http://menforjustice.net/cms/index.php? ... &Itemid=16Marriage can mean career slavery
(aka: A good paycheck can mean career slavery)
Anyone who says "Slavery is dead" clearly has not
contemplated the predicament of many American fathers.
Webster's defines slavery as "the state of being under
the control of another person." If the husband earns
enough to support both of them, he would be hard
pressed to make an argument to preserve equality, and
have her continue working as he does. If the wife
decides to stop working, the men who have been left
holding the financial bag find their options limited.
They may find themselves stuck in careers they hate,
or working for abusive exploitative management,
working excessively long hours, working in jobs that
are physically threatening, that have no growth
potential, enduring prolonged commutes, etc. At this
point, considering the corner he's been painted into,
he is often powerless to affect any change in his own
life. A husband may have been harboring delusions that
once the wife was able to return to work, he would
gain some flexibility to rectify some of the
shortcomings in his own career (For example, changing
careers or accepting a lower salary at a different
firm, in exchange for better hours, shorter commute,
and/or more fulfilling work, etc) But, a distinct
reality is that he will continue to shoulder the
financial responsibilities alone....A man's reward for
working hard and getting ahead is to become trapped
into his career, and shoulder the financial burdens of
a family alone. Does it pay to work hard anymore?
If she stops working, she may never work again.
(aka: Caveat Emptor)
There are many debates about the merits of a
stay-at-home mother vs. a working mother. My goal here
is to simply educate the man on the unseen risks he is
taking when he agrees to accept 100% of the financial
burden to allow his wife to stay at home. Again, an
informed decision is less likely to be one that is
later regretted.
Every parent will agree that staying home with a child
is back-breaking (and often mind-numbing) labor. Many
new fathers will concede that it is much easier to go
to work than to stay at home with several children.
However, the greatest imbalance in efforts and
contributions to a marriage can manifest once all the
children are of school age. The house is now empty
from 8am-3pm. The wife has 7 hours to herself, while
the kids are at school, and the husband is at work.
After a few years of hard work at home, many wives may
feel entitled to "kick back." The good husband
however, has worked those same years, has done his
50/50 of the housework, and is still working to
support the family once the kids are in school. He is
rarely afforded the same option to scale back his
daytime efforts.
What motivation does the modern wife have to return to
work? Very little. For several years now, the man's
salary has been enough to live on. (Otherwise, she
would have been working) Unless tight finances dictate
that she must return to work, the husband really has
little say in this matter. The wife can hide behind
many different excuses in order not to work, despite
having little to do from 7am-3pm:
"I'm busy with the housework"
It is easy to exaggerate the labors of daily
housework. Yet, how long does it take to throw clothes
into the wash, and remove them later? Vacuuming can be
done in 1 hour a week. Grocery is another hour per
week. A decent meal can be prepared in under an hour.
Does all this add up to 7 hours a day? Note: This lie
is not as persuasive as it may have been in the past,
b/c in an age of later marriage, many men are already
experienced in cooking & cleaning, and know what kind
of effort it entails. (Note that not every
stay-at-home-wife even does all these things.)
"I can't find a job"
She has been out of work too long, and therefore is
unable to find a job. This may be true, but many men
do not consider this risk when they agree to support
her while she "temporarily' stops working. (Hopefully,
now they will, and can make a more informed decision)
Also, many wives may use this as a scapegoat to
conveniently not even bother looking for any job.
(Below, I describe how this can even be used against
the husband in the event of divorce)
"It doesn't pay for me to work"
In the shortrun, the expenses of work (gas, lunch,
clothes) may not make it worthwhile for her to go back
to work. This may be true, but does this justify her
playing tennis, while the husband toils away? Many
couples may be too shortsighted on this matter.
Initially, the cost/benefit numbers may not be ideal,
but her returning to work will improve her job skills
and network of contacts. (More so than strolling
through the local mall every afternoon) Over time, as
her career gets back on track, and she becomes
qualified for better jobs, her salary should also
improve.
It should be duly noted that some working wives view
their salary as "personal spending money", and still
expect the man to pay all or most of the bills.
(What's mine is mine, and what's yours is ours.) Are
all women like this? No. Could this be your future
wife? Possibly.