just a question

[amylynn]

I just found this site the other day, and I have to admit it has brought on a lot of painful memories for me. My parents pulled me out of Kids 13 years ago. I've since then thought I forgot about my horrible experience in that place. I never really explained to my parents what we all went through in there, and they too, seemed to forget about it. Truth is , I'm really upset. I was reading Rebbeca's story and thinking how sorry I felt for her, and how horrible that must have been for her. It was almost as if it was a story I was hearing about for the first time. Then it hit me. I was there too. I went through the same humiliation and pain as everyone else did in there. I guess I have a talent for repressing my own feelings, and it's become painfully obvious to me that I have, for the last 13 years, done just that. I spoke to my Mom about it , and she didn't seem overly interested in how I was feeling. I guess to her, it's in the past. I, however, now feel like I need to speak to both of my parents and let them know how hurt and kind of angry I am that I was put there in the first place. Does anyone have any advice for me? It's been a long time and I do need to deal with this, but I'm not sure how.

[zimbalist02]

I can relate to that all too well, and well for myself i find that repressing it is Not the way to go!We are all here for each other and so talking to anyone here on this site and any close friends would be very helpful.I'm here for you anytime you feel the urge. Always, DTC

Being sleepy can impair someone's ability to do thier job.  People
can sleep at home and come to the job with sleepiness still in their system. The sleepiness can still be there long after the employee has slept. When someone is found to be sleepy on the job, they can claim that they went to sleep the night before.  The only solution to this problem is to ban employees from sleeping.

--Arthur Slabosky

[amylynn]

Thank you. I appreciate your support. I don't want to do the" repressing thing" anymore. I guess I never realized until I found this site what a natural talent I have for it. :smile:

[Anonymous]

I found I needed to deal with it as well many years later.I found this site to be up-setting ,but helpful to deal with it all.I also went to a deprogramer in NJ and in CT for a while.

I find with my parents they deal with it in their own way. I think there is a lot of buried guilt on their part. In all fare ness I think if they saw what went on in group day in and out none of us would have been there so long. Everything was a secret. Is that funny or what....They pushed HONESTY sOOO much and there was so much BULLSHIT going on behind the sceans!Unreal

Glad you joined us :smile:

[Ms.P]

Amylynn,

I found your post perfectly articulated my own feelings about my captivity 10 years ago.  I also brought the topic up with my mother who said "let it go", but also mentioned that those people made her feel like she was in "1st grade in Catholic school".  To me that means she was bullied and that may explain why she doesn't ever want me to bring it up again (the fact it didn't work PLUS the $20,000 she wasted are, no doubt, contributing to that).

I found this site a couple of weeks ago and was eager to find some people I shared this experience with.  Fact is, my parents are never going to understand what happened to me there and no matter how much I force them to listen to- I will never fully forgive them and only manage to view them more as victims as time has worn on.  (Not to make it sound like I'm resentful or hateful-- we'll just never be on the same page about that chapter in my life.)  I found this site a few weeks ago and expect to be here for a while longer while I work the whole thing out.  I doubt I'll ever find a person to discuss this with face-to-face who will fully appreciate the hell I went through-- this is the best I'm going to get.  "Love ya Amylynn!"

I'm here if you need to talk.

Ms.P

[amylynn]

Thank You guys. I really do appreciate it. I've been thinking about the whole confronting my parents thing, and for now, I'm not going to do it. I don't want to sit there and blame them for me being upset about "the Hell hole" some 13 years later. (I am still a bit angry, though) Also, I know they were brainwashed as badly as we all were. I know what you mean though, Ms P, this site does tend to bring up a lot of bad memories. Kinda stinks when I'd done such a good job of not thinking about it anymore  :lol:
But I'm gonna stick around for a while and try to deal with it. Maybe by the time I feel I, (notice no "like")  :lol: don't need them to apologize or know all of the shit we all dealt with, I'll tell them. Then I'll just be venting, and not expecting anything. Thanks again for the support and if I can be of any help, just let me know. "Love you group". ( How scary was that every day!!!!)

[amylynn]

Oh, and by the way, what exactly is a deprogramer? I've never heard of them, but I'm thinking it couldn't hurt at this point.

[Anonymous]

THERE IS SOMEONE IN NJ THAT DEALS WITH PEOPLE JUST LIKE US !!!! sHE HAS COUNCLED MANY EX-KIDS MEMBERS AND I FOUND HER PRETTY WONDERFUL MYSELF.
SHE HAS BEEN EXPOSED TO HEARING A LOT OF OUR STORIES AND UNDERSTANDS A BIT MORE ABOUT WHAT WENT ON IN KIDS. I`VE GONE TO SOME COUNCLERS THAT WERE MORE FASCINATED BY WHAT I TOLD THEM AND THEY REALLY COULD NOT HELP ME. THIS LADY IN NJ HAS DELT WITH PEOPLE THAT HAVE COME OUT OF CULTS AND HELPS THEM TO UNDERSTAND SOME OF THE MIND CONTROL GAMES THAT ARE PLAYED.I ALSO SAW A MAN IN CT FOR A WHILE THAT I FOUND THROUGH THE"LEO JAMES RYAN INSITUNITE"HE WAS THE ONE THAT DIED AT THE "JAMES TOWN MASACI"THROUGH THAT ORGANSITION THEY CAN REFER SOMEONE TO HELP.THE GUY THAT HELPED ME WAS GREAT,HE GAVE ME SO MUCH INSIGHT.HE WOULD BE TAKING ABOUT CULTS THAT HE FOLLOWED AND THINGS THAT THEY DID AND I COULD TOTALLY UNDERSTAND IT , IT WAS WEIRD. I LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF AND WHY I DO THINGS THE WAY I DO THEM. I HAD TO REDISCOVER MYSELF,NOT THROUGH KIDS/NEWTONS EYES..BUT MY OWN. THAT WAS HARD. I HAD BECOME WHAT THEY HAD DICTATED FOR ME TO BE FOR ALL MY TEEN YEARS.[14-19]

OKAY I CAN`T SAY ANYMORE FOR NOW...THIS STARTS TO GET TO ME.I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY IN THE MORNING.MY BRAIN WON`T BEABLE TO SHUT OFF IF I KEEP THINKING OF THIS TONIGHT.

SWEET DREAMS TO YOU ALL  ::heart::

[Webmistress]

AMY!!  :wave:  Its so good to see you here.  It does suck sometimes at first when we find this site, and i try and warn everyone about it.  It brings up a lot of shit that none of us LIKE to deal with.  Hopefully this site has helped some people.  
I remember you and have thought of you often.  email me and I'll send u my number.  We have to talk!!!  i need to go to work or id talk more...email me!