I Have A Troubled Son. What should I do?

[Ganja]

So, if you are a real parent, i would suggest asking for help in the "facilities questions" forum.

Smartest thing you've said all night, psy.

[Anonymous]

Good job[/i].

This is some real child abuse advocacy going on right here. Take notes everyone, this is how shit gets done 'round here.

Authorities are on the line, Dad Trying get ready for Homeland Security to swoop in on your child abusing sadistic ass. Play times over, daddy.

[Anonymous]

Rule 1 of plausible fictional characters: Don't contradict yourself.

::noway::

[Anonymous]

Stop messing it up guys... I want to keep giving my off the cuff parenting advice... send your kid tot he MTV show juvies. That should scare that boy straight

[Ganja]

why are you all such assholes? are you trying to bait parents into revealing things about themselves here so you can bash them openly? it only makes them angry and sad and so they seek comfort from the people who tell them what the want to hear who are edcons and lon woodbury and sou chef and kevin august and the like. we should be thanking this dad for even coming to this shithole forum and humoring us with his posts. we should be flattered that he asks us for advice about his kid!!! instead the regulars treat him like garbage in an attempt to silence him so the forum can return to its normal garbage talk about pot, heroin and prostitutes!!! do you all treat your real parents with such disrespect? if you do i hope they smack you in the mouth the next time they see you, because some of you truly disgust me!!!

dad trying... ignore the advice here and go get help from a real professional like oprah or dr phil or someone who has been trained in how to deal with out of control teens. you are asking an art major and korean school teacher for parenting advice, are you on crack??!!

 :cry2:  :cry2:  :cry2:  :cry2:  ::boohoo::  ::boohoo::  ::both::  ::both::  ::both::  ::bwahaha::  ::bwahaha::  ::bigsmilebounce::

[psy]

What helped another mother on this site? Her son used to hang around with the same crowd. Eventually, one of his friends got in big trouble. He then realized he didn't want to go that route. Maybe you could engineer something like that. Hire a PI, take photos, deliver package to popo.

If you're suggesting what I think you are, that's a pretty fucked up suggestion you just made there, psy.

Milk has suggested the same thing before.  I agree. It is fucked up... but how open do you think his father is to taking your suggestions, with a name like that.  Hmm?  If this father is upset about his kid smoking Ganja, Ganja.

Let me be clear:  I have no problems with adults smoking pot.  At all.  I think it should be legalized.  I think it's harmless, it opens the mind to alternative modes of thinking, it increases creativity, it makes me ambidextrous for some odd reason.... you know all this.  I do have a problem with kids smoking it however.  I don't expect them to listen to people who say "don't do drugs  BAAH!!" but i realize that if a kid is hanging out with dealers, who see pot as a drug (like any other), and not an herb... what else might they be involved/approve of?  That's why i'm asking how bad these kids are.  Are they gang members?  Let's not pretend they don't exist.

If they're just re-selling a quarter to a friend, i don't think his father should do what I suggested... but if they're running 8balls of coke along with the  pounds of pot...  now that is dangerous.

Look.  I didn't drink until i became 18, i didn't try pot until i was 18.  One was legal, and one was practically legal, where i lived at the time.  That is not the case here.

[Ganja]

I have thought that I would love to see his dealer get busted. I looked up the drug laws in my state like 70'sRebel suggested. Ist offense pot dealing gets up to 5 years and dealing at school is up to another 10 years. The dealer is careful when he picks my son up and drops him off. I know a few cops. Maybe a "sting" is in order.

Why not try telling him you'd like for him to stay away from your son or something? Why this need to set up some sting? I would think twice about this and the likelihood that it would backfire anyway.

Good advice there, psy.. great job.

[psy]

went into a rage and started pummeling my face as I lie on the couch. I took psy's suggestion and let him hit me some more after I got off the couch

Dad~

I have to seriously disagree with psy's advise on this matter.  This is abuse ... pure and simple.  NO ONE has the right to "pummel" someone else for ANY reason.

You are sending your son the message that physical violence is an appropriate method of expressing his emotions.  That it is OK to punch a human being when he doesn't get his way.

Someday, he will take that lesson to his marriage.  When his wife does not give in to his protestations and emotional manipulations, he will resort to making her his human punching bag.

Perhaps someday when he is confronted by a boss, he will resort to physical violence to make his point.

Or God forbid, someday when he has a child of his own he will resort to punching when he has no better anger management skill.

You are not teaching your son to be responsible.  You are not teaching him to respect others.  You are not teaching him to manage his anger effectively.

Violence is always wrong.  ALWAYS.  Next time call 911 and let him suffer the real life consequences of pummeling someone.


PSY ~ I usually respect your perspectives, but you're way off on this one.  If my husband was frustrated with me for something would you honestly advise me to just let him haul off and pummel me?  Or would you begin to show me that this constitutes spousal abuse?  I think we both know the answer to that question.

Read why i suggested it before condemning me.  Would you rather he did what he did before: pummel the kid back!?!?  That didn't work.  At least here, the kid admitted he didn't feel good about it.  Pummeling him back would make him feel justified and further the conflict.  He might feel it's ok to attack his father since he fights back.  Violence is ended when one party refuses to participate in it.  Period.  I'm not a Christian but there is a lot of wisdom in "turn the other cheek (offer him the other)"  The father chose not to respond, and the kid felt bad about hitting him.  From now on, if he attacks his father, he will do so dishonorably, by attacking a defenseless target.

The point is to make the kid feel shame.  The point is for the kid to look at his father ignoring his blows and say to himself "could i do that, do i have the strength?"...  The point is to make the kid realize that he hurt somebody else.  Read my original advice before condemning me.

I aggree the kid probably needs anger management, but kids learn from their parents... if the father pummels the kid back.. it sends the message that pummeling each other is a rational, healthy way of dealing with family disagreements...

Maybe he needs anger management, but let's see if he stops on his own.

What good would the police do?  What if the kid is stupid enough to fight back?  There's a reason why it's called "less than lethal force", not "non-lethal force"...  You want to put the kid in jail, and teach him that he's a total fuck-up.  No.  The solution is to teach the kid that he's worth something.. by giving him something positive to do, a sense of purpose. That's one reason why i think the computer school his father suggested (3 hours a day) would be a great idea for him.  It only works if he finds it interesting though... which is why i asked what he was interested in.

psy,

Thanks for the advice. I failed to mention that my son actually said, "I'm sorry," about 20 minutes after the pummeling (can't call it a fight;-) We went for pizza and then to a movie after I picked him up today. He didn't even ask me to drop him off at the mall afterwards. He thanked me for the movie. He's a good kid at heart, always has been....just has some emotional problems and fell in with the wrong crowd. His therapist said he's functioning at the emotional level of a 12 year old.

My therapist said the same thing at the time.  When i had my next evaluation when i turned 18, i was functioning past my actual age.  Things do improve.

Try hanging around with him more.  Try doing things he likes doing.  I think you're headed in the right direction with what you are doing.

[Ganja]

Look. I didn't drink until i became 18, i didn't try pot until i was 18. One was legal, and one was practically legal, where i lived at the time. That is not the case here.

Fuck that shit; not me. :rofl:

I started partying early. I was a child of the late 70's...

[psy]

 

What helped another mother on this site?  Her son used to hang around with the same crowd.  Eventually, one of his friends got in big trouble.  He then realized he didn't want to go that route.  Maybe you could engineer something like that.  Hire a PI, take photos, deliver package to popo.

I think it's common sense.. but don't tell your kid you did this when the kid gets in trouble.

I have thought that I would love to see his dealer get busted. I looked up the drug laws in my state like 70'sRebel suggested. Ist offense pot dealing gets up to 5 years and dealing at school is up to another 10 years. The dealer is careful when he picks my son up and drops him off. I know a few cops. Maybe a "sting" is in order.

I wouldn't do it then.  5 to 10 years is too much.  If you can get a cop friend to take the stuff away and give the kid a warning...  that might be more suitable.  Kids make mistakes.  You wouldn't want your kid in jail for 10 years would you?

[Dad Trying]

.. it got him to think about it a bit more than if he was tending to his bloody nose.

I have to agree with your opinion now. Him losing the fights allowed him to think of himself as the "victim." Now he's the bad guy. From now on I'll just grab him and talk to him until he calms down, if this happens again. I suppose my first reaction was wrong. Who woulda thunk good advice come from the internet? Thanks.

PS, forgive my slow responses. I live in the sticks and only have dial-up at home. You realize how slow this site is if you have dial-up.

[Ganja]

 

What helped another mother on this site?  Her son used to hang around with the same crowd.  Eventually, one of his friends got in big trouble.  He then realized he didn't want to go that route.  Maybe you could engineer something like that.  Hire a PI, take photos, deliver package to popo.

I think it's common sense.. but don't tell your kid you did this when the kid gets in trouble.

I have thought that I would love to see his dealer get busted. I looked up the drug laws in my state like 70'sRebel suggested. Ist offense pot dealing gets up to 5 years and dealing at school is up to another 10 years. The dealer is careful when he picks my son up and drops him off. I know a few cops. Maybe a "sting" is in order.

Good way to get a kid killed!

That too!

[Anonymous]

There is a private company that will arrest your teen for drug posession and sale and send him away for as long as you want. This is called an escort company and they charge about fifteen hundred dollars. Do you have fifteen hundred dollars? If you do, your problem could be gone within a couple days. Poof, no trace of him for years, if you like. Doesn't that sound tempting? Sure, he will be wharehoused, and strangers making minimum wage will be dealing with him, but hey, at least you don't!
So do what you know deep down you know you are going to do anyways. Pick up the phone and call an escort company, and have your son dragged away in chains to be punished for his terrible action of meddling in illegal substances. Then get him on a bunch of prescriptiong drugs for depression and anxiety... lock him up for drugs and then pump him full of some other ones that cost a hundred times more. Come on man, you know you want to do it. Go ahead. Pick up the phone. And please, use your cell phone video camera to capture the moment your son is taken from your home and post it on youtube. We could use the entertainment!

[Anonymous]

Look. I didn't drink until i became 18, i didn't try pot until i was 18. One was legal, and one was practically legal, where i lived at the time. That is not the case here.

Fuck that shit; not me. :rofl:

I started partying early. I was a child of the late 70's...

I have never tried alcohol or pot. I didn't know I was talking to a bunch of druggies!

[psy]

.. it got him to think about it a bit more than if he was tending to his bloody nose.

I have to agree with your opinion now. Him losing the fights allowed him to think of himself as the "victim." Now he's the bad guy. From now on I'll just grab him and talk to him until he calms down, if this happens again. I suppose my first reaction was wrong. Who woulda thunk good advice come from the internet? Thanks.

PS, forgive my slow responses. I live in the sticks and only have dial-up at home. You realize how slow this site is if you have dial-up.

Oh this site is slow on broadband... a lot of posters on here.

PS:  If you can't stand the insults and stuff in this forum, you can always ask for help in the facilities questions forum.  "toubled teen industry" forum is completely unmoderated...

edit:  cancel that.  TSW isn't in the mood apparantly