Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Facility Question and Answers

Father and son WC

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Badad:
New here.
  Im a father of a 14 year old boy who reminds me of myself.  Except I was already a major pot head at 11 years old.  I Hated anyone with authority.  Planned on a career of selling drugs and corruption blah blah  blah . Was emancipated at 17.  And have completely fucked my life up.  My sisters are doctors.  Im a blue collar looser.

So you say I should never have become a father?  I agree.    But whats done is done..  Right?  I love him regardless.

After researching WC's it sounds like "I" need the reality check for even thinking about this.  So where do I go to get MY ass kicked, humiliated, abused and reminded how big of a dirtbag I am?  Somewhere where my son could even watch?

Would he then forgive me for the abusive things I have said and done?  Maybe.. Would I?

Is there a WC that both of us could attend and benefit from? Because after reading here.  I would never send him anywhere alone.  Some where that teaches character building, family values and Self esteem.  And in a beautiful remote area?

Or should I just take him and go alone?

Oz girl:
Do you have anything in common with the boy? A like of a mutual sport or something? Perhaps you could follow that together or play. Even if it is just a casual kick of the footy in the park. Make it a regular standing activity.

You said you work in a blue collar industry. Are you good mechanically? If it is the boy's thing then mabey you could fix up and work on an old bomb of a car together.

Or you could see whether he has an interest in some sort of trade and perhaps he could get a part time job in a related industry. If he has a stubborn independent streak this may help him to feel like more of a man. Getting a pay packet every week is a real motivator for some kids.

Or you could look at some kind of outward bound type programme. they have an option to go on that as a family in the US Below is a link you can look at.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. A total loser would not even be involved in the kids life or would take the easy option of sending him off to a wlderness hell hole without really looking into it to "save his life". It sounds like in spite of your unruly youth you grew up to be ok. Perhaps you could do with more confidence. After all you are a role model for the kid. He does not need to hear that his nearest male influence has such a low opinion of himself. Try and dwell on what you are doing right as a dad

http://outwardboundwilderness.org/pages ... num=KBF721

Deborah:
Great suggestions OG.

If you're going to consider OB or any other wilderness experience, even if you attend with him, atleast read this thread so you have a heads up on potential dangers. Don't let your common sense be overridden by program policy.

Outward Bound
http://www.fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.ph ... ck&start=0

Badad:
Thanks People.

I'm in Iowa.  But I want to look for a warmer climate and stunning scenery for winter break maybe.

 I work in "the dungeon."  Its a state job. Loud ,and full of chemicals and back stabbers. No windows and a shiester boss. I could go on and on.  But again. I blame myself for not pursuing a professional career when I was young.  I was to busy getting stoned.  I'm stuck there.  I have bills to pay but it does have good benefits. Health and retirement. I am good with my hands and math.  I like to work on my house and hobbies.  Remote control boats, gliders,choppers etc. My son thinks it boring.  Unless we strap a gun on it.

I bought a house in a nice part of town because of the school district.  But I had to buy a fixer-upper to afford it.  My house is my second job.  Another thing I blame myself for.  I should have bought a condo and signed my life away so I could have spent more time with my family.  But I didn't and still have allot of work to do. But I owe nothing.  My son thinks its boring to help dad and would rather spend hours playing his Xbox.  Maybe if I offer to pay him?  But I always thought that I shouldn't pay for chores.

Things in common.   We both like to play the drums.  He is sounding good. I played in many bands.  That was my goal when I was young. I spent allot of time playing and it was fun.  But I never "became a rock star" like I wanted.  Another thing I blame myself for.  If I would have spent that time pursuing a professional career..

So it feels like I have dug myself into a hole.  Or painted myself into a corner.

I will look into the outward bound programs.

Thanks again.

Anonymous:
I'm not even sure what, if anything, is really wrong with him in the first place.

 You can do a fair bit of kicking yourself for considering WCs, but you weren't crazy enough to go through with it so don't kick yourself too hard.

Going out into the wilderness for a few weeks with him might end up being worthwhile. Hell, it might even be an adventure. But it's not going to bring you closer together and it's not going to fix anything. Why would it? What are these mystical healing properties that this sort of thing is supposed to achieve?

Odds are, you take him out into the wilderness and you're just going to remind him why he'd rather not be with you. You take him out to the middle of boring-ass nowhere for a few weeks and then take him home to his Xbox and his friends and yeah, he's probably going to regret ever going with you. I don't know him, so I'm going to make a generalized guess at what most kids are likely to say: "Wow, that was a waste of time. Dad's getting weird. I better stay away from him."

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