Help for these parents? Fine:
Quit being self-absorbed. Quit expecting your home to be calm and quiet and nice. As long as your kid isn't physically assaulting someone else in the house, just be a goddam parent.
Quit working 60 hours a week and cut it back to 40. If you can't do that at your job, change jobs. If you can't do that in your field, change fields. If you can't do that in your town, move. That's hard? Wah. It's not all about you. Parenting is a responsibility, deal with it.
Quit being a hammer on your kid and start being a sympathetic ear.
Quit looking at your kid's 18th birthday as, "Oh my god, he's all screwed up and we're running out of time!" If you're thinking "we're running out of time" then no matter what your kid is doing, you're being a control freak and I want you to just let go. If the whole rest of society agreed with you that you should make decisions for your kid because he's just not ready to be grown, the laws would be set up that way, dumbass.
The law lets your kid make his own decisions at 18 no matter what you want him to do because of parents like you. Let go already.
If you think you've tried being a sympathetic ear to your kid and "it hasn't worked," then figure out how you're playing controlling mind games or guilt trips with your kid instead of being a genuinely sympathetic ear, and stop pulling that crap.
When you're a sympathetic ear to your teenager, you can say, sincerely, "Do you want advice on this, or would you rather not?" That does more good than all the lectures in the whole world.
If you push a clingy toddler away, she wants to cling more. If you hug and cuddle her to the point of just barely being overwhelming, she wants down.
If you lecture a teenager, the more you lecture, the less he listens. If you're a sympathetic ear and you gradually finagle it so that he learns that to get your advice he's going to have to come talk with you about his problems and ask for it, suddenly he wants a whole lot more of your advice.
(There are a number of reasons why this works, but I won't go into them.)
It's shade-tree, mom-fu psychology, not rocket science.
Get your shit together and quit being attention seeking, a martyr, self-absorbed, and over-controlling. Instead, start being a parent.
Works wonders.
Julie