Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Mission Mountain School

hello finally

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marilyn monroe:
just checking in, I had some trouble logging on but now I see that it was my fear holding me back:)  Toward the end of my 19 month stay at MMS I felt like such a sham because I was seriously telling them what they wanted to hear just to get the hell outta there. I had endured so much abuse at that point I felt programmed and literally would have shoved nails into my arms if they asked me to.  I was made to carry 30-40 lbs rocks in a back pack on my back everywhere,(and I do mean everywhere)  We were biking this time of year and on 30 mile bike rides they gave me horrible bruises on my back up and down my spine. When I threw down my rocks in  revolt, (a big thank you goes out to Melissa Rousch for revolting with me, the girl stood by me, she was the only one,) I got punished even worse with work crew. but at least I knew I tried to take a stand against my opersors.  In group we couldn't go to the bathroom when we wanted because it was "trying to escape our feelings" but I find out now I have an overactive bladder and that was never addressed.  Still till this day if there isn't a bathroom around  or I can't find one I have panic attakcs so bad.  They shamed me for hitting the snooze button on the alarm clock said it was a form of control, maybe it is but seriously how many people around the world hit the snooze button in the morning, it's fucking natural and they made it out like one of the seven dealy sins. I mean eveything was so exasserbated there.  I also want to say, a BIG fuck you goes out to John Mercer for victimizing me in group that bastard had no right, no right, to come down so hard on girls' that everytime he was in charge of group I would shake with fear, my voice would quiver when I spoke.  I mean I was already yellled at by my dad for 15 years what's another 19 months of it going to do?huh.  What a stupid,stupid,stupid man he was, is and will always be. I can't share anymore I'm so worked up, I feel for anyone who went there, is there and will go there.

Marm, you never deserved that. I love you and wish i could have proteceted you

Remember when Mike and John threw away that bear you drew for me?  I was so upset! They had taken from me so much already...then they tried to make our friendship seem bad f-d me up.

anyway, wish we had met under better circumstances- but our friendship was , hands down, the best thing to come out of MMS.  The best thing to come out of the first 20 years of my life, i would say.  

xo- kat

Is that Sara Marmanillo????????? I remember the rock thing too. I also remember her ability to sing opera. I am not quite sure how MMS could have such a lacking eduction in art or music. I left the school with a lack of knowledge in the basic fundamentals of music. I just remember that Sara's talent was definately neglected.

Oh, yea, and plus with the sex stuff, like the sh-t they pulled on Crissy and others.  Making being... I don't even know what word, feminine, bubbly, pretty, etc a sinful thing.   HORRIBLE!!!

I do belive they tried to take away anything that was feminie about any girl and squash it by not letting us shave(I understand the whole razor/cutter/ suicide thing but some of us were not suicidal or cutters), where make-up, get a haircut that we liked, or try to do anything nice for a facial scrub or a little mint julippe mask anyone??  I don;t know about any of you guys but when I paint my nails or give myself a pedicure I feel good about myself, like I did something positive for myslef. A little self care goes a long way and none of the people who worked there had any style what so ever.  I mean Collen and Deb I'm sorry but what was up with your style?  Just becuase you didn't know how to dress why make us all out to look like you?   They made us where those awful dresses to our own graduation that we worked so hard for. I was so pissed off. I still am when I look at those pictures.  Kat looks like she's in a moumou. Everyone looks like Collen and Deb for god's sake. I mean what girl doesn't like to play dress up it's, again ,natural and I felt like they were trying to supress that part about me.  I blow dry my hair I'm into make-up and clothes, and they took my clothes away from me and made me into this cookie cutter L.L.'Fucking' Bean shit.  I hated and HATE those clothes. I'm so happy now that I can ware my cute undies and black bra and not feel shamed like I'm some kind of crazed erotic nymphet for waring them.  :flame:


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