Author Topic: Cedu  (Read 5300 times)

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Offline blownawaytheidahoway

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pg ??
« Reply #15 on: January 23, 2007, 06:44:46 PM »
What's going on here?

Why would someone go through the Summit and then split?
That's very wierd. Even suspect.

You appear here after 15 years posting what you posted. It might seem to you, as it does to me that there is a lot of self anger and regret there.

REGRET

sabotage.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Life is a very wonderful thing.\' said Dr. Branom... \'The processes of life, the make- up of the human organism, who can fully understand these miracles?... What is happening to you now is what should happen to any normal healthy human organism...You are being made sane, you are being made healthy.
     \'That I will not have, \' I said, \'nor can understand at all. What you\'ve been doing is to make me feel very very ill.\'
                         -Anthony Burgess
                      A Clockwork Orange

Offline Anonymous

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Re: pg ??
« Reply #16 on: January 23, 2007, 07:07:41 PM »
Quote from: ""blownawaytheidahoway""
What's going on here?

Why would someone go through the Summit and then split?
That's very wierd. Even suspect.

You appear here after 15 years posting what you posted. It might seem to you, as it does to me that there is a lot of self anger and regret there.

REGRET

sabotage.


I just got bored and me and my friends decided to run away. we wanted a cigarette. it was not complex or confusing. very simple. we were sick of it. done. finished. all three of us had gone thru the summit already. we were gone for 3 days. f*** up the whole time. we got caught at the bus station.
the only thing i ever regreted was not finishing something. but now i have my college degree. so i have finsihed something. so no regrets anymore. wierd maybe, but suspect? what do you mean? we were legends at cedu in our own day.....i even met people later inlife from cedu who knew who i was, i was somewhat famous :)
suhweet
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Offline Anonymous

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Cedu
« Reply #17 on: January 23, 2007, 08:44:42 PM »
To the first Poster:
I'm glad you are doing well, but there is no therapist who would advocate the principles of this program. The program was not develped by psychologists or doctors (unless they played one on TV) and was not administered by trained staff.  It simply isn't psychologically sound to encourage the verbal and emotional barrage of abuse that occurred there, not to mention the coersion, contrived experientials that were designed to manipulate your psyche, and the outright lies and manipulations to parents.  

Moreover, ethical therapeutic boundaries are an essential component of therapist-client relationships, and let's face it--the staff at CEDU were not complying.   They were working out their shit on us, giving us a blow by blow of their "formerly" fucked up life, while we are supposed to feel safe with them.   No, these elements are not conducive to promoting emotional well being.  It's really not difficult to see.

Also--it's not really "over"--many of these places still exist, unregulated.   Who cares what happens years ago? Maybe. But I do care still happens today.
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Offline Anonymous

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alright
« Reply #18 on: January 23, 2007, 09:05:54 PM »
you know.....especially to blownawaytheidahoway......i left cedu after getting kicked out and went on with my life. i went backa nd visited dennis docksteader who i still think is one of the coolest human beings in the world....
i left and just went on with my life. glad to be home, a little sad to not have graduated with my "class" but neverthless, happy to be home.
t never occurred to me that people had such a hard time with it. it never occurred to me that it could really possibly be a cult. it never occurred to me that something might have really been wrong with the adults calling ME a slut and telling me horrible things about myself and that maybe it WASNT just me. anyway, just thought id mention it.
also, I still want to know what "suspect" means?? if youd like to know my full CEDU story id be happy to tell you.
and why do i show up here 15 years later............

i didnt even know this thing exsited until yesterday. (and its been 17 years)
and also, like i said, i just left and went on with my life. occasionally missed my friends from there, sometimes thought of strange things, random things..but mostly people...but i never even thoguht about it. not for YEARS. then i found this site. now it makes me think.
but i knew i didnt like it, but i just left after getting kicked out and just, well, lived. almost essentially forgot all about it. just knew thatit did do some good for me. but IT didnt do that, I did.
anyway, if youd like to know more details of the runaways after the summit just let me know..
id be happy to share.
THIS IS WRITTEN TO BLOWNAWAYTHEIDAHOWAY
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Offline Anonymous

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Super
« Reply #19 on: January 23, 2007, 09:37:09 PM »
I wrote the post addressed to the first poster ... sorry can't get my password working here to log in.)

You know what? That's what happened to me.  I never spoke about it, and 17 years later came to this site on a random google.  I thought about it often, but I split, too, and was persona non grata to my former peers.  (Staff saw to this.) I knew it was a fucked up experience, but I also internalized it in negative ways, and could not discuss it with anyone back home.   No one would relate.  (All my former friends thought I went to boarding school.  A regular one.)

So--I had no one to shoot the shit with about this UFO experience, and on a lark, I was thinking about it, googled it, and came to Fornits.  The earlier postings here were very intense and more analytical and disturbing (it kind of fell part to banal crap by recent graduates--sorry.) When I first came here, I was addicted... I consumed everything and it really helped validate my feelings and work through what I didn't know I needed to work through.  

It was always in my subconscious and I had nightmares for 17 years (whenever I'm stressed) about being put back there.  So, I'm glad I could exorcise it--discuss it with people who shared the experience and assimilate it better.

I've been MIA for over a year from this site, but its getting interesting again, and I'm doing my Master's on this, most likely.

Anyway, I recommend looking at some posts from the beginning... some are illuminative.   (From a few years ago.)

Shanlea. (That's Helen to our friend, Blown.)
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Offline try another castle

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Cedu
« Reply #20 on: January 23, 2007, 10:55:57 PM »
Hi Shanela!! I've been wondering where you've been.  :wave:

Superwoman, I know your name isn't maynard. It's a turn of phrase. Like "What's up, maynard?" "Sounds like a plan to me, maynard." Anyway, just wanted to clear that up. Didn't want you to think I was calling you out.

Quote
i think that my personality was the kind that benefited from being there because ofthe process i went thru inside myslef as a result of being taken out of the extremely self destructive environment that i was in. i think someone with a different personality, maybe like yours, someone who likes their life the way it was/is, whatever that may be, well then i dont think its for them.


So.. because you were self-destructive, you felt the program helped? A lot of teenagers are self-destructive. I know I had some self-destructive issues. (suicide attempts, can't get more self-destructive than that) and I don't embrace the program. How do you account for this? You talk about personality. What kind of personality, in your opinion, makes someone pro-program?

Quote
but for someone who wanted to change and just didnt know how, it was good.

We all changed because of CEDU. None of us can regain that. What is it about your change makes you feel that it was beneficial? I know you said you went to college. So did I. (B.F.A. with honors.) Yet I do not embrace the program. I know one thing, I certainly didn't get into college because of CEDU's crappy academics. I got into college IN SPITE of it. I got in because I was smart, and I have a suspicion you did, too. To what do we inappropriately credit CEDU with, and what do we avoid making connections about? (i.e. nightmares, sexual dysfunction, personality disorders, intimacy issues, easily startled, socialization issues, OCD, [I believe you mentioned that] etc.)

I'm not saying all of our problems are CEDU's fault. I'm saying that some levels of dysfunction can be attributed to it, and sometimes we don't realize that.

Another thing you said in your original post caught my eye.
Quote
It's the ONLY way that would have worked.


How do you know this? Are you clairvoyant? Dead, insane or in jail?

Maia Szalavitz wrote about a study on the "success" rates of programs, vs. no placement, and she found NO DIFFERENCE. (Boot camps vs. juvvie, and Synanon vs. no treatment.) The rates were similar for both. The only difference is, one group comes out with trauma and additional baggage.

You talk about overdosing 3 times, and getting into trouble when you got out. (I think that's what you meant, at least.) You justify it by saying that you knew you could have it different, and that CEDU taught you that. Yet you chose not to, which is entirely your right. You eventually pulled yourself together. Are you certain it's because of CEDU that you did this? If it was, then how come it didn't happen right away after you got out? How come you didn't "set the world on fire"? as it were. What made you descend into self-destructive behavior? What happened to your "contract"?

Anyway, I agree with blownaway. The fact that you ran away and got kicked out after the summit is interesting.

It seems, from my viewpoint at least, that there are two conflicting outlooks you have that are vying for compromise, even though they are diametrically opposed and are pretty much mutually exclusive to each other. It's almost like I hear two people talking.

I hear that a lot in here. I've done it myself.
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Offline Anonymous

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Cedu
« Reply #21 on: January 23, 2007, 11:23:12 PM »
Quote from: ""try another castle""
[
Another thing you said in your original post caught my eye.
Quote
It's the ONLY way that would have worked.

How do you know this? Are you clairvoyant? Dead, insane or in jail?


Anyway, I agree with blownaway. The fact that you ran away and got kicked out after the summit is interesting.


I hear that a lot in here. I've done it myself.


so, when i say it is the only way it wouldve worked i am talking about myself. and yes, i am quite intuitive when it comes to knowing myself...but for me, being pulled out of the environment i was in and given a chance to do some analyzing about me and what i was doing and where i was going helped. i couldve been put on any maountain at all. it just happened to have been in rnning springs......i hated it when i was there. but aftre i left, i tell you, it seemed that i  learned a lot about myself. i didnt say i was pro program because it helped me. i dont think it was nice to call me a slut and hurt me in fornt of other people. BUT FOR ME, something about the harshness worked for me. however i would never do those things to another person, nor would i ever consent to my son being in that environment. no i am not dead or insane or in jail and that is not necessary Castle.
what is so different about me? i dont understand what is so two sided?
and what is so wierd about us splitting after the summit????? why do you guys think that? i knnow some poeple in the peer group above mine and they turned 18 after the summit and then left.
we were just done.
why is that wierd???
anyway........i just dont understand why its wierd...maybe it was more normal earlier (i get the feeling a lot of you guys are more newly there than i, in 1990).....
:) thanks for the conversation...
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Offline try another castle

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Cedu
« Reply #22 on: January 23, 2007, 11:45:05 PM »
Quote
BUT FOR ME, something about the harshness worked for me.


What do you think that something is?


As for the dead insane or in jail thing, sorry I didn't specify. That is a term programs use to convince parents to place their children. "Your kid is going to be dead, insane or in jail." Sometimes people who graduate say that "I would have been dead insane or in jail." I wasn't specifying that  you were headed that way. I was echoing the mentality of thinking someone is going to be worse off without the program than with.

Maybe two sided was the wrong word, because it sounds schizophrenic, which is certainly not my impression of you. Based on what you have written, there seems to be a conflict of opinions. I guess that's all I was trying to say.


And yes, I do think it is interesting that you split after the summit. I think it is interesting when anyone splits after the summit, if they believed in the program at that time. (It's another thing entirely if they don't.) You're almost done, why not ride it out? It's only a few more months.

Anyway, you said you were from '90. I'm '87-'89. Hi.
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Offline Anonymous

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hi
« Reply #23 on: January 23, 2007, 11:54:35 PM »
well hello 87-89! if i ever gave the impression that i loved being there or that i loved the program while i was there, i never meant to. its just that after been gone for 17 years i just never thought of it being so terrible. as i look back i think "oh yea, that helped me" and you ask what about it did? i dont know. i am sorry but i dont know. id have to really think about it. but like i said, i couldve been put on any mountain, it just happened to have been in running springs.
and i dont know that i believed in the program so to say while i was there, but what i do know is that i was thrumy summit, hella dirty, more was expected of me and i couldnt live up to it, and we were all popping off in our dorm and then we decided we needed a cigarette. so we left. 11pm. crawled thru the woods into town. got some scary freak to buy us some cigs and take us to his house. we were gone for 3 days. "they" the men in black, found us at the greyhound station.....brought us back. we were all locked in a different room for a da or two, then we were all shipped off. sent home. it had nothign to do with anything. and it wasnt even months until grad, it was WEEKS!
yea, go figure.... bratty kids.... need everything right when they need it. those damn cigarettes!!
:)
thanks 87-89!
i bet i know who you are bu the way. i was there in 89...for 10 months of that year.
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Offline try another castle

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Cedu
« Reply #24 on: January 24, 2007, 12:15:03 AM »
I was at RMA, so we never would have known each other.


I seem to be really lousy at wording things, because I didn't mean that I felt you embraced the program entirely. I felt that your opinions about the "pros" were... interesting.

The whole: "Hated the place, yet felt like I learned something. Don't know why other people aren't over it like I am." That thing.
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Offline Antigen

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Re: Cedu
« Reply #25 on: January 24, 2007, 01:00:55 AM »
Quote from: ""superwoman""
.I CAN CLIMB A FRICKEN MOUTAIN!!!! who wouldve thought?


Anybody who had ever met another human being. Just ask any Bolivian you may chance to meet.
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"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
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Offline Antigen

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Re: Cedu
« Reply #26 on: January 24, 2007, 01:15:58 AM »
Quote from: ""superwoman""
and i know this was a good place for Kim
Quote
WHO WAS MY BEST FRIEND, whom by the way is dead and I DONT APPRECIATE YOU USING HER FULL NAME ON THIS SITE


So then...what's the problem?
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Offline Antigen

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Re: borrowed post
« Reply #27 on: January 24, 2007, 01:34:14 AM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
Don't trust anyone or get close to anyone again in any real, meaningful way, because they will exploit you,


Is that so wrong? I mean, really... to trust someone one inch further than that would be to place them above you. And that's not trust, that's just plain old, garden variety intimidation. Only equals can treat.
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"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
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Offline Antigen

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Re: Cedu
« Reply #28 on: January 24, 2007, 02:17:52 AM »
Quote from: ""superwoman""
and by the way, a lot of the theorys there were based on actually psychological principals and exercises developed by great doctors thru time.


yeah, I sort of half believed that too when I had to. But it's been decades. You haven't been curious enough to chek? Still???

Butch up!
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"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
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Offline try another castle

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Cedu
« Reply #29 on: January 24, 2007, 06:54:18 AM »
Quote
Butch up!


What an excellent turn of phrase. That's going in my own personal lexicon for sure.
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