From an IM interview:
Why were you sent to Benchmark?
because my parents could not find any program that would take me at 17 in a half because i was a high run arish and my problem with meth and herion
which i am clean and have been for many years now
What was your biggest issue with benchmark?
(ie. what didn't you like most)
wow
i could name a few, but the way they gave feed back and taught my peers to give feed back was a huge problem and the fact that a lot of my peers at the time has sex
they encouraged verbal abuse?
well i don't think proper way of feed back is "i think you are a fucking junkie and a loser and i don't want to sit by you in the van" is really feed back
so in most aspects yes it could be take as verbal abuse
o your primary issue was drugs. Did you feel benchmark helped you with that issue?
NO not at all
i was 17 at the time and going to Na with people two times my age did noting for me
and i may had not grad but let put it this way i didn't stay clean after my stay a benchmark
just to clairfy: you never had drug problems before your parents sent you to your first program (Spring Ridge Academy) correct?
correct
i didn't use extacy or meth until i had grad SRA
but no drugs before?
no
i had friend that smoked pot but i was not in to that
i mostly skipped school
ok. to get back on topic. how was benchmark's group therapy compared to SRA?
SRA was a very loving caring supportive
in groups and most of the girls who go to gether still talk and love eacher like sister
benchmark
groups i hated
i felt that they tore you down put in on the spot and i HATED IT WHEN ANY OR GOT FISH BOWLED!!!!!
for those who don't know.... what is "fish bowled"?
Fish bowl is A TERM jANIE USED
NEVER AT SRA
it is when a sudtent/peer is put in the middle of his peer or we would make a semi circle around them and
tell them how we felt about the what they did
Often it was done when they had broken a rule andthe staff wanted to make an example out of them so other kids would not do whatever they did
were students encouraged to be as harsh as possible? was this encouraged (justified as being "real".. or "calling" someone on their "shit"?
sad to say but yes
in other words, was being harsh equated with being helpful?
i guess so, do i belive that way? no i do not.
i even told staff i don't agree with the way we gave "feed back" and was told i was a softy
k. when kids left benchmark, were they allowed to take any of their property?
for the most part NO
no bike
no money
nothing just what they had ion ther feet and back
so you had no way to make it on your feet apart from... alternative employment...?
i was a diff case
i am not a good expample
my friend Meka
when she left she was aloed on duffle bag
not her
plus she didn't have any money
none of us did we where not on a phase where we could have a job
but even if you had a job, benchmark managed the money correct? all checques were cached by Benchmark right?
yes
you had to sigh them over to benchmark and they said they made a account for you
at a banch
at a bank
you you never deposited it your self
the only money you got was 10 MAYBE when you went of field trips but they kept track of that and befor you got back on they van you had to turn it in and they cheacked your name off
What would happen if a level 2 with a job lost his level? what would happen with the money?
they said that they would keep it for it
don't really know
when i was there they where only 4 level twos
yeah. that's what happened to a few ppl i knew. they "kept it" for them.
lol
were there kids there with serious psychological issues (schizophrenic etc...)
yes i knew one of them, yevvet (i knew Yvette as well, she was a diagnosed schizophrenic.)
but they told her she was acting it, and it was all in her head, and she too went to meetings
Were there any suicide attempts while you were there (5150s)
well i stole meds once and snorted them
some guy tried to cut his wrist and, Well not to long after i ran aways a kid that came in after me i didn't know to well did kill himself ... maybe it was because hetired to move up seval time and well they finally did just to ened up in sink or smiwn
he was not know for having a drug problem either
Did you know him?
know him know him no
meet him face to face
ihe was there when i ran
i was not called a run away though
it was said i sined my self out
yup. that way they can say you completed the program
and hike up their graduation statistic.
How bad was SUWS in Idaho? compared to Benchmark?
lets put it this way i do SUWS any day
i went there twice and i rather dig a hole a take a poopie than go back to benchmark
2:18 AMthe reason i left was because when i got back i supost to be moving up to level two and was told i had to write a drit list
or i could not moved uo
they even called my parents
but you did nothing wrong right?
maybe yelled at my brother
drugs no
hang out with friend no
drink
no
nothing
just hung out with my parent
and they knew this from talking to your parents... and yet they continued to insist you write a dirt list... why?
they wanted me to write a dirt list so my peers would do it and i said no
and they told me i couldn't move up and i so i told them with my mom and dad on the phone i was leaving
They denied you your level becuase you had nothing to put on your dirt list?
they told me i wasn't going to move uo cause i wasn't write a dirt list
i'm asking you if you think they routinely held people back to make them re-consider who they were...?
I feel they held people back to try to show who was boss and let a 27 year work their bprogame thay Benchmark is in charge still of their life
Was anybody ever accepted as "who they are"... or was everybody accused of "not being real"?
they would try to place fear and show they had power and that without them your where nothing, and that in a minute you could be doing great in their book but if you did some thing that wasn't by the book they could take it all away
if you kissed ass you were real
if you did what they said you where real but as soon as you made on mistake they would fish bowl you or point out all your flaws or make you write what you did over and over again and how you would fix it
did they say you would fail without program?
if you did what they said you where real but as soon as you made on mistake they would fish bowl you or point out alll your fflaus or make you write what you did over and over agiand and how you would fix it
janie thinks so
to them i never delt with the facrt i am user
i never got the the core of why i use drug and that
how did they want you to "deal" with it?
go back to my child hood
but i was a happy kid with loving parents that cared for me the best way they new how
i didn't sart using herion x or speed till i was 16 almost 17
they couldn't accept that as real could they? They wanted to redefine your memory of your past?
They wanted you to admit to things that didn't happen until you believed them? did this happen to you or anybody you knew?
yeah they guy chris who got locked up
they use to make his talk about his drug use all the time he was in is late 20 they sent him to the in paitent program they use
then brought him back after thirty day
i knew chris
we talked a few time i use more drug than he did and now he locked upi don't know his story to well or talk to him any more i found hout he licked up cause i did a search on the web
they would do alot of one on one work with the drug use and we alway had fake meeting help by staff that where addict in recovery
did you ever feel hopeless at Benchmark? like you needed the program? did you feel they wanted you to believe you needed the program?
I never felt hopeless at benchmor or like i needed it but i knew alot of kids that did
Without hope... you do anything to comply... you believe anything.. you're butter.
yeah they wanted me to feel that way but i been to other programs and benchmark to me just
but you had already been through program right? so It didn't affect you nearly as much as your first program?
made me angry
I have been to alot of other programs
and have had friend go to other programs
besides SRA and SUWS?
i have NEVER seen the any think the way benchmark
yeah
no i went to SRA, SUWS
i have friend that went to tree spring
i have friends that went to some place in Utah (well that narrows it down)
and every one of them when we talk about "feed back" say that the ever could cuss or tell some one they didn't like them
yes i do
but
and they did
but
in SRA when they do something, your parents are involved
or know before it happens
my parents where never told that i snorted pills at benchmark and that i was taken to the ER
Edit : I'll post more of the interview later... right now it's early in the morning and i'm tired of typing BBtags.
Oh. and Karla says sorry about the spelling.
