psy,
I know that the "dead r' in jail" mantra is often quoted by those who advocate the use of programs and also by those who ridicule the decisions made by some grieving parents.
In our daughter's case, she was a danger to herself. I don't want to turn my post into a novel, so I will distill it down to the essentials.
Our child (one of 3) started exhibiting signs of mental illness around preschool age. We found a child psychiatrist and therapists at a local university medical center. She remained in therapy for about 4 years. A complete neuro-psych evaluation determined depression and parasomnia (sleep disorder). My husband and I were peaceful
attentive, and loving parents. Loving and involved extended family. No history of familial mental illness. No evidence of abuse or molestation of our daughter.
Fast-forward to age 12. On an overseas trip with grandparents and cousins, she is molested by an older teenage boy. The hell begins. Despite the entire family rallying around her with love and support, and despite finding the best local therapist who specializes in sexual abuse and trauma recovery, our daughter spins out of control.
She starts fondling and giving blow jobs to boys in 7th grade. She leaves the house in the middle of the night and hitchhikes with strangers. (Yes, we installed a security system). Gets beaten up, raped and prostituted out when she walks off with strangers at age 14. From 12 to 14 she is in outpatient therapy and is admitted to a
local adolescent mental health care facility off and on, sometimes for one week, sometimes for 3 weeks at a time.
One summer she disappeared for 9 days. We live in the rural Midwest where the corn grows very high by August. Almost every year when the corn is harvested a partially decomposed body is found. We were absolutely certain that our daughter's body would be found under those circumstances given her tendancy to walk off
with men who were strangers to her. When we found her, she had lost 10 pounds, was covered in bruises, and spent 5 days in the hospital with an IV. Didn't seem to faze her. As soon as she got home she started contacting the men who had abused her. She admitted to her therapist at a TBS that the plan was for her to rejoin
one of them, drive to Tennessee, and prostitute to feed his heroin addiction.
I've said enough. I think you get the picture. We tried to keep her safe, but our state's ONLY long-term inpatient mental health facility had a waiting list of 8 months. Yeah, we took drastic action or we were going to lose her forever.
Right now she is 19 years old, a sophomore in college, and on the Dean's list. It was in her RTC where she was finally diagnosed with bi-polar ll. Wonder of wonders, she was prescribed lithium with an anti-depressant and started to feel like a human being again.
Our daughter still struggles with several issues surrounding her mental illness and sexual abuse. She probably always will. But she is alive and moving forward.
Our daughter, my husband and myself have had many long conversations about the merits and drawbacks of residential placement. We have all come to the conclusion that, for her, placement kept her physically safe while she continued her education and her brain matured. No more, no less. She didn't receive any magical, life-changing advice from any of the staff, and she didn't buy into the "program." She was just kept safe from herself.
