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Author Topic: wrath and hurt  (Read 1155 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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wrath and hurt
« on: May 16, 2006, 04:52:00 AM »
I'm hurt, so hurt. And I don't know what to do.

I am alone at work, and all of a sudden it all came back.

A monday at midnight, and I can't get rid of this crawling, awful growth that threatens to eat all of the barriers I put up between what happened and my life as I want it to be.

I fight to be too busy during the day, so that I never cry (because I'd never stop).

I'm so lonely, because I can never explain this to anyone who didn't live it. No stranger that I meet can see the slightest into what hurts me, drives me. My friends as they were can no longer be friends with me, the difference and the long years are too much. My friends as they are will never understand, can never be expected to deal with how demanding my demons can be at times. The person I want to be with forever, with whom I want to make babies could never be expected to be able to endure the nightmares and hours of terror that will haunt any bed I sleep in.

Of course they'll all lean away from me, I haven't a thing to give them except my pain which spills out of the body, mind, soul it was forced into.

It is all rising, rushing out now to be heard. It wells up out of the darkest hidden places, oozes like thick carcinogenic tar. It burns all it touches on its pathways up from under my stomach--places of pleasure turned to pain--up and out of my mouth clenched tight shut all these years to keep it all hidden inside.

I am full of righteous anger and relentless pain. I can barely keep smiling through my day at work long enough to not scare other people.

It's all coming out again; years later, but I've still never dealt with it.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline Nihilanthic

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wrath and hurt
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2006, 05:28:00 AM »
Get an account and post!

Who are you? Where were you locked up?

Im willing to listen, as are a lot of other ones. StrugglingParents and trolls might pick at you, but they're just fulla shit... dont mind them.

If it makes you feel any better, I was never, ever put in a program, but I heard all of the accusations, and I investigated, Ive seen the truth, and Ill listen to you and believe you.

Hell, the woman I fell in love with (through fornits no less :lol: ) thought nobody'd ever believe her. Thats just not true. Not everyone can handle this, there are plenty who can. The only problem is you have to know where to look - and no, I havent figured that out yet either. But, I know Im not the only man in this world just like me.

Nor are you the only person like yourself.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Rachael

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wrath and hurt
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2006, 05:43:00 AM »
I am the above poster.

Was at AARC (Canada).
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Justice, Justice shall you pursue.

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Offline Troll Control

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wrath and hurt
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2006, 07:28:00 AM »
Honey, I can surely identify with what you've posted.  Life is tough enough as it is without the added troubles of an unresolved past.

I hope you take advantage of the folks here who can identify with you and who are willing to listen without judgement.  This is a great place to start making connections with people who can help.  Good luck and if I can help you in any way, please don't hesitate to ask.  I mean it.
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An aside:

Niles, I had no idea.  God bless you, my friend.  Who's the lucky gal?  HH?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline Nihilanthic

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wrath and hurt
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2006, 07:50:00 AM »
You had to ask?  :rofl:  :rofl:

Mmmmmhhhhmmmm  :grin:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline CCM girl 1989

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wrath and hurt
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2006, 12:43:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-05-16 02:43:00, Rachael wrote:

"I am the above poster.



Was at AARC (Canada)."


You'll be fine, trust me it gets better with time. I was locked up for 4 years (from 12-16). I had a very hard time for the first 5 years from 16-21. From 21-26 it was a little better for me, although I would have meltdowns from time to time. From 26-31 I really started to blossom, and become more confident in myself. These last 2 years have been great, and my past has begun to fade and heal up completely.

The only reason mine took so much time, was because I was in there for so long. I am not familiar with AARC? But, just know that there are a lot of people here that know how you feel. It's tough, most people out there have no idea what you've been through? But, we do. I hope that whenever you are feeling low, and you feel like nobody in the world could possibly understand what your going through..........that you'll come here to post your feelings. It's important that you know you are not the only one going through it. We are here to support you.

Feel free to PM me anytime.....I am pretty good at getting back to people.

Good luck to you. All I can say is it gets better with time. If you can afford to, I would seek professional help.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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f you were never in a program, or a parent of a child in a program, then you have no business posting here.

Offline Nihilanthic

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wrath and hurt
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2006, 12:50:00 PM »
AARC is a lot like the other Straight programs.  :sad:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."
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