Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Aspen Education Group
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Oz girl:
--- Quote from: ""Charly"" ---Oz- Toeing the party line is not what most parents hope for when a teen is sent to a program. They WANT the kid to learn about themselves and get at what is motivating the destructive behaviors.
I have a kid who got kicked out of pre-school. He never did toe the party line. That didn't always work so well for him, but he needed to figure out when he could compromise and when he couldn't. He didn't toe it at his program and he didn't always toe it afterwards.
What parents want for their kids is for them to 1. stay alive 2. love and respect THEMSELVES and 3. achieve the happiness and goals they set for themselves.
--- End quote ---
Fair enough. i would say that this is the category of parent who is worried sick and given an option which seems attractive but which is exploiting their feelings of desperation. But there are many parents particularly who post on Struggling teens who seem to take their kids post programme mistakes and errors as a personal slight or who are genuinely offended if they send a kid to a place against their will and then upon visiting are met with any level of hostility. The response to these posts is often (not always and not by everyone) to vindicate the parental outrage that the kid is not reacting the way that they had hoped. There is in many cases a philosophy of ownership and an ironic sense of entitlement. " i am entitled to a well behave kid" When i am mad at my child i am entitled to expect that the rest of the family will shun them too. for obvious reasons I am not going to post the numerous specifc examples.
Deborah:
--- Quote from: ""TheWho"" ---True, but how are any of us ever going to know. The same effect could take place by tough displine at home, drawing a hard line. The kids feel wronged or their rights violated and never see you in the same way again or afraid to challenge the rules because they dont want to be grounded again. This effect doesnt have to be limited to a TBS stay.....
--- End quote ---
You'll know if you want to know. Discipline, drawing a hard line, being grounded doesn't result in PTSD or severe 'depression'. If a kid is afraid to challenge the rules, the environment is too authoritarian, whether at home or program. If the rules are called 'agreements', that's manipulating and deceptive. If the punishment is too extreme, that's abusive.
It's true though, when your only tool is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
Oz girl:
Why the focus on drawing a hard line anyway? of course kids need boundaries but this rhetoric of discipline and hardline rules makes no sense. Few workplaces have such a philosophy and those which do have a high turnover rate because they suck and people hate being there. What is the wider social good of continuous discipline, excessive structure and a long list of rules anyway?
Deborah:
Hard lines are way overused, but there is a time and place for hard lines. If 'any' kid is breaking things in my home, for instance, I'm going to draw a damn hard line if necessary. Zero tolerance is unrealistic and ineffective.
TheWho:
--- Quote from: ""Deborah"" ---Hard lines are way overused, but there is a time and place for hard lines. If 'any' kid is breaking things in my home, for instance, I'm going to draw a damn hard line if necessary. Zero tolerance is unrealistic and ineffective.
--- End quote ---
I am an adamant believer that Hard lines are effective in various situations where you can live with some flexibility and pose a warning or two...... But, in my opinion Zero tolerance is ineffective only for the kid who just broke the rules, because he is gone, history....... but extremely effective on the other kids witnessing the rules being properly enforced.
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