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Author Topic: Bringing TB to the UK or vice versa?  (Read 6222 times)

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Offline exhausted

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Bringing TB to the UK or vice versa?
« Reply #30 on: December 28, 2006, 03:32:53 PM »
I don't need to go to a program to suffer to help my kids.....I am doing that staying at home!

I'd be quite happy for someone to hand me a tazer gun, that way i could zap my kids into submission - no ones going to carry on with the same behaviour after being tazered a few times right?
A cheap alternative to program abuse, stay indoors and dish it out yourself  :lol:

By the way, I don't want to speak too soon, but my boys are starting to come in at night and are even pulling their weight a little, although they are actually coming upstairs after telling them several times, still whinging and moaning that I want them to go to bed, they are coming round to the idea that they are going to go to bed regardess, we've been spending a lot of time together, everyone's been coming in for meals, we've been sititng at the table together eating, talking, sharing our days stories and even sharing a joke or two

This may seem like little things to you guys but it is actually a big big major difference to how it was - small improvements, but improvements nonetheless, I want to keep this up until it becomes comon practise for us as a family and then move on to other difficuties until they become par for the course too - long may it reign
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Offline Nihilanthic

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Bringing TB to the UK or vice versa?
« Reply #31 on: December 28, 2006, 03:37:57 PM »
The batteries would wear out, you would most likely relent after hearing a blood curdling scream from your own child (as you're clearly not program parent material...) and then they'd turn it back on you, or just hit you.

Shit, I would! And I doubt you'd want to know how creative I know how to be with electrostim  :rofl:

But yeah, to me, a family coming together and someone practicing a little "mom-fu" as someone here says, and showing some confidence, is a very good thing. Broken families hurt people for a long time in a lot of ways, and not just immediate emotional ones.

I'd know. Mine is.
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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Anonymous

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Bringing TB to the UK or vice versa?
« Reply #32 on: December 28, 2006, 06:47:56 PM »
Quote
I'd be quite happy for someone to hand me a tazer gun, that way i could zap my kids into submission - no ones going to carry on with the same behaviour after being tazered a few times right?


Thin ice, lady.
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Offline Anonymous

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Bringing TB to the UK or vice versa?
« Reply #33 on: December 28, 2006, 06:57:12 PM »
You know what the real irony here is?

Parents don't need to send their kids away, use a stun gun on them, or starve them into compliance.

They simply need to remind their kids that IF they get sent to a wilderness therapy program or one of the BM warehouses, or therapeutic boarding schools, they could come out WORSE than when they went in because of the abuse.

That's usually all it takes to scare kids into walking a straight line until they are old enough not to have to worry about being MOMMY or DADDY mandated into an abusive program/school.

Trust me, most kids don't need to be sent away and those that do, ultimately find their way into treatment one way or another.  The best thing a parent can do is love their kids enough to go the extra mile with them.  Being a kid isn't easy when your parents aren't emotionally mature enough to be a parent.  Kids want rules so they have some sort of basis for pushing the envelope.  That's normal teenage behavior.  Kissing mommy and daddy's ass as a means for avoiding incarceration in a private lock-down facility isn't.  It's proof positive that the parents are control freaks, IMO.
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Offline Nihilanthic

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Bringing TB to the UK or vice versa?
« Reply #34 on: December 28, 2006, 06:58:30 PM »
I never wanted rules, I still don't... I want to get out and do stuff but obligations and responsibility prevent me from doing so.

Speak for yourself!
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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Anonymous

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Bringing TB to the UK or vice versa?
« Reply #35 on: December 28, 2006, 07:10:49 PM »
Let me better clarify "rules".  

Kids want structure in their home lives, not chaos caused by out of control parents.  Rules are part of a structured home life.  Curfews being the one rule that most often comes to mind.  Instead of obeying their curfew on Friday night, the kid parties into the wee hours with his friends and pays the consequences later.  That's the way it worked in my youth.  I looked forward to dinner with my folks and then sneaking out to party with my buds after I did my homework and any chores I had to do.  I knew I was breaking "the rules" but hell, a kid's gotta do what he's gotta do.  Somehow I made it through adolescence without driving my parents over the edge or ending up in one of these hellhole programs.  Guess I just knew how to play the game without tripping the wire, I don't know.  But rules (structure) as opposed to chaos caused by out of control demanding bully drug abusing parents or worse, indifference caused by parents who are not involved in their child's lives,  is what kids need and want in my experience. I'm probably not expressing my opinion very well, maybe someone else can explain what I mean?
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Offline Nihilanthic

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« Reply #36 on: December 28, 2006, 07:15:28 PM »
I had a set of clingy parents who treated me like I was about 10 years younger than I was and had to constantly just give them lip service and go out and "grow" and "thrive" and "spread my wings" and "develop" in spite of them, instead of becuase of thier rules to give me 'structure'.

And, go figure, I can set up rules for myself on my own surprisingly well! I dont drink too much, I don't speed when I drive, I dont drive stupidly, I don't waste money.

Ho hum...

Don't speak for everybody  :P
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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #37 on: December 28, 2006, 07:24:12 PM »
Well, I can see your point Niles.  Clingy parents who insist upon infantalizing (sp) their children are really in need of counseling themselves.  It's emotional abuse, IMO.  I am speaking for myself, as I knew a kid whose parents wouldn't let him get a driver's license until he was 18 and in college.  Fucking ridiculous, if you ask me. My point is based on my own experience counseling troubled teens, most of them expressed a longing for what they considered to be a more structured family life.  It wasn't the rules they objected to.  It was "chaos" and feeling emotionally neglected. Sorry if I offended to, it was not my intention. I won't post any further on this topic as I think I have said what I wanted to say.
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Offline Nihilanthic

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Bringing TB to the UK or vice versa?
« Reply #38 on: December 28, 2006, 07:25:09 PM »
Not everyone is the same round hole so don't force round pegs?
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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Covergaard

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My children would not until they are 18
« Reply #39 on: December 29, 2006, 01:49:26 AM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
.  I am speaking for myself, as I knew a kid whose parents wouldn't let him get a driver's license until he was 18 and in college.  Fucking ridiculous, if you ask me.


My children won't drive until they are 18. That is not my decision. That is the law. We have chosen to introduce sex and alcohol before we give people the right to drive a car.

Sex is legal from an age of 15. Alcohol is by code of conduct something parents introduce for the child after the confirmation (In the old days, children was sent out to serve in farms - 150 years ago - so they were adults. It is not so today, but this part of the tradition still exist.). When they turn 16 they can get an ID-card at the town hall, so they don't have to get the parents to by their alcohol or tobacco.

Then they have two years to show to their parents that they can manage to enjoy alcohol in a civil manner. A drivers license in Denmark is rather expensive so most parents finance it (+1000 dollars). Of course no parents will finance a driver licens if the child could loose it very easily (Our limit is 0,05), so most children goes trough a period of adjustment before they settle.

This year we have lost about 315 people in traffic, which is the lowest number since 1950. So it does work to release access to alcohol BEFORE access to the car.
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Offline Truth Searcher

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« Reply #40 on: December 29, 2006, 07:04:29 AM »
Europe does decidedly do things differently than we do in the States.  I think that it is easier for kids in Europe to get their driving privileges later due to your wonderful mass transit systems.  Kids don't need their own wheels to get to school, jobs, clubs, shopping, etc.  But here is the states (unless you live in a big city) mass transit does not exist.  

I do applaud the European tradition of allowing children to drink alcohol.  I think we create a certain taboo about alcohol in this country.  I have been a parent who has allowed underage drinking in my home *gasp* - only for my own children of course.  My thought has always been that I would rather my kids initially drank beer under my roof (so I can be sure that they don't get in a car) than out with peers unsupervised.  It has worked well for my kids ... they seem to be very responsible drinkers.
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quot;The test of the morality of a society is what is does for it\'s children\"

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Offline Oz girl

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« Reply #41 on: December 29, 2006, 07:49:28 AM »
Actually Truth Searcher, i was the child of one of those homes which was pretty laid back about underage drinking. i cant say that it prevented the binge drinking phase. It also did not prevent any of the usual lies- really i just had 2 drinks but i didnt eat lunch.

 But I think in the long run it did promote responsible habits particularly with regard to drink driving. Usually I knew that if i did drink i could call my parents and get a ride home or be provided with Cab fare. I also knew that if i was caught drink driving my car would be sold. It meant that when i was behind the wheel I took the responsiblity seriously.
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n case you\'re worried about what\'s going to become of the younger generation, it\'s going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.-Roger Allen

Offline Nihilanthic

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« Reply #42 on: December 29, 2006, 05:27:21 PM »
Easiest way to be a responsible drinker = be a beersnob!

You can't AFFORD to be some beer guzzler, and for that matter, why would you want to if it actually tastes good?
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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #43 on: December 30, 2006, 12:55:46 AM »
I think parents should take their kids to AA meetings starting when the kids is very young. It really is never too early to prevent your child from becoming an alcoholic or drug addict. The disease runs in familes, so if parents are alcoholics the child should be expected, and taught that they will also be an alcoholic/addict when they grow up. They should become comfortable with the 12 steps at a young age. It's never too early.
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Offline exhausted

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« Reply #44 on: December 30, 2006, 02:15:11 PM »
What?

So you can convince your kids they are alcoholics before they really are? That just doesn't make sense, just because genetically you are likely to become an alcoholic, it doesn't mean you will be, would you tell a girl to have a mastectomy at age 12 because all of her female relatives died of breast cancer? no - she is more at risk than someone who doesn't have the same breast cancer strikes in the family but this is taking prevention rather than cure too far.

My boys are at very high risk of developing serious drink problems, but I have no intention of dragging them off to a therapist to convince them that's what will happen, many many problems such as these are also learnt behaviour, imo it would be better to educate them that it's not a wise move and let them make their decisions based on what they know ...what next? drug rehab for kids who have grown up around heroin addicts? Anger managent for kids who have grown up in violent homes? This is absolutely ridiculous - kids are sent to programs because they hang out with friends their parents don't like or dress the way their parents dont like, or aren't getting the grades their parents want them to get, so what do you do? Send them to programs in case they choose the decisons the parents don't see fit?

get a grip for goodness sake.
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