Hi Shanela!! I've been wondering where you've been. :wave:
Superwoman, I know your name isn't maynard. It's a turn of phrase. Like "What's up, maynard?" "Sounds like a plan to me, maynard." Anyway, just wanted to clear that up. Didn't want you to think I was calling you out.
i think that my personality was the kind that benefited from being there because ofthe process i went thru inside myslef as a result of being taken out of the extremely self destructive environment that i was in. i think someone with a different personality, maybe like yours, someone who likes their life the way it was/is, whatever that may be, well then i dont think its for them.
So.. because you were self-destructive, you felt the program helped? A lot of teenagers are self-destructive. I know I had some self-destructive issues. (suicide attempts, can't get more self-destructive than that) and I don't embrace the program. How do you account for this? You talk about personality. What kind of personality, in your opinion, makes someone pro-program?
but for someone who wanted to change and just didnt know how, it was good.
We all changed because of CEDU. None of us can regain that. What is it about your change makes you feel that it was beneficial? I know you said you went to college. So did I. (B.F.A. with honors.) Yet I do not embrace the program. I know one thing, I certainly didn't get into college because of CEDU's crappy academics. I got into college IN SPITE of it. I got in because I was smart, and I have a suspicion you did, too. To what do we inappropriately credit CEDU with, and what do we avoid making connections about? (i.e. nightmares, sexual dysfunction, personality disorders, intimacy issues, easily startled, socialization issues, OCD, [I believe you mentioned that] etc.)
I'm not saying all of our problems are CEDU's fault. I'm saying that some levels of dysfunction can be attributed to it, and sometimes we don't realize that.
Another thing you said in your original post caught my eye.
It's the ONLY way that would have worked.
How do you know this? Are you clairvoyant? Dead, insane or in jail?
Maia Szalavitz wrote about a study on the "success" rates of programs, vs. no placement, and she found NO DIFFERENCE. (Boot camps vs. juvvie, and Synanon vs. no treatment.) The rates were similar for both. The only difference is, one group comes out with trauma and additional baggage.
You talk about overdosing 3 times, and getting into trouble when you got out. (I think that's what you meant, at least.) You justify it by saying that you knew you could have it different, and that CEDU taught you that. Yet you chose not to, which is entirely your right. You eventually pulled yourself together. Are you certain it's because of CEDU that you did this? If it was, then how come it didn't happen right away after you got out? How come you didn't "set the world on fire"? as it were. What made you descend into self-destructive behavior? What happened to your "contract"?
Anyway, I agree with blownaway. The fact that you ran away and got kicked out after the summit is interesting.
It seems, from my viewpoint at least, that there are two conflicting outlooks you have that are vying for compromise, even though they are diametrically opposed and are pretty much mutually exclusive to each other. It's almost like I hear two people talking.
I hear that a lot in here. I've done it myself.