherever two or three program vets may gather for any particular reason, there's sure to be a come down rap and a termination somewhere along the line.

I don't know what to do about it, either. Any ideas?
--- End quote ---

Maybe you should elaborate on this stuff sometime like with what all went down in some of these situations you've experienced....just a thought.  

What to do? Keep talking out in group, I guess. What else can you do?

Antigen:
I will. Hanging with my daughter tonight, so prolly later once she turns in.

Anonymous:
Cool..  ::seg::

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