Maybe you fucktards can read her blog the way SHE wrote it and NOT the way it was presented on this thread. I took the time to read it-ALL of it. Show me a family that does not struggle with young adults!
another mom
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
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Please Pray for my Family...we all need it!
Overwhelming Sadness today…
July 23, 2008
Wednesday – 8:00am
It is with deep regret that I report that 8 month old Jayden (1st great grandchild in our family) has passed and now sleeps with the angels and at God’s home in heaven.
This little girl has spent the last 4 ½ months in the pediatric ICU – first at Northridge Hospital and then on to Cedar Sinai Medical Center. Jayden had undergone so many surgeries and there were times that our family thought we might lose her, but her will to survive prevailed.
When she finally had the open heart surgery, we were optimistic that she was finally on the road to wellness and coming home. To everyone’s surprise, the doctors and nurses decided Jayden was strong enough to go home with oxygen, last Friday. She didn’t get discharged until very late…like 9-10pm, but it didn’t matter…Jayden was going to her NEW HOME in Simi valley with her loving mother, Nikki!!
We were all so HAPPY and Nikki was planning an “open House” for this Sunday. I was fortunate and was able to speak to Nikki on Saturday and she sounded SO GOOD and happy that the worst part of this nightmare was over and she had her daughter home and in the safety of her arms – without all the wires, tubes, and other paraphernalia attached. Nikki and I spent a fair amount of time together while she was staying here when Jayden was at Cedars…she is much like her mother with that heart of gold. I only wish there was something I could do to ease the pain she must be feeling and enduring.
I am with you Nik and my prayers are for you and your family through this time of sadness and mourning.
xxoo ~pammy
Monday, July 21, 2008
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Progress and NOT Perfection!
July 21, 2008
Monday – 7am
Progress and NOT Perfection!
I must always be mindful that I cannot judge Dylan by ordinary standards. He grew up and lived in a very warped environment for almost 8 years; he was 7 then and I did not get him back until he was 15 years old. At 25, Taylor (Dylan’s sperm donor) was fully able to brainwash me and control every aspect of my life. At that time, I was a grown woman and could not resist him and even “I” really did not know what was happening at that time until it was too late! At 7 years old, Dylan never stood a chance!
So, I cannot judge Dylan by where I think he should be in his emotional development. Instead, I must look at how far he has come in the last 5+ years!! He is definitely not the boy that was so full of RAGE and resentments when he arrived here back in early 2003.
I am disappointed, but understand, that he does not want to continue therapy at the moment – Dylan and Stettner have hit what they call “a therapeutic impasse.” It happens, but he knows where to go if he needs help and she would not slam the door in his face if he was standing there asking for help.
He was coming close to really having to “do the work” in order to the resolve some of his CORE issues; my gut tells me he is terribly fearful of walking down that road with/without a therapist to guide him. It is okay with me if he needs a break from therapy.
Pam, on the other hand, needs and wants the therapy and her 2 hour weekly sessions with Stettner! It kills me when I can’t make my appointments with her due to work load or other issues. She “grounds” me and I feel tethered to something stable and strong. Nothing short of an earthquake or something along those lines that will keep me away from my appt tomorrow!!! I only missed last week, but it feels like I have missed a MONTH of sessions with her!! I feel grateful that she is willing to continue to see me on a regular basis and not focused completely on Dylan and/or my relationship with him. I can’t fix HIM, but I CAN make sure that my therapeutic needs are met so I can be a strong and supportive parent in healthy ways and not through enablement.
On the health front…
I have exciting news…Dr. Patel called me over the weekend and gave me the results of latest echo cardiogram – normal lab values for fluid around the heart is between 15-50ml – my last test showed me at 48ml…yeah Pam!! I was over 100 when first discovered. I was very happy to hear the good news. I have been on oral steroids for about a month and a half which treats the problem but has awful side effects. Now that the lab value is good, he will start slowly weaning me off the Prednisone with the hope that the decrease in steroids do not cause the fluid to build up again. He will be closely monitoring me. He also said that my lymphocytes are within normal range…this in itself is a rarity and more good news!
I still have very little appetite and rely on the Ensure and other nutritional supplements to keep me from losing more weight – NEVER in a million years would I have imagined that I would actually be trying to GAIN weight! I have been able to keep my weight above 120lbs this month. I need to be somewhere between 125-130lbs to maintain my health, strength and stamina.
Welcome to a new week…
~pam
