This cold weather has something to do with our cabin fever.
Its not that he doesnt want to spend time with us. We play family games. Hang out and watch TV together. Hes fun to be around. But when asked to do anything. He turns into a rude, hurtful person yelling at us. Punching holes in walls and throwing things. Ripping picture frames off the walls etc.
Now, if you can't gain cooperation, how will a program? What methods will they employ to do so?
He's exhibiting extremely anti-social behavior. It's a bad habit that you've allowed him to develop. He doesn't need to be drugged for a bad habit. What are the consequences for breaking things and punching holes in the walls?
In my house, he would be responsible for replacing the things he breaks. It will require some creativity and a little assistance on your part, but he needs to be earning money that he can 'loose' when this happens. Assigning an arbitrary punishment (grounding) is indirect and teaches nothing specific to the situtation.
Same with the holes in the walls. You take him to the hardware store, he purchases the necessary items to repair the holes, and with your assistance, he repairs them.
I'd first try the 'giving perspective' approach. Make a list of all the things that have to be done in order for the house to run well. Check off everything you do that he can't, including, working in order to pay the bills. Grocery shopping, cooking, trash, laundry, cleaning, mowing, shoveling snow, etc. All household members make unpaid contributions, so ask him to select the one's he'll be responsible for, in addition to cleaning his own room.
Not negotiable, as it wouldn't be with a roommate. Would you allow a roommate to skate by with no contribution? I doubt it. If he doesn't select, then you select for him. And then you must be prepared to follow through.
Anytime we do for someone else what they can do themselves, we create an invalid- so-called 'entitlement' issues. Don't do this to you son.
I guess I need to let it go. But I just cant get over the feeling that my wife and I are slaves for our kids. My wife has back problems and I have wrist Tendonitis and ligement damage and we are out shoveling snow. It just pisses me off big time! And at those moments I want to kick his ass up and down the block.
You're not a victim to your child. You may lack a backbone and persistence, but you can change that, if cooperation and assistance is what you're seeking.
Kicking his ass up and down the block, as I'm sure you're aware, will only incite more rebellion and 'teaches' nothing, except violence, something he obviously doesn't need more of.
