just checking in, I had some trouble logging on but now I see that it was my fear holding me back:) Toward the end of my 19 month stay at MMS I felt like such a sham because I was seriously telling them what they wanted to hear just to get the hell outta there. I had endured so much abuse at that point I felt programmed and literally would have shoved nails into my arms if they asked me to. I was made to carry 30-40 lbs rocks in a back pack on my back everywhere,(and I do mean everywhere) We were biking this time of year and on 30 mile bike rides they gave me horrible bruises on my back up and down my spine. When I threw down my rocks in revolt, (a big thank you goes out to Melissa Rousch for revolting with me, the girl stood by me, she was the only one,) I got punished even worse with work crew. but at least I knew I tried to take a stand against my opersors. In group we couldn't go to the bathroom when we wanted because it was "trying to escape our feelings" but I find out now I have an overactive bladder and that was never addressed. Still till this day if there isn't a bathroom around or I can't find one I have panic attakcs so bad. They shamed me for hitting the snooze button on the alarm clock said it was a form of control, maybe it is but seriously how many people around the world hit the snooze button in the morning, it's fucking natural and they made it out like one of the seven dealy sins. I mean eveything was so exasserbated there. I also want to say, a BIG fuck you goes out to John Mercer for victimizing me in group that bastard had no right, no right, to come down so hard on girls' that everytime he was in charge of group I would shake with fear, my voice would quiver when I spoke. I mean I was already yellled at by my dad for 15 years what's another 19 months of it going to do?huh. What a stupid,stupid,stupid man he was, is and will always be. I can't share anymore I'm so worked up, I feel for anyone who went there, is there and will go there.