Author Topic: Marraige is unnecessary  (Read 1423 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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Marraige is unnecessary
« on: June 05, 2006, 12:11:00 AM »
http://menforjustice.net/cms/index.php? ... &Itemid=16



Marriage can mean career slavery
(aka: A good paycheck can mean career slavery)

Anyone who says "Slavery is dead" clearly has not
contemplated the predicament of many American fathers.
Webster's defines slavery as "the state of being under
the control of another person." If the husband earns
enough to support both of them, he would be hard
pressed to make an argument to preserve equality, and
have her continue working as he does. If the wife
decides to stop working, the men who have been left
holding the financial bag find their options limited.
They may find themselves stuck in careers they hate,
or working for abusive exploitative management,
working excessively long hours, working in jobs that
are physically threatening, that have no growth
potential, enduring prolonged commutes, etc. At this
point, considering the corner he's been painted into,
he is often powerless to affect any change in his own
life. A husband may have been harboring delusions that
once the wife was able to return to work, he would
gain some flexibility to rectify some of the
shortcomings in his own career (For example, changing
careers or accepting a lower salary at a different
firm, in exchange for better hours, shorter commute,
and/or more fulfilling work, etc) But, a distinct
reality is that he will continue to shoulder the
financial responsibilities alone....A man's reward for
working hard and getting ahead is to become trapped
into his career, and shoulder the financial burdens of
a family alone. Does it pay to work hard anymore?

If she stops working, she may never work again.
(aka: Caveat Emptor)

There are many debates about the merits of a
stay-at-home mother vs. a working mother. My goal here
is to simply educate the man on the unseen risks he is
taking when he agrees to accept 100% of the financial
burden to allow his wife to stay at home. Again, an
informed decision is less likely to be one that is
later regretted.



Every parent will agree that staying home with a child
is back-breaking (and often mind-numbing) labor. Many
new fathers will concede that it is much easier to go
to work than to stay at home with several children.
However, the greatest imbalance in efforts and
contributions to a marriage can manifest once all the
children are of school age. The house is now empty
from 8am-3pm. The wife has 7 hours to herself, while
the kids are at school, and the husband is at work.
After a few years of hard work at home, many wives may
feel entitled to "kick back." The good husband
however, has worked those same years, has done his
50/50 of the housework, and is still working to
support the family once the kids are in school. He is
rarely afforded the same option to scale back his
daytime efforts.

What motivation does the modern wife have to return to
work? Very little. For several years now, the man's
salary has been enough to live on. (Otherwise, she
would have been working) Unless tight finances dictate
that she must return to work, the husband really has
little say in this matter. The wife can hide behind
many different excuses in order not to work, despite
having little to do from 7am-3pm:

"I'm busy with the housework"
It is easy to exaggerate the labors of daily
housework. Yet, how long does it take to throw clothes
into the wash, and remove them later? Vacuuming can be
done in 1 hour a week. Grocery is another hour per
week. A decent meal can be prepared in under an hour.
Does all this add up to 7 hours a day? Note: This lie
is not as persuasive as it may have been in the past,
b/c in an age of later marriage, many men are already
experienced in cooking & cleaning, and know what kind
of effort it entails. (Note that not every
stay-at-home-wife even does all these things.)

"I can't find a job"
She has been out of work too long, and therefore is
unable to find a job. This may be true, but many men
do not consider this risk when they agree to support
her while she "temporarily' stops working. (Hopefully,
now they will, and can make a more informed decision)
Also, many wives may use this as a scapegoat to
conveniently not even bother looking for any job.
(Below, I describe how this can even be used against
the husband in the event of divorce)

"It doesn't pay for me to work"
In the shortrun, the expenses of work (gas, lunch,
clothes) may not make it worthwhile for her to go back
to work. This may be true, but does this justify her
playing tennis, while the husband toils away? Many
couples may be too shortsighted on this matter.
Initially, the cost/benefit numbers may not be ideal,
but her returning to work will improve her job skills
and network of contacts. (More so than strolling
through the local mall every afternoon) Over time, as
her career gets back on track, and she becomes
qualified for better jobs, her salary should also
improve.

It should be duly noted that some working wives view
their salary as "personal spending money", and still
expect the man to pay all or most of the bills.
(What's mine is mine, and what's yours is ours.) Are
all women like this? No. Could this be your future
wife? Possibly.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Marraige is unnecessary
« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2006, 02:19:00 AM »
Thats the dumbest thing Ive read since visiting the Elan section of this board.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Truth Searcher

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Marraige is unnecessary
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2006, 09:16:00 AM »
Wow.  

BTW ... it is M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E.  I guess I should not put much stock in your opinion of the institution of marriage since you can't even spell it.

I have never read an article that devalued the role of motherhood or womanhood more.

The author must be the most ignorant, sexist, egotistical woman hater on planet earth.  I hope he marries the woman he describes.  Then justice will be served.

Wow.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
quot;The test of the morality of a society is what is does for it\'s children\"

Deitrich Bonhoeffer

Offline Anonymous

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Marraige is unnecessary
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2006, 10:19:00 AM »
I found it to be rather cynical but thought there was some truth in it..

-ex married man
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Marraige is unnecessary
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2006, 03:14:00 PM »
When I get married, I quit my job and moved to care for family, husband and two boys. Dumbest mistake I ever made. We lived in an isolated environment, and Mr. Happy Go Lucky would come home and ask what I did: I said Clean, cook, do laundry, nurse, clean, and feed the babies, go to the cleaners etc.  Then he wanted to know the exact PERCENTAGE of time I did everything, and what time I did everything. After busting my ass, he would say "you should have gone to the store on Tuesdays at 10 am rather than Wed. at 2 etc etc. etc. Not to mention that he prcatically wnated me to wear a Burqa even though he was Catholic.  And his method of "keeping me in line" was not exactly hands free.

This same guy burned through MY savings, and with a 72 K job couldn't seem to afford more than a 1 bedroom for teh three of us.

So don't spill your crap about women. Maybe you just attract a certain type of person.

All I know is that in spite of the huge financial struggle being a single working Mom in a lower paying field, but a field I love that enables me to spend time with the kids,  I am much better off than I was with Daddy Dictator even though to some extent he will always be in my life.

And though I never thought we'd be living in an apt. at this point in life, I provide a happy, healthy, positive home and work my ass off to do so.

At any rate, after my experience that included several scary situations, I don't sit around painting all men with a wide paintbrush and live in bitterness. I hope you wouldn't do the same with women. Because the women I know, working at home or away, work their damn asses off for their family, and are often more liable to sacrifice their needs for the family than the husband.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Marraige is unnecessary
« Reply #5 on: June 05, 2006, 06:02:00 PM »
Misspelling marriage is not important. The women who think that poster is ignorant,sexist or egotistical are hypocrites. Poor people who insist on breeding and overpopulating america are ignorant,sexist and egotistical.  America has a license to drive a car but no license to spread your legs and have kids when you cannot afford them.  America could end its underemployment,homeless and overpopulated prisons by mandatory birth control for those under thirty five.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Marraige is unnecessary
« Reply #6 on: June 05, 2006, 06:05:00 PM »
A little extreme; but at least you're thinking in terms of a solution.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline AtomicAnt

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Marraige is unnecessary
« Reply #7 on: June 05, 2006, 10:00:00 PM »
What a crock of shit! Some whining, angry, little man wrote this drivel because he wants to deny responsibility for making his own choices and living his own life. He chooses his own powerless position and is too weak willed to do anything about it.

I remember having a similar discussion with a male friend of mine. You see, I married a woman that was becoming a doctor. I supported her through her residency (I had the larger income). When she completed the residency, she decided she did not necessarily want to be a doctor and began attending art school. I aided her financially and emotionally in this endeavor. Her friends called her 'brave' and me 'supportive.'

My friend pointed out that if the shoe was on the other foot, so to speak, her friends would call me a deadbeat and say I was using her. This is based on the stereotyped gender roles of our society.

Okay, he is probably right.

But, I chose to do this. No one forced me. I chose to be supportive and be the bread winner. I chose to stay in the marriage. I could have said no. I could have walked out. I could have not signed the checks, not paid the bills, withheld my encouragement, or not done any of the supportive things I did. This woman did not force me into this position.

The writer of this article clearly does not understand the meaning of the word, commitment. You can measure the strength of your commitment by what you are willing to sacrifice to honor that commitment. When you make a commitment to a marriage, and/or to a family, you are accepting responsibility for  doing what is best for that family. All of your decisions must now be made under the simple and all important criteria; What is best for my family? You life is no longer about you.

The writer confuses commitment with slavery because the writer is still more interested in his own ego than in his commitment to his family. The committed man understands that his relationship with his family is not about what he takes from them. It is about what he gives to them. The committed man understands that what he receives from his relationship and his family is directly related to what he gives.

The rewards of giving are immense and far deeper than what this whiner can imagine as he drones on about earnings and balancing scales of worth between between a man and his woman like this is some kind of accounting exercise. He is missing the whole point. If he is still focused on his own, self-centered actualization, he never should have gotten married in the first place. He is a small man, unworthy of our attention or our sympathy. He needs to grow up and learn what it means to be an empowered, committed, and honorable man.

It is this kind of self-centered thinking on the part of both men and women that has lead this country to such high divorce rates and to the children who feel unloved to the point where they become 'troubled teens.'

I keep hearing people talk about family values, but talk is cheap. It's takes hard work and commitment to make it happen.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Marraige is unnecessary
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2006, 10:24:00 PM »
Beautifully said, Atomic.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Truth Searcher

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Marraige is unnecessary
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2006, 04:13:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-06-05 15:02:00, Anonymous wrote:

America could end its underemployment,homeless and overpopulated prisons by mandatory birth control for those under thirty five. "

OMG .... seriously you should move to China.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
quot;The test of the morality of a society is what is does for it\'s children\"

Deitrich Bonhoeffer

Offline Anonymous

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Marraige is unnecessary
« Reply #10 on: June 07, 2006, 05:56:00 PM »
Well, it is drastic, but it is a solution. We are overpopulated and under resourced. I'm all for zero to 2.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Truth Searcher

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Marraige is unnecessary
« Reply #11 on: June 07, 2006, 07:50:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-06-07 14:56:00, Anonymous wrote:

" We are overpopulated and under resourced. "


We (Americans)aren't overpopulated or under resourced.  We are consumer pigs.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
quot;The test of the morality of a society is what is does for it\'s children\"

Deitrich Bonhoeffer