I need advise

[exhausted]

Guys and gals, I need your advice ...

Things are still going really well at home, the boys are still out of trouble and I've not had any complaints or police knocking at the door, however .....

I was out in the garden today and I found a homemade bong hidden behind a pot plant - I know it's not the 19 year olds as he is really anti pot, he's had some very bad experiences from when he snmoked it as a young teen and is still suffering to this day, he has spoken to his younger brothers about this and went completely beserk about it when I found the bong, although understands that going mad at them is not a good idea.

I'm really freaked out by it as I'm 99% sure its my 14 year old, I have armed the younger two with every bit of information on what could happen through smoking it later on in their lives, they know pretty much everything, they also know that weed pretty much led to my own brother's very early death - the thing is, we had this episode some time back and I really thought they understood how it could ruin their lives later on, we have an obvious genetic mental instability problem in the family and I am extremely worried for them, all of the boys who have smoked weed in any shape or form have ended up very ill mentally & as I've said, my brother ended up dead.

What do I do? How do I approach this? Smoking out of a bong at their ages is a bit heavy dontcha think? I did talk with my 14 year old a couple fo weeks back as I knew he was stoned but he is denying it, although he knows I am well aware - I don't want to lose my grip and flip out on him through fear, I know that is not the way to go about it, so what is?

[nimdA]

No smoking out of a bong is pretty normal. You can make them out of soda cans, apples, and just about anything. Set the kids down and have a conversation with them. Ask them about the bong and see what they volunteer. Chances are they won't say anything immediately, and that is ok. More than likely the one who made the thing will come tell you later on his own. Just give him a hug and remind him that they put all sorts of strange shit in weed, like pcp, and to be very careful.

Or just be prepared for the fact that it might be some neighboor's kids bong.

Either way nothing to freak out about.

[Anonymous]

That PCP laced weed myth just keeps on chugging with no end in sight!

[Oz girl]

perhaps you could tell both of them that you found it, not demand to know whose it is (because if i were the culprit i would lie immediately) and talk with them about what the house rules on the use of drugs are.

If you are a parent who believes some kind of reasonable penalty should be enacted for the use of such things then discuss with them what this shall be next time. if it happens again calmly enact the penalty. The fact that you found this may be a moderating force because often once "busted" kids go to greater lenghts to hide the behaviour so there are less opportunities.
Below is a website with parental tips. It has *some* useful things to say and values a non alarmist approach. Good luck
http://www.communities.qld.gov.au/famil ... drugs.html

[69]

Smoking out of a bong at their ages is a bit heavy dontcha think?

No it really isn't.. TSW gave some good advice. Minus the propaganda of course.

[nimdA]

Hey now I remember doing a tour of the DARE druggie mobile when I was 9 and they said that weed is sometimes laced with PCP. So sue me if I didn't realize right away I should have poked that myth with a stick.

My bad yo.

[69]

Well you are just setting your kids up to be laughed at when they smoke out with their buddies and ask"yo man, this shit isn't laced with PCP is it?!" and they are dead serious.  :wink:

[nimdA]

Yeah should have realized the immediate response to that one would be, "Well mum I should hope its laced with PCP!"

[TheWho]

The last thing you want to do is get upset at him or confront him at this point.  Try just spending more time with him.  Head out to a movie or rent one that he likes and watch it at home and at some point when the two of you are comfortable talk to him about how he is doing and what you found in the garden and then just let him talk without any judgment on your part.  There is no rush to solve this or nip it in the bud.  If you freak out and raise the energy level in the household it will only make things worse.

Growing up my mom was funny about things like that.  I come from a large family.  We never got punished much (yelled at, yes) but rarely grounded, never spanked in our house.  She found my older sisters “water pipe” in the bushes out front.  Years later she told me she thought it was mine, but anyway, she put it on the dinner table and put flowers in it.  I remember it was made of glass about 12” tall with a big bulb at the bottom for the water.  What my mom didn’t know was it was a “Carburetor” (or choke as we called it).  Not sure if anyone is familiar with this nowadays, but anyway, after we all sat down to dinner my mom picked it up and said “look what I found in the bushes today, an old vase”  but when she pick it up water spilled out of the blow hole onto the table clothe (which turned brown) and the smell of bong water, which is kind of funky for those of you who don’t know, filled the room.  My dad said “That’s not a vase, Hun” and my sister stormed out of the room and no one said a word with the exception of a few snickers.  It turns out my mom and sister had a really good talk that night.  It didn’t solve everything and there were a lot worse things to come in the future but she always figured out a way to get everyone talking without confrontation or threats.

Just find out where his head is at and keep him close and the communication open.  The rest will fall into place.

[Anonymous]

no, I would say 14 is about right....in 1979 when I was14....at least half my grade had tried pot by then, and no im not exxagerating. 12 was when most smoked cigs first, 14-15 for pot and alcohol, and 16-17 for occassional harder stuff. And, no you cant die from smoking too much pot. It might make you do something dumb or fall asleep while driving but alcohol is far worse for you and does much more to your awareness and its legal go figure. I would not freak but ask alot of questions and make sure he is armed with alot of good info on what the side effects are. a 14 yr old is not going to stop smoking just because you say no. We all remember what 14 felt like. Most of us did things we knew our parents didnt approve of. That being said, rules and structure are still necessary, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Yeah should have realized the immediate response to that one would be, "Well mum I should hope its laced with PCP!"

 :rofl:

[Antigen]

Hey now I remember doing a tour of the DARE druggie mobile when I was 9 and they said that weed is sometimes laced with PCP. So sue me if I didn't realize right away I should have poked that myth with a stick.

My bad yo.

Betty Sembler is a founding board member of DARE, America. I wouldn't trust a damned thing they say about anything.

Exhausted, there's no credible evidence of any causative relation between cannabis and any sort of mental illness. There are studies that seem to show that schizophrenics tend to like the stuff. And there are some showing cannabis to be anywhere from moderately to extremely helpful for certain kinds of mental and emotional problems.

I'm sure you're sincere in your concern, but you probably are falling for a load of bogus science designed to do just what it's doing; put you at odds with your kids. The biggest danger associated with smoking pot is getting busted for it. Hiding a bong outside is one good way to bring that about.

How about this? Entertain the notion that you might be wrong and your sons might be right about this and then talk to them about it. If you set out to make them accept your conclusions you're bound to lose. If you can't discuss it rationally, then just insist that they do a far better job of keeping it on the down low. Explain that if you can figure it out then so can snoopy neighbors and cops and such. Emphasize the legal risks, which are real, as opposed to the alleged health risks, which as far as science can tell are exactly zero (less than zero if you take into account the beneficial qualities for some medical conditions and just general good health from reduced stress.)

[RobertBruce]

Shh wrote

That being said, abuse and torture are still necessary, in my opinion

Thats sick Bullfrog, really.

To the parent:

The fact that your kid is making homemade bongs suggests hes been at this awhile. Yes most 14 year olds do this but moderation is the key. Talk to him soon.

[Anonymous]

FIRST of all, I did not post as SHH

SECOND,  i did not type the statement Robert put as a SUPPOSED quote.

Are you that bored ?

Really you need to find a more entertaining hobby Robert

[Anonymous]

Smoking from a bong is probably better for his lungs than smoking from a regular pipe or rolling a joint. Whatever that nasty shit is in bong water that makes it smell so bad, that's the stuff that's not going into his lungs.