Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Mission Mountain School

Needing some help...

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katfish:
now i simply have dreams about running into john at some conference.  that would be strange.

as an adult he's a tiny man to me, but our history is loaded and I think it'll be hard not to experience him w/ that fear... this is weird, but fear that i did not protect him and hence disappoint... part of me automatically thinks that i should've never 'ratted' on a guy who worked to help me and dedicated his life... and the REAL messed up thing is I don't REALLY believe that way... it's just I feel that way habitually... it was drilled into my minds a million different ways during my time there... we owe MMS & John Mercer our lives...don't we girls?  Anyway, I think that initial regressed state would kick in and it would take a  moment to get over, but not too long.  Now I see him as a rather pathetic figure, his omnipotence gone...

still, those dreams reveal that fear... remind me of the paralyzing fear i felt while at MMS.  shudder.

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