And above all, make sure they know you love them no matter what. Parenting is no walk in the park, but its rewards are enormous.
I agree with this whole heartedly. I think any kid that feels loved and valued will turn out okay.
The strict thing depends on the kid. When my son began acting up at an early age (2.5 or 3 years), I felt the same way. My wife and I began to 'crack the whip.' So to speak. The marriage was failing and I think this had a lot to do with it, but it turned out that the more we disciplined, the more our son fought back. He was violent, refused to stay in one place for time outs, and was expelled from a dozen day care situations. He was expelled from one kindergarden.
At first, the more difficult he became, the more we tried to stop it. We resorted to psychologists and CSTs (Child Study Teams) and they only told us to do the same things were doing.
The breakthrough came when I realized we had a war going on with our son which was a constant battle of escalation. He does something, we punish. Instead of getting the message, he seeks revenge. He was learning nothing and we were getting nowhere and running out of options. We could only escalate so far before running into the boundaries of abuse, after all.
So, I did the opposite. I dropped all punishment completely and focused on positive reinforcement and the idea that if he feels loved and valued it would all work out. It did. It only took a couple of weeks before he settle down and our relationship took off.
For three years now, I have not punished him at all; ever. I empathize, I advise. I relate to him respectfully as a person. It is working. He has had no problems throughout 2nd and 3rd grade and returned straight As on his last two report cards. He is now 9 years old.
He's not perfect and he's more assertive and self-assured than many adults would like to see, but I like his confident, assured personality. Best of all, he has learned to trust me implicitly. He listens and responds very well.