Author Topic: When did adoelscence become a pathology  (Read 8696 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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When did adoelscence become a pathology
« Reply #30 on: June 17, 2006, 04:50:00 PM »
Actually, for this one I'm going to be a bit more detailed than that.

The problem, as I see it, is one of disbelief. He doesn't believe in you, doesn't believe in the psychiatrists. I'll bet dimes to dollars that he sees you as obstacles to his life.

The situation as it stands is untenable. He's going nowhere fast. The best advice is really just to let him go. You should encourage him to get a job and enter the real world as an adult. Yes, he'll survive the experience. Make it clear to him that if he does leave, he won't have to put up with you or any psychologists again.

Does he realize that he really can get in trouble with the law? This one is a lack of foresight, not just a problem of morality. The fact that he's stealing from his little sister- his little sister!- represents a serious problem of morality and you should make it clear that you're not going to abide that.

Have you considered getting him to read this thread? The fact that we're all here talking behing his back (as it were) is probably related to the reasons he doesn't trust you.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Deborah

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When did adoelscence become a pathology
« Reply #31 on: June 17, 2006, 05:59:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-06-17 12:39:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Is your suggestion that I make a prison cell out of his room so we can sleep at night? That would go over well with the fire chief. Or maybe you think we should stay up all night and make sure he doesn't leave - oh wait, that's right, he leaves anyway when I've caught him."


Just curious how you think programs prevent them from running? Many (most?) violate fire code by locking the windows, if the rooms even have windows. They have alarms on the doors and nightwatch.
And yes, all could be done at home. Why would you hire it done?
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?to ... t=10#14071
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Hidden Lake Academy, after operating 12 years unlicensed will now be monitored by the state. Access information on the Federal Class Action lawsuit against HLA here: http://www.fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?t=17700

Offline Anonymous

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When did adoelscence become a pathology
« Reply #32 on: June 17, 2006, 07:06:00 PM »
I agree to just let him go. Perhaps he is aware on some level that your desperation means that he will always be bailed out. He will either get his act together or he will learn the hard way. If he gets a job he may meet a whole new crowd of people, or he may realise that working for minimum wage is hard and thankless and he needs an education. Perhaps he is just not academicly interested so should be encouraged to look @ a trade (this worked for Jamie Oliver after all)

 Talk about the fact that you are always available to talk and he is always welcome to come home for dinner but if he wants to be an adult he needs to find a job and a place to live by himself and let him go. Set a specific deadline and follow through. Let him know that if he genuinely is willing to go back to some form of education & to stop with the criminal behavoiur he can live with you. I am not suggesting that he be cut out of the family if he does not comply because to me that is one of the worst things about some of the programmes.
But if he wants to follow a criminal path you cant stop him so just dont condone it. At the end of the day when kids reach their late teens their personalities cant be "changed"
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Oz girl

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When did adoelscence become a pathology
« Reply #33 on: June 18, 2006, 02:16:00 AM »
They also took the springs off the garage door, cut out a window and door, painted the floor, let us decorate with flourescent flowers, installed a black light, put in a record player and a pool table. They rarely had to wonder where we were. And all the neighborhood parents knew where THEIR kids were.

I cant agree with this more as a general parenting technique. I am one of 5 & there was never a time in my parents house when it was not full of kids. Because it was a large family anyway the fridges were always full of soft drink and food, There was always a sport happenning in the back yard and someone was always in the pool. Our friends were familiar faces and if their parents would drop by to pick them up there was usually a beer or a coffee on offer. Who knows? spending the programme fees on a pool and a whole lot of sporting equiptment when a kid is 10 may save everyone a lot of heartache years down the track.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
n case you\'re worried about what\'s going to become of the younger generation, it\'s going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.-Roger Allen

Offline Anonymous

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When did adoelscence become a pathology
« Reply #34 on: August 23, 2006, 10:35:51 AM »
This is where FFT (see thread elsewhere here) or MST (multisystemic family therapy) would be an excellent choice.  

Arresting the child is an insane idea-- with the drug laws here, he could be sent to jail for decades.  With a record, his odds of recovery are dramatically reduced.  Plus, the violence etc. of jail can produce increased drug use later.

Wilderness is no more likely to solve the problem than a re-run of psychiatric or addiction care is-- the older he gets, the more likely he is to change, and people will often "credit" the last thing tried with the success when what really happened is that he aged out.

Wilderness also has the problem of being poorly regulated and potentially harmful.

However, a practical suggestion re: the dealing.  he's gotta keep the stash somewhere. if you ensure that that is not your house, you will crimp that style.  

also, if he is endangering your younger kids, you have every right to protect them by expelling him from your home, whether to treatment or elsewhere.

patience and persistence is called for here-- and if you still feel you must resort to wilderness, ensure that you choose a program that allows maximum contact with the child, has the highest number of licensed professionals, doesn't shill for extended treatment in a "therapeutic" school afterwards (you'd be amazed at how many are aimed at recruiting into longer stuff), doesn't focus on "tough love," allows decent equipment and has a great reputation.

That said, there have been deaths in the programs with the best reputations and these deaths have been caused by assuming that kids' medical problems are 'fake' or 'manipulating.'

see helpatanycost.com for additional info.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Deborah

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When did adoelscence become a pathology
« Reply #35 on: August 23, 2006, 11:44:03 AM »
***You ever consider charging the kid rent, and make him cooking his own meals?

Oh, no, TSW.  :rofl:    That would be abusive.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Hidden Lake Academy, after operating 12 years unlicensed will now be monitored by the state. Access information on the Federal Class Action lawsuit against HLA here: http://www.fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?t=17700